Rose Blackthorn Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 Hi everyone. I have a long time friend, I have known this woman for over forty years. We go back that far! We have been estranged from each other over that span of time two times. Each period of estrangement being long, 10 + years. The separations have been due to my reaching points where I can simply not deal with her insecurity, unwarranted jealousy, and her seeing everything as a competition. I have a choice to make regarding letting her back into my life again. I suppose I am looking at the situation and thinking, "Okay, life is too short for this BS, no one is getting any younger, and no one is perfect." I realize that she will always be the somewhat crazy, insecure person that she has always been, she is this way with ALL women, and I have no expectations that this will change. We have been as close as if we were sisters, I am wondering if wearing the right pheros around her could assist in at least taking the edge off of her issues, but upon reading up, am confused. Empathy *might* be helpful, but would either G2 or Heart and Soul, or something else be better choices in dealing with someone like this? I am losing my patience with this and this will be my final effort with her. I would appreciate and welcome the thoughts people here! Thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dolly Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 I like Treasured Hearts for that. smooths things over, feel the love type vibe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose Blackthorn Posted December 23, 2015 Author Share Posted December 23, 2015 Thanks, Dolly. I didn't mention TH because as strange as this is, it seems to flip my bitch switch in a huge way. So much so, that I actually sold my nearly full bottle. I tried it 4 times, using different amounts, in completely different circumstances and the results were the same for me. MEGA bitch! I am pretty far from perfect, but I am usually nothing like that. So..not sure what misfired with TH, but will need to avoid that one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rain_dancer Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 I haven't had to deal with jealous friends, but I love the selfies from Popularity Potion and wonder if that might work for you? The purpose of Popularity Potion is to help give off an air of 'movie star-esque' charisma. Can assist one in becoming the center of attention, elevating the mood of those around you, and is specially tempered to try to reduce feelings of jealousy that can arise when someone else is in the spotlight. The purpose of Popularity Potion is to help give off an air of 'movie star-esque' charisma. Can assist one in becoming the center of attention, elevating the mood of those around you, and is specially tempered to try to reduce feelings of jealousy that can arise when someone else is in the spotlight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dolly Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 Ah. Didn't know that. I think I would either do G2 or maybe even Open Windows. Or if you have Balm Bomb, maybe that even? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dolly Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 (edited) I haven't had to deal with jealous friends, but I love the selfies from Popularity Potion and wonder if that might work for you? The purpose of Popularity Potion is to help give off an air of 'movie star-esque' charisma. Can assist one in becoming the center of attention, elevating the mood of those around you, and is specially tempered to try to reduce feelings of jealousy that can arise when someone else is in the spotlight. I think this might make her see Rose as even MORE of a competitor. Even though Po is supposed to do that, I don't think this is a Rose being in the spotlight thing......this is a deep, long-standing issue. Edited December 24, 2015 by Dolly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose Blackthorn Posted December 24, 2015 Author Share Posted December 24, 2015 (edited) Thanks Rain Dancer and Dolly. And yes, Dolly, exactly! It's a very long standing issue, and it is not exclusively with me. I have seen her become intensely jealous of other females with absolutely no reason whatsoever. Sadly, this woman has a hard time forming and maintaining long term friendships with other women because her jealousy and insecurity always become a problem. I think that the bond that she and I have is the closest thing to that awesome experience and sense of sisterhood that women can have, that she will ever know. I have never understood where this comes from with her. I have never been this way, myself. I know that neither she or I can change that, but given how pheros can assist successfully in so many ways, I felt that perhaps I could try to stack the odds in my favor as much as possible, and give this a try. I hate to write her off again because if I do, I know that it will be the last time that I do this with her. ETA: Am going to use my p pendulum and ask if G2, Balm Bomb, or OW would be best. Thanks again, for your input. Edited December 24, 2015 by Rose Blackthorn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beach Goddess Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 Hi Rose, have you thought of a spell potion to diffuse the negative feelings? You're obviously more knowledgeable and gifted in that area, and I know you asked about pheros, but my mind immediately went to a spell potion. Like hex deflection or perhaps quarrel mender? Or even harmonious self (so that her behavior doesn't dig into you or whatever) I understand we can't change people, and I also understand that sometimes even if a friend acts like a 'frenemy' there is an underlying friendship with value. If I have any other ideas, will post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dolly Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 You know, another thought.....just throwing this out there, since this is such a different situation. What about alpha-ing her? Not totally Dom-ing her to death, but what about Leather? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StacyK Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 TH was the first thing to come to mind. But, G2 or Girl/Girl, OW, Teddy or Balm Bomb, Maybe even Leather. Basically echoing Dolly here. lol My question is why? You've gone back and fourth over the years. She's not going to change and given the fact that you were able to leave the relationship more than once perhaps sad, But, unscathed You might not be as lucky the next time. I hope this doesn't sound to judgemental from afar. It's natural to look back at relationships and feel sentimental. It gets easy to forget past hurts over time and I do believe in forgiving as well as letting go. I say first examine why you feel a need to re-establish this connection. What outcome can you logically expect? If you are venerable is this a safe place to be? I've been down that road so I'm very cautious here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tyvey Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 (edited) Hey Rose, the first to mind was something very bonding like G2, so I'd vote that. But as you say, life is too short for this BS - but in my view the BS is her behavior! From the outside it is hard for me to justify that she deserves for you to open this door yet again. It seems long past the point where the "burden of proof" that she is able / willing to participate in an even remotely healthy friendship has shifted to her, and you don't mention that she has in any way provided such proof. I say this not to criticize you but because you are so obviously a very kind and sweet person and the prospect of someone harming you yet again - when it's avoidable - is objectively offensive! Edited December 24, 2015 by tyvey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose Blackthorn Posted December 24, 2015 Author Share Posted December 24, 2015 Thank you, everyone for all of this great input. StacyK and tyvey, you are both touching on the heart of where I am at with this. To open this door or not, is where I am conflicted. On one hand, she is someone I will always care about, on the other, I know full well that this is quite simply, who she is. Age has not mellowed her strange tendencies at all. As for my reasons, I suppose I am at an age where most of my family and friends have passed. I lost many, starting pretty early in life, and it's a lonely feeling. I do realize that sentiment and nostalgia can cloud the way that we view old relationships and the way that we deal with them. I also know that this can often be counterintuitive to one's well being. I quit smoking cigarettes back in 1997, but as crazy as it is, there are moments when I still miss those! Also, as much as I adored my mom, who passed in 2000, as time has passed, I realize the ways in which I do not want to take after her. I saw that for the last decade of her life, outside of me, my partner, and my stepfather, she was very much alone, and it was not what she wanted at all. It was, to a large extent, self imposed, since in those later years, she became highly critical of the people who did make efforts to befriend her, as well as some family, and really did alienate more than a few. Her standards were impossible to live up to. So.. in spite of all that I know about this strange old friend's tendencies, I can't say that I know anyone, myself included, who is not in some way, strange. And finally, this is just one way in which I never want to some day find that "I have turned into my mom." I am pondering all of this. I do see also, that if I do decide to keep this woman in my life at all, without burning bridges completely, that one way to do so would be to redefine the way that I relate to her, and in this respect, it would no longer be HER issues at the heart of the matter, but my own, which would require further examining. This is in part, both the curse and the blessing of having my moon in Libra! So, here we are. I can't thank all of you enough for taking the time to read this rant and taking the time to give it your consideration. You're the best! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueBear Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 I'm gonna +1 what Tyvey said here. Tyvey also gave me the wonderful advice of wishing for someone to "Prosper elsewhere." You can continue to wish her well while opting not to be around her if she brings negativity into your life. If you do open the door again, I gotta say, Dolly might be on to something with alpha-ing her. Leather with a smile. Your face and demeanor are friendly but your vibe is "I am not to be trifled with!" Good luck with whatever you do! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tyvey Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 Rose I am glad you took what I said in the spirit intended. If you do resume a relationship with her, perhaps it can be with very clearly stated guardrails as to behaviors you will not accept? … She is free to "not change" but anything harmful to you that she thinks, she is to keep to her own damn self. This is a grown ass adult – there are no excuses I hear you and deeply understand what you said, but there have to be reasonable limits. IMO the number of hits you're required to take before you call it off obviously varies among people but it has to be something less than infinity. Allowing her to subject you to the kind of garbage she has historically dumped on you isn't within reasonable bounds of friendship and you're doing her no favors by allowing it- dare I say there's even a point where you in fact become complicit in her continuing to be a wretch! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose Blackthorn Posted December 25, 2015 Author Share Posted December 25, 2015 Agreed, BB and Tyvey. I would like very much to have a non emotional, candid discussion with her regarding my feelings about things, and simply asking her what she feels/thinks with respect to why we keep returning to the same scenarios with each other. I wholeheartedly agree, Tyvey, that to allow this to continue would indeed constitute not only aiding and abetting her, but also me being complicit to her misbehavior. I have no desire to either allow that abusive treatment, or to find that I am inadvertently abusing MYSELF, by proxy, through someone else. At the very least, I would like to try to address this with her. At best, I might actually receive some validation, at worst, I reach a point where I can allow myself some closure on all of this, however half assed, move on, knowing that I gave it my best shot, and begin the New Year with this in its proper place, wherever that may be. And Dolly, you may very well be right about the Dom for this purpose. Honestly, people have some amazing advice here, and I truly appreciate it. Thank you all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tyvey Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 xoxoxoxo I'm 100000% on your side Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beccah Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 (edited) I understand what you're going through, Rose. At least on a small level. I find the blends that heavily feature A1 work well with these type of women. B2, Teddy BB, & the like. Open Windows is a close second, but just generally staying away from anything that enhances your feminine vibe or comes off as touchy-feely is best with these types of women. ETA: Dominance type blends may cause them to want to get into a pissing match with you. Edited December 25, 2015 by Beccah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose Blackthorn Posted December 25, 2015 Author Share Posted December 25, 2015 Thank you Tyvey. XO Beccah, at this I think I am going to just use whatever feels best for MY emotions if I decide to go there. If that turns out to be Dom, then so be it. No doubt you may very well be right, but at this rate, what's a little more piss between friends? What's more, I will leave her pissing up her own tree if it comes to that! How much would THAT suck for a competitive person? All that piss, and no contest! See, ladies? I am already feeling more lighthearted about this thanks to all of you. I seldom talk about anything really personal, but I am so glad that I ran this by all of you. You rock! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tyvey Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 "pissing up her own tree", love it!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cinnamonmel Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 I'm late to this but Tyvey summed up my feelings, and far more eloquently than I would have managed. I wish you the best in what you decide. My phero feelings were teddy bb or g2. Treasured hearts also makes me angry so you're not alone in that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose Blackthorn Posted December 28, 2015 Author Share Posted December 28, 2015 Thank you, Mel. I have Teddy BB and Balm Bomb if need be. Not happy to hear that you have the same problem with TH, but good to feel a bit less of an oddity, not that being odd is a negative! I love my oddness! Phero effects are much like medications to my mind, in that while they are going to yield particular effects for the majority, there will always be those who experience reactions that are not the norm. For instance, I can take a sedative to calm myself, and it will calm me, but it also seems to prevent me from sleeping! On the other hand, I use Sudafed for sinus congestion, and while I hate the speedy effect, it can make me sleepy. This is why when we read up on a medication, they have listed every possible side effect imaginable, no matter how unlikely. We always need to allow for atypical responses. And am smiling at your comment, Tyvey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StacyK Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 TH has made me grumpy exactly twice. But, it's seldom and I know my dosage now. I find TH combined with EST really takes the edge of the TH effect and in the right amounts it's an excellent blend. I have a bigger problem with BI. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eggers Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 I can't wear more than 3 sprays of TH or I can get bitchy. And how funny Rose, I have the same issue with some drugs. Stuff that's supposed to help me sleep make me wired and stuff that says it'll keep me awake often makes me drowsy. Except Nytol. It's the only one that does what it says on the bottle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose Blackthorn Posted January 2, 2016 Author Share Posted January 2, 2016 It IS odd, eggers, but my mom knew a woman who sleepy from stimulants and wired from sedatives. We are not the majority, but it happens for sure. My entire system seems to be all kinds of wonky! :/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IndieAna Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 I can't wear more than 3 sprays of TH or I can get bitchy. And how funny Rose, I have the same issue with some drugs. Stuff that's supposed to help me sleep make me wired and stuff that says it'll keep me awake often makes me drowsy. Except Nytol. It's the only one that does what it says on the bottle. It IS odd, eggers, but my mom knew a woman who sleepy from stimulants and wired from sedatives. We are not the majority, but it happens for sure. My entire system seems to be all kinds of wonky! :/ Apparently this is quite common in those with ADD and ADHD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose Blackthorn Posted January 3, 2016 Author Share Posted January 3, 2016 IndieAna, that is true. I have not been officially diagnosed, but am mostly sure that I do have one or the other. OMG..the racing mind! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now