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Can men use EOW and what happens when they do?

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I'll tell you what I'm dreaming of: being treated as a human being. I think everybody would.

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Y'all jacked my thread and went all psychological on this!!! Just wanted to make sure I will not be turning my BF into a GF with EOW.

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I was bullied and abused alot growing up in school, nobody, male or female, treated me like a human being.there. In fact I noticed the guys twice as big as me who were doing all the bullying would have their girlfriends laugh and get off on it.

 

Didn't do much for my confidence in myself OR humanity.

 

 

:emot151:

 

 

 

Ok for Ziggy's sake I'll try not to reply any more....it's a fun conversation though, maybe someone could start a separate thread?

Edited by BlackWolf_91

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Go right ahead and keep writing here Black Wolf...hope it helps you with all of these veteran phero gods. Best wishes!

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Y'all jacked my thread and went all psychological on this!!! Just wanted to make sure I will not be turning my BF into a GF with EOW.

Well, have you tried it? Have you jumped on that yet? You have to fill us in :666:

Edited by StacyK

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Haha!!!! Closer was leaky so I sent to Mara...as soon as I get it back, I will let you know. Wouldn't that just be the shit if I could turn him?

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So where are these imaginary women that actually DO want a relationship with a guy? I could care less about jobs and careers, I'm a musician, if that turns into something professional, great, if not, so be it.

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They are literally all around you dude. But I do think you'll have a harder time finding someone without a paying job. But you can't go searching for someone who wants a boyfriend. That's too big and you'll run them off. Start with finding girls you'd like to hang out with, just once. Going right for girlfriend status will chase every girl off except ones you want no part of.

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So I've got a picture of the real me now, not that it matters much, but where are you supposed to go to find girls to hang out with? I'm totally lost and wandering around in no man's land. Or no woman's land more like. I feel like I've got a straight jacket on.

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Do they have meetups in your area? Go to meetups dot com and find some things to do. I guess it depends on where you live but they have a group for everything you can imagine. You'll make yourself get out there and end up having a lot of fun and meeting people in a casual, unthreatening way.

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So I've got a picture of the real me now, not that it matters much, but where are you supposed to go to find girls to hang out with? I'm totally lost and wandering around in no man's land. Or no woman's land more like. I feel like I've got a straight jacket on.

Well, what do YOU like to do for fun? Go there and do that! Like what QG said, you'll meet women that are into what you are into. Even if you don't find romantic partners, you'll find friends, and that friend might have a friend that's single and looking.

 

Occupy your time with things other than looking for a girlfriend. A couple of years ago, I was writing here on my journal about my dating experiences. I met a man who was so consumed with trying to build something between the two of us that it was incredibly off-putting. All he had to talk about his dating experiences online and he was constantly texting me. Similar to what Halo said, it was too much too fast. I'm not saying that's you, but if you build up your social life outside of finding a girlfriend, you can definitely prevent something similar from happening to you in the future.

 

Also, you're young. When I was 24, I was concentrating on grad school, work and having fun with my friends. Relationships weren't a high priority for me. I imagine you're running into a lot of that as well. This will change in a couple of years. People get stable in their career and start thinking about their future. I assure you, there is no shortage of single women!

Edited by BlueBear

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So where are these imaginary women that actually DO want a relationship with a guy? I could care less about jobs and careers, I'm a musician, if that turns into something professional, great, if not, so be it.

Yes, but the women I was speaking of do. They care about their own futures, jobs et.

Far less women today are banking on someone to take care of them. There is no 401K in washing some guys dirty underwear. There are no desirable futures in broken promises. So where are they? A good deal of them around your age are in school or working hard.

 

You know the best way to meet someone? The best way, male or female? Live your life. Work, hobbies & intrests. You need to chill on the whole find a woman thing. IMO, start building a life you love. Learn more about yourself, accept who you are at this moment and build from there.

 

And Halos point about a job, any job, is a good one. Just if you are playing the odds that's a point.

Everyone wants love & sex & more love.

But, we just don't get it all the time. Maybe the reason that you are not having much luck is that there are some crucial things you should focus on first. The universe may be trying to tell you something. But, you are not hearing it. If you don't care for that point of view, there are theory's in science that state that even the smallest real change in you environment can lead to dramatic/dynamic changes in your universe.

It's really all saying the same thing. But, your own dialogue is drowning it out.

As the song says "You can't always get what you want. But, if you try sometimes you get what you need."

 

If there was one simple small thing you could do today, something different than you usually do (it doesn't need to cost $$ ) what could you do? Clean your bathroom, really make it shine. Or start jogging or walking if you don't already.

 

1 little simple thing that will make you feel good ? What could you do?

 

You've got QG onboard to help you with the 'mones. You've already done something there. What else can you tack on now? Give it a try.

Edited by StacyK

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You know the best way to meet someone? The best way, male or female? Live your life. Work, hobbies & intrests. You need to chill on the whole find a woman thing. IMO, start building a life you love. Learn more about yourself, accept who you are at this moment and build from there.

This is sage advice - grow and evolve as a human being and you will find the people you can resonate with.

 

But also: you are a white cis het male, right? You really don't want to go down the road of my life, so hard with a community which is 97% female, just sayin.' I want to give you the empathy you actually deserve, not the empathy you believe you deserve.

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Well, what do YOU like to do for fun? Go there and do that! Like what QG said, you'll meet women that are into what you are into. Even if you don't find romantic partners, you'll find friends, and that friend might have a friend that's single and looking.

 

 

Yeah, I agree there. I'm a gamer and have met more guys going out to things gaming related. Of course, there are very few women in the traditional table top roleplaying or computer gaming situation so there wasn't very much competition either. :funnyanimation17:

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I like playing MUSIC for fun. MUSIC is my hobby, my work, my job, my career.

 

The reason why I'm focused on wanting a girlfriend is because I'VE NEVER HAD ONE BEFORE. I can't think about anything else because that is what's MISSING in my life. I want A WOMAN in my life.

 

Why is that such an evil, selfish thing?

Edited by BlackWolf_91

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Okay, dude, simmer down a little bit! We're answering questions you asked. No one said it was an evil thing. Go places and play your music. Go places and listen to live music. Go places to learn more about music. Like Missdarlyn suggested, look up music lovers or performance groups on Meet up. You'll meet like minded people (and yes, one of those people might end up as someone special but maybe not) and maybe even better your craft. But best of all, your life is not on hold while you wait for the perfect person. I understand you're shy, but you won't meet anyone sitting at home. We're suggesting ways to get out there and meet like minded people to better your odds of meeting someone.

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Do you comprehend how angry you are right now? Why?

 

It's only evil and selfish if you believe you deserve to be in a relationship. I'll tell you a story from my own life.

 

After my divorce, I spent a lot of time angry at myself for not being able to save the relationship I was in. After a lot of pain and bad choices I realized that the fault was just as much mine as my ex - that I needed to really change how I felt about myself, valued myself, in order to be open to love which was only about truly respecting and valuing the person who I was choosing to invite into my life, and me into theirs. And I was lonely for a very long time, but I learned to live with myself, value myself for who I am, and I am my own best company. A relationship is not an accessory or a void to be filled - it is a privilege to experience the totality of another human being.

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I like playing MUSIC for fun. MUSIC is my hobby, my work, my job, my career.

 

The reason why I'm focused on wanting a girlfriend is because I'VE NEVER HAD ONE BEFORE. I can't think about anything else because that is what's MISSING in my life. I want A WOMAN in my life. Why is that such an evil, selfish thing?

No one is saying it's an evil, selfish thing. But, in real life no one is owed anything, even though you have had past trials. You can't just order off a menu because you are hungry.

 

Try to listen to what had been said above. I see a common thread there.

We can't make any promises, no one can.

 

There's a wide age and experience range here. We are trying to give you the benefit of that.

But, if you ever find a genie in a bottle let me know.

 

ETA: Luna, I hear you :)

Edited by StacyK

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I feel like slitting my wrists. I'm sick of hearing the same cliches parroted at me by different people.

Edited by BlackWolf_91

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If you truly feel suicidal, then please by all means, I am begging you to seek professional help. I'm sorry that you feel we're delivering empty platitudes, but I believe we're all speaking from our honest experiences, and if you don't want to accept that, then perhaps this community is not for you. I'm sorry that the actual experiences of my life - which I don't share often with anyone as the people in the comm will tell you - are considered by you to be lacking in value.

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Not evil or selfish at all. But you seem pretty angry and uptight about it. You can't ask people on a forum for advice and then act Insulted when you don't like the advice given.

You cant just go out and "get a woman". (Maybe a hooker though lol) And since you mentioned you've never had a girlfriend before indicates that whatever you're doing isn't working.

Do you have any friends that are girls? Most of the guys I've been with happened by meeting through mutual friends and hitting it off. If I catch any air of desperation- I'm out. It's sexy when a guy doesn't have to try so hard because they are confident in themselves. Make me laugh, charm me.. But don't act desperate for just "any woman because I've never had one".

Edited by hearts

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Selfish? We never said that. But it is how you are acting. A girlfriend is not a thing that you just acquire like the latest video game. Everyone here has taken their time to talk to you like you are a nice person looking for real advice. But at this point I don't think you are seeking advice. There are no easy answers. You're old enough to get that. There are no set of instructions we can give you. You've been given very nice, thoughtful and effective advice. If you want to stomp your feet and throw a tantrum after that, that's on you. But you need to know that you're acting entitled, manipulative, selfish, self pitying, and I am not sure of this but quite possibly purposely obtuse.my honest advice to you at this point would be to join some online dating apps. Not to even find a girlfriend but to get some practice in talking to people. You need quite a lot of it. We don't do your brand of drama here at LP. There is a lot to be said for knowing your audience. Peace out.

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I like playing MUSIC for fun. MUSIC is my hobby, my work, my job, my career.

 

 

I wish I had musical talent. All the women in my family have at least some musical talent. My mom & youngest daughter by the bucketfull. What a gift. Just keep working the music angle in groups or public & smile & be friendly.

Edited by quietguy

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Hi BlackWolf! :-)

 

It sounds like you are really into music...what kind of music do you play? Do you play an instrument? Do you have any videos up anywhere? Most of us on here are pretty into music as well. Music is a pretty "social" hobby. Hopefully you will be able to meet people through that interest.

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I would like to apologize for being harsh earlier. I felt the need to defend the honor of the entire forum who are my family. These people are a joy to know and walk through life with. To see someone shitting on the sage, earnest, thoughtful help they have offered you was too much.

 

Also let it be known that if you ever indicate that you are a danger to yourself or others again, I will not hesitate to send the cops to do a well check on you at your house. I have your address and will not bat an eye before calling the cops. That was your one free pass dude.

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I didn't date anyone till I was 21 and although I had a few boyfriends in my 20s there were often long gaps of two or three years between them. I know where you're coming from in terms of feeling like there's no one for you when all your friends and everyone else in your peer group seems to have no problem.

 

But what everyone is saying here is quite true. I met most of my early boyfriends while out doing something else and not thinking about it. Lot of friends tried to set me up, or invited me to parties with other singles but that never worked. What worked was actually doing things I was interested in doing, joining sports teams, getting jobs, focusing on my work and so on. It was always in those settings that I made new friends and occasionally dated some of them. So it's not a bunch of lame advice. There's a lot of truth to it.

 

But if you're really feeling that badly about not having a gf, then that vibe is probably what you're giving off, loud and clear. And it's definitely a turn off for a lot of women because it can make a guy seem like he is coming on too strong (whether he is or isn't - it doesn't matter, it just feels creepy). So back to johnsonlisa's original post, maybe a potion boosted with cops will work well for you. Studies have shown that women are more attracted to a guy who's had a couple of relationships. They figure that if other women took the risk on him, he must be worth it. It doesn't work the other way around though because guys get all the information they need about a woman from subtle visual cues, so they don't need to know her dating history to know whether they're attracted.

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Really, really great advice has been given on this thread already, so I feel like I'm just repeating what everyone said...

 

I'm 22, female, definitely at the stage of my life where I'm more about focusing on my career than looking for a guy. That doesn't mean I'm not open to men or relationships, but it's not a priority right now, more like a "if it happens, great, if not, eh" thing. BlueBear put it great, actually:

 

But best of all, your life is not on hold while you wait for the perfect person.

 

It's so important to keep living your life and building your own life in the meantime. I've been in relationships where I felt like I needed to fill a void with a person/a boyfriend, and trust me, those are not healthy relationships at all. People kept telling me that I needed to be okay with myself first, and years later, I've more and more realized that truth of that. And, in my experience, a lot of times, a relationship or the right person can come along when you least expect it or when you're not actively looking. Good luck!

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I can tolerate being alone but I'm never truly happy about it. I've wanted a girlfriend since Kindergarten. I lie awake at night thinking about it.

Edited by BlackWolf_91

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I don't have any friends.

 

If wanting a girlfriend makes me look desperate then so be it.

You're missing out! Go find a friend! You realize friendship is part of being in a relationship right? You're going to actually have to talk to a girl to get a girlfriend. Edited by hearts

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Wolf... you do realize that a girlfriend is a girl *friend*?

Meaning that you need to find a way to make friends.

I dated a guy a couple of times, must have been 8-9 yeats ago, who reminded me of what you wrote about yourself.

 

He too was painfully unconfident. What put me off him was that he gave off an air of real, honest-to-god desperation. He felt entitled to ask me over to his place to start ''building our relationnship'', which of course included sex. What he didn't ask was whether I was even interested in the scenario he built in his mind.

 

Then he was very angry when I told him it probably wasn't wise. Second date alone with disparate man in his apartment at night. A girl has to look out for herself these days, you know?

 

But he felt entitled enough not to address my thoughts or feelings, just get upset.

Which only sealed this decision. And I told him his desperation turns people off.

 

Wolf, if you need help to acquire certain skills in dealing with people, there are places that can help. Social skills are a fine, tricky business to deal with... I've learned that with my blood. I was also bullied at school, it is traumaric. I can relate.

 

What saved me was music, and salsa dancing.

Find an activity to boost your confidence, then think about getting a girlfriend.

Get friends first.

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Okay Black Wolf. One last comment from me and then I'm out, because we're all talking in circles here and it's becoming futile.

 

No one said it is bad to want a girlfriend. Wanting a girlfriend in and of itself is not desperate. However, your approach may be. Read Equinox's post. She does an excellent job at describing the creepy factor. What is your approach? Seriously, what do you do to meet women? If the answer is nothing, that's problem #1 right there.

 

All over this board, people have given you great advice. In your Love potion with Heart Throb thread, you mentioned shyness. I told you explicitly how I conquered my shyness. Have you tried that? If not, that is your task today. Get up from the computer, get dressed, go to the mall or large store. Browse the music section since that is your thing. Or heck, if you live in a larger city, go to Guitar Center if guitars are your thing and play a great guitar. Smile at one person. That's it! You never know what might happen. I know I typically always compliment the people playing in the acoustic room because I think it takes guts!

 

You mention you don't have friends. We've told you how to meet people. Do it! Hearts made an excellent point about romantic relationships being a special type of friendship. You have to learn to friend before you can learn to boyfriend.

 

I will also point out that a relationship WILL NOT (all caps!) fix any deep seated unhappiness you have. Relationships are hard work. Mine has presented issues that I would not have if I were single. Obviously they are worth it or I wouldn't be with him but again, they are not a cure-all for what ails you.

 

I think you're getting upset with us because we're not saying "okay, to get a girlfriend you have to do this." We're not because it's not that easy. A functioning romantic relationship is like a the roof of a well built house. You're trying to slap the roof on and you don't even have any walls or a foundation. Platonic friendships are the walls and a healthy sense of self is the foundation. So first work on your foundation first. Work on your shyness. You say music is your hobby, your life, your work. Does it provide an income? If not, figure out how it can do that. Also, do you have some sort of access to health care? If so, consider seeing a therapist. They can help you with the self part. My therapist is a godsend.

 

Again, go back and read EVERYTHING that's been said to you. We're not just spouting things off. We've been there too. Good luck.

Edited by BlueBear

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It's too late for me. I'm too much of this, too little of that. Maybe I'll just starve to death and leave everybody else to fall in love and be with each other, my life makes no difference.

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It's too late for me. I'm too much of this, too little of that. Maybe I'll just starve to death and leave everybody else to fall in love and be with each other, my life makes no difference.

Hi!

 

I don't post much anymore, but I feel the need to tell you something.

 

1. I know it really sucks to feel bad. I'm pisces & I'm a very sensitive person, and I have thyroid problems, so my mood changes 100 times in a day. I have some problems in my life, and feel depressed because of them but what keeps me going (besides my kids of course) are plans. I have plans & goals I want to achieve. Sure, I have bad days when I want to go back to my bed and never leave it, so what helps me on those days are comedies, sit-coms, funny stuff on youtube, fresh flowers, good music, soaking up the sun, cuddling with my kids and my dog. We all have our own little things that make us happy, find yours.

 

2. If you keep feeling like this, go and see a doctor. There's no shame in that. My doctor gave me antidepressants when I was diagnosed with hypothyroism, but I stopped taking them when I changed some things in my life (I changed the way I think (it didn't happen over night, it took months and months!), which leads me to:

 

3. Find books/videos of Louise Hay, or Abraham-Hicks!

 

4. You say you have no friends. That can change very easily - go out! You play music, right? Go to a local club or somewhere similar and hang out with the other artists/musicians. Be a part of something!!! This is why I love this forum so much! This is my home, my happy place, my comfort zone. So for now, if you'd like, post more on this forum, make friends here. Believe me, people here are really amazing! And you'll have that feeling of belonging somewhere.

 

5. If you want someone to fall in love with you, you have to love yourself first. Easier said than done, I KNOW! But there are always the little things that will help you love yourself at least a little more and help you be happy with yourself - a new haircut, a nice perfume, new clothes, or start working out.

 

6. Don't be a victim. And don't blame others. You are responsible for your life and your choices. No one else. Life doesn't owe you anything. What you think, you attract so start thinking positive, it will transform you, believe me!

 

This is just something I learned in my life. What you decide to do, is your choice. Good luck! ?

 

Oh, and one more thing - it's never too late!

Edited by cutie.pie

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I seriously think, Wolf, that you need to get a medical check-up to find whether there are chemical imbalances causing your mind to act like this.

You are only 24.

 

When I was 24, ten years ago - I didn't know what I wanted from life. I was in full exploration mode of everything: my emotions, my values, my body, my sexuality, everything. What's more - it only started then, and ten years later I can tell you it just gets better.

 

I was treated for a while with fluxetin, the generic name for prozac. I was diagnosed with anxiety, and that medication for a few months helped ease a lot of the anxiety that paralyzed my ability to treat myself better.

 

Maybe you also need some kind of intervention to get yourself better. It's ok.

 

I suggest you get help. It's not too late for a 24 year old kid like you. I said kid purposefully. 24 is way too young to give up, and believe me when I say it only gets better.

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Hi Wolf. I am quite late in this convo but whatever. I will say that you have been given some awesome input here. I really do feel for you. Depression is a bitch, plain and simple. Like yourself and others here, I have and do, deal with it too. I am going to agree with what reincarnated has suggested above. It would seem that you are at a point where you should seek some help. To do so is not conceding defeat, it is the first step in winning. And you CAN win, but this is where you will need to start. I truly hope that you will take that step. My most positive thoughts go out to you. Please don't waste another day of your precious life. Get some help.

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With the kind of attitude you've displayed so far, sorry to say but that's right. Wolf, change your attitude, your energy, and it'll attract a totally different type of people, a totally different course of action and managing your life.

Up to you, man, and you alone.

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