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Ok, so this is partially a rant...partially an idea...and partially a request for suggestions.

 

Can we have a new blend formulated called Back Up Bitch?  Or...BUB for short.

 

I want this blend to let other women know they need to back up off your man without him or you having to get in her face about it. :)  Because I don't like drama.  And I don't like BEING the bitch or getting catty.  But it almost went down the other night, and I am still in a tizzy over it.

 

That being said...I'd have no idea how to custom blend a formula for that.....like a mad scientist blend.  So what of our other blends might work?

 

I have Leather in Bad Girl, but that is the only semi-dominant blend I have....and I'd rather not wear that scent to the places where this female is present.  And yes, we have to go there because it's business related...which also makes me less inclined to lay down the bitch slap...and he'd get in even more trouble if he tried to put her in her place blatantly.  Maybe even rudely, because he did try to make a point a few times, and she never really got it....or didn't care.

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Is it someone he works with/for?  Because if it's sexual harassment he is entitled by state/federal law to report it without retaliation.

 

But anyway, so you're saying neither Leather nor Dominance Potion would work for you in this instance?  You could always get Leather unscented or added to another scent if you feel it does work for you.

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If Leather or Dom won't work, what about La Femme Mystere? There's also Treasured Hearts or Swimming w/ the Sharks. Maybe think outside the box w/ Empathy potion. He could wear the SWS as well...

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I think Leather might work, I just don't have it in a scent I'd want to wear to the office or external business functions (which she is most "active" at.)  I do have UN LFM...but I have never paid attention to its effects on females before.  Maybe I will just order an UN Leather.  I don't know how Dom would work for me because I have never tried it.

 

She does work with him in an equal level position.  I'm not sure that at this point, if it would be considered harassment because it is more her attempting to push her way into our personal conversations, trying to push ME out of them and physically out of the way.  Stepping in between us even if we are close and taking over the conversations.  Using business matters to try to find ways to talk to him when we are having personal meals, etc., outside of the required business functions.  Following us around at events, even when we have obviously made an attempt to remove ourselves, and jumping right back between us or becoming so close on the other side, that is becomes uncomfortable to watch.  It was so painfully obvious what she was doing that other people took notice and asked me about it.  BUT...she doesn't touch him (yet) except in that friendly, touch your arm while you're talking kind of way.  He and I are not demonstrative in the work environment for obvious reasons, but most people recognize there is something there.  And based on some things she said to me, I am sure she knows, too.  It got fairly intense at an event the other night and I can't post too many details, just in case, but I had to walk away before I completely lost it and went off on her in a public, high end restaurant with a large number of fellow employers and their significant others watching.  

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Bad Girl is sexy, so I understand why you'd rather not wear it in professional situations. But would you be comfortable wearing it under your clothing only, and perhaps further down on your body, so the scent isn't close to your nose? At least until a possible Leather UN order arrives, if you anticipate seeing her again before that.

 

I like Beccah's suggestion of LFM as an alternative, which you already have. It does encourage respect from both sexes.

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I will try the LFM when I see her at the beginning of next week and see what happens.  OR maybe LFN?  I know it has the added cops, but I think also has a little touch of 'none...so that might up the respect level?  I have both in UN.  Thoughts?

 

Do we have any other scents for Leather?  Or maybe there is still a trial left over from pherotine.  It's just not something I use A LOT, so I have getting an entire bottle of UN.  Let me mull around the site.  I need to do another sale order, anyway... 

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Adding a vote for LFM or LFN. 

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Not necessarily a phero fix, but maybe check if anyone has dealt with a similar problem either on www.captainawkward.com or www.askamanager.com -- both of those are great resources for things like scripts for handling awkward situations, how to set and enforce boundaries, etc. 

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I think LFN is worth a shot too. That little none edge might back her up a bit. He needs to have a repellent for her! Lol. Good luck 

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7 hours ago, halo0073 said:

I think LFN is worth a shot too. That little none edge might back her up a bit. He needs to have a repellent for her! Lol. Good luck 

 

Yes, a repellent would be AMAZING!  

I know we have to see her at the onset of next week...so I will try the LFN.  I will probably go ahead and order the pherotine trial of Leather to keep as back up since there is still some in the shop....in case I need to take it up a notch.  Thanks, all!

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15 hours ago, Tinkerbelle said:

She does work with him in an equal level position.  I'm not sure that at this point, if it would be considered harassment because it is more her attempting to push her way into our personal conversations, trying to push ME out of them and physically out of the way.  Stepping in between us even if we are close and taking over the conversations.  Using business matters to try to find ways to talk to him when we are having personal meals, etc., outside of the required business functions.  Following us around at events, even when we have obviously made an attempt to remove ourselves, and jumping right back between us or becoming so close on the other side, that is becomes uncomfortable to watch.  It was so painfully obvious what she was doing that other people took notice and asked me about it.  BUT...she doesn't touch him (yet) except in that friendly, touch your arm while you're talking kind of way.  He and I are not demonstrative in the work environment for obvious reasons, but most people recognize there is something there.  And based on some things she said to me, I am sure she knows, too.  It got fairly intense at an event the other night and I can't post too many details, just in case, but I had to walk away before I completely lost it and went off on her in a public, high end restaurant with a large number of fellow employers and their significant others watching.  

 

But that is unprofessional behavior - sexual harassment isn't so black-and-white these days (I say this as someone who has taken a lot of corporate training courses on this subject in the past five years),  And if it's causing him stress, he has the right to report it.

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Just a suggestion for him, he needs to deal with that "friendly just-his-arm" touching thing. He needs to step it up. Does he touch female co-workers arms when talking to them? Do all the men in the office walk around touching any part of their female co-workers body parts in a "just friendly" way? Because it's not okay. He needs to react in a obvious way, that works for him. He needs to handle it, not you. 

If she touches his arm, he needs to respond as if she just smeared something on his arm, look at his arm and pretend that he does not want that jelly or butter or feces or whatever it was she just smeared on him. If she's following him around, he can clearly ask, " how can I help you?" If she's injecting/eavesdropping into a conversation, before she speaks/chimes in, he can stop talking and say, " did you need something?" Abruptly ending the conversation, even mid-sentence, to ask her what she needs/why she is interrupting is very clear. If there are things (like personal possessions or food or whatever) behind the two of you, he could say, "did you need something back here? Are we in your way" to emphasize her proximity. If she calls him on the phone, answering, "How can I help you X?" is also very clear.

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Fuck em up Eastwood. I like where this is going lol. But seriously I do agree. That’s amazing advice.

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@Tinkerbelle in no way am I suggesting that I don't like your BUB blend idea. I LIKE THE NAME, too. It reminds me of the homeless guy in Twelve Monkeys. I second LFN, I also think cops in OCCO could work. I am a little concerned that you are excessively well-mannered, and maybe he is too, so this woman is walking all over you two. 

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23 minutes ago, Eastwood22 said:

@Tinkerbelle in no way am I suggesting that I don't like your BUB blend idea. I LIKE THE NAME, too. 

I don't know why caps got locked on there, I'm not yelling at you.

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@Eastwood22  It's all good!  We are too well mannered...him more so than me...lol...but I am trying not to overstep because it IS his issue...outside of the fact that she is disrespecting ME, too, when she physically pushes herself into my space.  I was hoping by putting out the "respect" vibe, that she would get the hint a little more clearly.  We will see.  Honestly, if it was up to me, and we were NOT in a business setting, I would've told her in no uncertain terms that she needed to step it back. 

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From my perspective I would say that Leather or Dominance or LFM/N could potentially help you with your issue but you have to try them first, you know what I mean?  Now if none of them did, then I could see going the Mad Scientist route to try and work out a blend that would.

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@Tinkerbelle what blends have you worn around her in the past? Is there any possibility of killing her with kindness? I don't think it's what's needed, but you never know. I did have an arch nemesis excitedly crash-hugging me and repeating how good it was to see me when I approached her with Liebchen. Have you ever worn Girl/Girl or TH around her? Again, I'd more likely go LFN or Leather, but I wonder what a softener rather than a hardener would do. Has she ever been around you when you had one of those on?

As far as feeling as though it's his responsibility to put her in her place, if he's already very polite, this might just be short circuiting his brain, the need to put down a woman in what he could consider a rude way. A nice guy could put up with bad behavior from a woman that he would never tolerate from a man. Your only recourse as far as encouraging him would be to paint a scenario for him to ponder where the roles were reversed. You could even pick the name of a man he's already not fond of, and say "imagine him petting my arm and injecting himself between us..." and so on. If you can make it real in his mind he will at least have empathy and then he can decide how to act from a place of empathy for you.

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I have usually had on Perfect Match or Gotcha around her because he responds to those very well.

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I would avoid wearing the PM around her, it is unisex so possibly drawing her closer? Anything is possible.

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Could be.  He just reacts SO WELL to it, that I almost hate NOT wearing it with him.  Gotcha is a close second, but PM is really the biggest hitter for him.  Oh, well.  He does respond well to LFN, too, so I know that wearing that for her sake will still yield good results with him, too.

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So, just before our regular office meeting this morning, she came up to me and tried to be chatty to which I replied, but made ZERO efforts to be cordial...just civil.  She seemed to get the hint pretty quickly and moved on.  (I was wearing LFN UN on my chest, and a little bit of LFN spray that I had made with a light scenting of sugared honeycomb.)  

 

He then approached me shortly thereafter and she did NOT try to interject herself. Which I was thankful for.  I did see her speak to him for a moment later on, but it didn't last.  And he and I sat together during the meeting and she kept her distance, not trying to sit with us.  So that was also a win!  

 

Not sure if it was the LFN, the dirty look I gave her last time, my shortness or a combination...but something worked this time around.  We have an evening function we have to attend this week, as well, so I will DEFINITELY be wearing the LFN again and see how it plays out in a more social setting.  

 

As for him, he was very attentive to me after the meeting before we had to go do our actual jobs...lol...and we had a great dinner together after work at which he was a little more touchy than usual.  So all in all, I'm happy with the results of the first LFN run.  :)

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Yes OMG this is me lol, whenever anyone gets me in a tizz, they really know about it, i'm really not very dipomatic and if somebody really annoys they know about it in seconds!

a bitch repelent perfume would be cool!

called "don't rub my back" lol!

i would buy gallons!

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@Tinkerbelle it sounds like the LFN plus the intentions can be doing their magic! What night is the evening function?

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11 hours ago, Tinkerbelle said:

So, just before our regular office meeting this morning, she came up to me and tried to be chatty to which I replied, but made ZERO efforts to be cordial...just civil.  She seemed to get the hint pretty quickly and moved on.  (I was wearing LFN UN on my chest, and a little bit of LFN spray that I had made with a light scenting of sugared honeycomb.)  

 

He then approached me shortly thereafter and she did NOT try to interject herself. Which I was thankful for.  I did see her speak to him for a moment later on, but it didn't last.  And he and I sat together during the meeting and she kept her distance, not trying to sit with us.  So that was also a win!  

 

Not sure if it was the LFN, the dirty look I gave her last time, my shortness or a combination...but something worked this time around.  We have an evening function we have to attend this week, as well, so I will DEFINITELY be wearing the LFN again and see how it plays out in a more social setting.  

 

As for him, he was very attentive to me after the meeting before we had to go do our actual jobs...lol...and we had a great dinner together after work at which he was a little more touchy than usual.  So all in all, I'm happy with the results of the first LFN run.  :)

It definitely sounds like a successful interaction as far as setting boundaries. The LFN seems to have reinforced your behavior by letting her know not to mess with you, that you are above her type of nonsense.  I think this will go a long way in driving home the point that you do not perceive her as a threat, but more of an annoyance, if anything. This gives you more power to control the situation and look confident to both her and your BF.  I can't wait to hear how the social event goes!

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5 hours ago, Kayla said:

The LFN seems to have reinforced your behavior by letting her know not to mess with you, that you are above her type of nonsense.  I think this will go a long way in driving home the point that you do not perceive her as a threat, but more of an annoyance, if anything.

 

Yes, it seems the "status" aspect of LFN does give off the vibe of "you aren't a threat to me because I'm above you" feeling, which sounds like it worked perfectly for this situation! I'll have to remember this thread if I find myself in something similar...

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@Eastwood22  Wednesday evening unless our vendor reschedules.  Should be interesting.  I am going to have to miss the dinner portion of the evening and just be there for the actual "work" part...ugg...but even that will be very interactive and we'll definitely have the opportunity to see how the LFN plays. :)

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On 7/25/2018 at 5:52 PM, Tinkerbelle said:

Ok, so this is partially a rant...partially an idea...and partially a request for suggestions.

 

Can we have a new blend formulated called Back Up Bitch?  Or...BUB for short.

 

I want this blend to let other women know they need to back up off your man without him or you having to get in her face about it. :)  Because I don't like drama.  And I don't like BEING the bitch or getting catty.  But it almost went down the other night, and I am still in a tizzy over it.

 

That being said...I'd have no idea how to custom blend a formula for that.....like a mad scientist blend.  So what of our other blends might work?

 

I have Leather in Bad Girl, but that is the only semi-dominant blend I have....and I'd rather not wear that scent to the places where this female is present.  And yes, we have to go there because it's business related...which also makes me less inclined to lay down the bitch slap...and he'd get in even more trouble if he tried to put her in her place blatantly.  Maybe even rudely, because he did try to make a point a few times, and she never really got it....or didn't care.

Well in response to your request I say we have Dominance and Leather. Leather is full on dominant by the way. Well maybe thats IMO. Anyway..

But an un in either should be fine. 

LFN is another choice. He should wear SWS. 

 

But, I don't get why he can't ask her to stop. Basically he can. Either directly (if shes so upfront) or more subtly. For example she steps in between you two, HE says excuse us we are in a conversation, walks around/past her and you two exit together. Easy-peasy. If after a few clear but soft attempts like this its time to get real clear. 2 choices tell her to her face to stop or go to another co-worker of equal or higher rank and tactfully state his business. Cleanly & politely explain the level of discomfort. Think about what Luna said.

But, I will tell you that anyone in the business will tell him that he first had to let her know hes not intrested. If hes done that and she is fool enough to persist then someone else can step up. But it will be best if he can clear it up himself. 

 

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