New Alpha Man Phero advice

[Magnanimity]

Hi,

I am reading all your suggestions. And the update till date is below

He and me are in continuous touch, text and most of time calls. Each day starts with a text and call and ends with a call. He is being soft and caring. Last week told me he is coming next week to the town for a whole week. He has ample time this week and would want to spend quality time. he told me nothing is important to him then my comfort and likability. we will spend time how i would prefer. He just want to cuddle up but if i am not ready( i clearly mentioned it to him while making dating plans) he is fine waiting whatever time. He wont push things unless i am ready. He has to meet his son one day and attend a social do on weekend, which he wishes to skip if i get time and choose to meet him. He is also planning a 2 week off. after meeting me this week. if things go well and we want to move forward he will visit his mom and family and comeback to spend more time with me. He also mentioned that as his next one and half year are uncertain , he would want to sit and talk with me how we plan to manage all the emotional and practical aspects of being together. He shows concern and looks not that bad. I think so because , once i called him and he was on another call. later he said it was his son and he shared a screen shot where his sons and mothers phone numbers were clearly visible digit by digit. A fake person wouldn't risk away that information. I happened to like a product on an auction, i just requested to bargain for me. he did and offered to pay and get it delivered to me. i refused the pay offer and he shut me by saying we can argue about that later but i am paying for it now.

 I am not going to any hotel or any such place for sure.  We test men in our own ways, and maybe he is also testing me. that could be one possibility. I come from a conservative country from east , so here we have not so open culture. and as a mate men prefer a conservative women. Living in or not marrying is still a no here, or at least for our generation, its looked upon like that. New gen is of course living in and doing what not. so i can understand his concern about not including his family right away. 

 

I so agree that i need to be extremely careful, which i am being. Still i am finding  some good signs. I asked for his divorce papers and he is arranging from lawyer. so lets see.

He will be here from next monday. You can suggest me date plans and also the pheros to wear. I will take a hard pass, if things look fishy in next few meetings. 

 

[Eastwood22]

17 hours ago, Magnanimity said:

I so agree that i need to be extremely careful, which i am being. Still i am finding  some good signs. I asked for his divorce papers and he is arranging from lawyer. so lets see.

He will be here from next monday. You can suggest me date plans and also the pheros to wear. I will take a hard pass, if things look fishy in next few meetings. 

I like how you're proceeding with caution! And I love that you asked for divorce papers. That's bold!

I apologize that I didn't realize you were from a more conservative country. It makes sense, though, now that I understand. As an American woman raised by several generations of feminists, I just couldn't conceive of letting a man have any kind of temper flare ups directed my way in such an early stage in a relationship. I don't know what country you're in, so I can't guess at the customs, but here in the U.S. his behavior would be considered off and it raised i more than just a few red flags for me. But I think being cautious with someone you meet online and moving slow is universal, right? I personally go by the rules of 10. That means I have to go on at least 10 dates with a man before I have sex with him. Sex can be weird enough, why have awkward sex with someone I don't really know? For me, it's never been a way to "get to know someone." I also try really hard to "date" at least 10 different men before I get into a committed relationship. This can be a quick coffee date, or a movie, or whatever, but I have to go out with 10(!) different men before I choose one. Since I don't even kiss before a 3rd date, it's not a big deal. But it keeps me from ever settling for the first person who wants to take me to a movie. (I don't know that I've ever gotten to 10, but it's where I aim and I will tell my daughter to do the same!) 

 

As as far as pheros go, maybe less cops? No need to torture him. Cops, yes, just less of them. I'd think if there was a phero that makes other people talk that doesn't effect you, that's the one! 

[Magnanimity]

Thanks for writing.

I am from country of snake charmers, so the culture thing. (i will remove this line just writing for sometime)

I don't plan to even let him kiss whichever number of dates we go out for, unless i feel confident about it. 

I simply mentioned it and he said , i respect it if your not ready, though i so much want it but won't push anything on you. 

The reactions i am getting from him aren't new for me. People usually get impressed easily with me phero or no phero. II want or not , i get lot of attention, if i walk in a room from both males and female . So i understand his reaction. So if i don't put on a Dom kind of attitude externally, and let people approach me, i will at least get 2-5 proposals a day. I think phero tips them to blurt it out whatever they think. I am a conditioned, experienced phero user , so i know how to use them too . I am in them for 10 years now and i have used them for my advantage, I cultivate very successful desired responses in people with pheros.

No matter what , if he has wrong intentions, he will not have his ways with me. I will go less on cops and more on true confessions.... with Dom or leather. Lets see how he reacts. He said he likes alpha women and an equal, i will bring him that and see how he takes it. 

18 minutes ago, Eastwood22 said:

I like how you're proceeding with caution! And I love that you asked for divorce papers. That's bold!

I did and reminded him and clearly told unless i see those, we will not move further.

 

18 minutes ago, Eastwood22 said:

 As an American woman raised by several generations of feminists, I just couldn't conceive of letting a man have any kind of temper flare ups directed my way in such an early stage in a relationship. I don't know what country you're in, so I can't guess at the customs, but here in the U.S. his behavior would be considered off and it raised i more than just a few red flags for me.

Did for me too and i mentioned that an outburst or simply an emotion is fine if its momentary but if converts into fight or the reason of taking decisions in the bust, i would rethink about you. because i want a peaceful relationship and not another stress for me. I already have many other.  Our relationship should be a pleasure not not a pain in any way. He was quite and had gone into thinking mode when i said so. 

18 minutes ago, Eastwood22 said:

 

But I think being cautious with someone you meet online and moving slow is universal, right? I personally go by the rules of 10. That means I have to go on at least 10 dates with a man before I have sex with him. Sex can be weird enough, why have awkward sex with someone I don't really know? For me, it's never been a way to "get to know someone."

He understood that it might take years for me to reach that stage of sex and said he is ready to wait till i feel comfortable. I simply mentioned it too early even to think about it.. as we need to know a lot about each other, Sharing myself with someone is a big life decision which won't happen unless i see him totally committed in his actions not just words.

18 minutes ago, Eastwood22 said:

 

 

 

I also try really hard to "date" at least 10 different men before I get into a committed relationship. This can be a quick coffee date, or a movie, or whatever, but I have to go out with 10(!) different men before I choose one. Since I don't even kiss before a 3rd date, it's not a big deal. But it keeps me from ever settling for the first person who wants to take me to a movie. (I don't know that I've ever gotten to 10, but it's where I aim and I will tell my daughter to do the same!) 

 

I am meeting people for last 4 years, i met at least 10 12 men, ( spoken to at least 30 on phone but couldn't think of dating them )and i couldn't sit with anyone past 30 minutes and paid coffee bill on some dates and excused myself on all. This guy could hold my attention and made me feel comfortable enough in conversation. I am not at all an emotional creature who would fall for anyone. I will take my own sweet time in knowing this guy. So hang in there Girl. But i am so happy that you are genuinely concerned about my well being despite only knowing the story online. The female bond. Thanks sweets.

 

18 minutes ago, Eastwood22 said:

 

As as far as pheros go, maybe less cops? No need to torture him. Cops, yes, just less of them. I'd think if there was a phero that makes other people talk that doesn't effect you, that's the one! 

That's what the plan is for next couple of dates. I will keep you posted. Thanks for reading and writing and your time in here. I value it. Pls keep reading and posting your thoughts, they are good to have for a completely detached perspective

 

[Magnanimity]

Hi, 

 

So the lawyer said , he is busy with his daughter's work and will be available after 3 weeks to forward papers and all.  

This is the exact timeline he has in mind to spend with me in coming week and if things go well will apply for another 2 weeks of leave to spend more time with me.. probably go out on a small trip nearby or something like that. Okay very well ! I understand.

 

He seems less in me for last 2 days. he wishes to discuss what he can give me practically in next one and half year as much going on in his life and total uncertainty. when he is in another town how we will manage is his thought, plus he doesn't like to hurt or spoil my time in any way. And he also doesn't like me to regret later that i didn't go for someone else. (i just fail to understand all these thoughts)

 

So guys i plan to only meet him for a lunch or coffee for 2 days, That's all the time i will have and then after i will be very busy with my work and family things. I am going to politely tell him that we should wait till his lawyer sends papers. and would like go easy for moving further. He can plan his leave time with family or other friends as i will be busy.  Or he may plan the leave later, if he wishes to spend time with me only, after we get the papers, maybe next month. 

 

If he is a player , he will run away and understand , i am not giving in unless i see papers. or if he is legit, he will make sure he get the papers sooner or later. In the meantime 2 dates will also give me enough insights whats on his mind. I am definitely going with leather, Dom or true confessions, with tiny cops. 

 

Hope this works  

  

 

 

[Eastwood22]

Genius! I've not had a single friend ever demand to see papers, good for you! I did have a friend commit to a man for several years, who always had to run off to another country for a family emergency during the holidays. This was maybe 15 years ago, before we were used to everyone's personal info being on the internet. After the third Christmas where he had to run off, I thought to tell her to Google him, and we found out he'd been with his wife since he was 15 years old! He was also ten years older than what he had been claiming.

If you stick with this and he's legit, he will always know that you are a woman NOT to mess with.

Edited October 9, 2019 by Eastwood22

[quietguy]

5 hours ago, Eastwood22 said:

 I did have a friend commit to a man for several years, who always had to run off to another country for a family emergency during the holidays. This was maybe 15 years ago, before we were used to everyone's personal info being on the internet. After the third Christmas where he had to run off, I thought to tell her to Google him, and we found out he'd been with his wife since he was 15 years old! He was also ten years older than what he had been claiming.

 

Wow.

1. Could not do that to someone.

2. Not bold enough to try.

 

Just wow. 

[raydee8_love]

21 hours ago, Magnanimity said:

He seems less in me for last 2 days. he wishes to discuss what he can give me practically in next one and half year as much going on in his life and total uncertainty. when he is in another town how we will manage is his thought, plus he doesn't like to hurt or spoil my time in any way. And he also doesn't like me to regret later that i didn't go for someone else. (i just fail to understand all these thoughts)

.......... hhhhmmmmm.......

 

this makes me question what he really means.....  seems kinda odd to me - why is he making all these plans?? when you don't know who he is yet-  and he doesn't know who you are yet.

I just don't like that he seems to rush in/back off..... rush in/back off -

 

also finding fault in you- blaming you about phone call thing - that is highly worrisome to me - i do not like that at all

 

 enjoy what he offers -  BUT don't invest in him , sit back and see how it goes - don't let him rush you into anything 

 

hoping for the best for you 

[Eastwood22]

7 hours ago, quietguy said:

 

Wow.

1. Could not do that to someone.

2. Not bold enough to try.

 

Just wow. 

@quietguy to put it into perspective as to what kind of man gets to do that kind of thing, he had two Bentley's and an airplane. And a cute little side house to play "we'll live here someday" with my girlfriend. Honestly, I liked the guy. He was funny and worldly and gave good "fatherly" advice. He was very interesting and made everyone around him feel comfortable. When he listened to someone, it was obvious he was intrigued by him. If he though someone was full of shit, he payed them no attention. (His snap judgement was always dead on.) As the best friend of his girlfriend, I reaped all the benefits without the heartbreak. She and I got to launch our own underwear line. When we flew to Vegas on his private plane I got to sit in the jump seat. Do you know you don't have to wear seat belts on private planes? That was neat. When we stayed in the top suite at the very very top of the Bellagio, it was like being on top of the world. He even told her what a good friend I was because I always dressed modestly around him and her other girlfriends would flirt with him. 

Obviously, it was a shifty and shitty thing to do, but I do know he married his HS sweetheart and it was a bit of an arranged marriage. I don't doubt his affections for my friend were real, she's amazing. She was crushed when she found out, wouldn't eat or stop crying for weeks. I almost felt bad for causing her to research him. He actually paid her rent and carnote and some other bills for over a year after they broke up because she had spent several years traveling, had left her fashion job, and was "doing research" for his upscale denim company. That means she would shop for two days, hand him all of her stuff, then he'd take it his company and they'd discuss trends and her fashion choices. He didn't stop paying until her maid told him about her new boyfriend. It was hard for her but she's now married to a great guy and they have two kids, and they both live in LA and are major fashion influencers(?). Not sure if that's the right word, but they seem to be influencing the masses, as far as I can tell. It was a long road with a fabulous ending.

[raydee8_love]

yes to TMI and Dom and leather 

 

some of his actions don't seem very capricorn w/leo moon -  

[Magnanimity]

9 hours ago, raydee8_love said:

.......... hhhhmmmmm.......

 

this makes me question what he really means.....  seems kinda odd to me - why is he making all these plans?? when you don't know who he is yet-  and he doesn't know who you are yet.

I just don't like that he seems to rush in/back off..... rush in/back off -

 

also finding fault in you- blaming you about phone call thing - that is highly worrisome to me - i do not like that at all

 

 enjoy what he offers -  BUT don't invest in him , sit back and see how it goes - don't let him rush you into anything 

 

hoping for the best for you 

Well Thanks @raydee8_love. for reading and your thoughts. I am waiting to see the action on offers, so far none. He seems frugal on date thing as well. As he mentioned he would not think of going for lunch as he is on diet for weight. he needs to do that for job. Okay understandable but i can always eat. But he has no plan for any lunch date. In fact he said he is not getting hotel options towards my side of city so i might need to travel towards him. And he says why to make plans we will see as we go and whatever time and situation permits. BTW his trip is official and hotel paid too but , if he takes any other then designated one the expense would be on him , so he has to take and i can come towards where he will be.  ( id not like the idea)

Last time i refused to meet because he changed the plan last minute and expected me to go towards him. Now again the same has started. There is no fixed day and time to meet and no location decided. 

 

So i will see as he will tell me tonight about the travel and stay plan. If it makes sense to me then okay, else i will pass the date.

 

 

[Magnanimity]

8 hours ago, Eastwood22 said:

@quietguy to put it into perspective as to what kind of man gets to do that kind of thing, he had two Bentley's and an airplane. And a cute little side house to play "we'll live here someday" with my girlfriend. Honestly, I liked the guy. He was funny and worldly and gave good "fatherly" advice. He was very interesting and made everyone around him feel comfortable. When he listened to someone, it was obvious he was intrigued by him. If he though someone was full of shit, he payed them no attention. (His snap judgement was always dead on.) As the best friend of his girlfriend, I reaped all the benefits without the heartbreak. She and I got to launch our own underwear line. When we flew to Vegas on his private plane I got to sit in the jump seat. Do you know you don't have to wear seat belts on private planes? That was neat. When we stayed in the top suite at the very very top of the Bellagio, it was like being on top of the world. He even told her what a good friend I was because I always dressed modestly around him and her other girlfriends would flirt with him. 

Obviously, it was a shifty and shitty thing to do, but I do know he married his HS sweetheart and it was a bit of an arranged marriage. I don't doubt his affections for my friend were real, she's amazing. She was crushed when she found out, wouldn't eat or stop crying for weeks. I almost felt bad for causing her to research him. He actually paid her rent and carnote and some other bills for over a year after they broke up because she had spent several years traveling, had left her fashion job, and was "doing research" for his upscale denim company. That means she would shop for two days, hand him all of her stuff, then he'd take it his company and they'd discuss trends and her fashion choices. He didn't stop paying until her maid told him about her new boyfriend. It was hard for her but she's now married to a great guy and they have two kids, and they both live in LA and are major fashion influencers(?). Not sure if that's the right word, but they seem to be influencing the masses, as far as I can tell. It was a long road with a fabulous ending.

OMG, anything can happen anywhere. You find all sorts of people everywhere. Country culture really don't matter.

[Magnanimity]

4 minutes ago, raydee8_love said:

yes to TMI and Dom and leather 

 

some of his actions don't seem very capricorn w/leo moon -  

 Thanks, but only if i go. Things don't seem bright, at least so far. till the last call of yesterday.If any development today, might change my mind.

[Magnanimity]

 

7 minutes ago, raydee8_love said:

yes to TMI and Dom and leather 

 

some of his actions don't seem very capricorn w/leo moon -  

Who knows this is the legit Dob or just on papers? for last 2 days guy is not texting or into chat o r call much. Waits for me to initiate all that. Not a good sign, he is just trying to read , how much i am into him. 

[hedgehog]

I love how you're Domming it up and asking for papers! Props to you for your patience in handling all this - I would have bailed a long way back, haha.  Reading about it is interesting but it sounds exhausting! 

[Magnanimity]

2 hours ago, hedgehog said:

I love how you're Domming it up and asking for papers! Props to you for your patience in handling all this - I would have bailed a long way back, haha.  Reading about it is interesting but it sounds exhausting! 

Yeah Dear! Any creation need effort and patience. I am determined to find myself a high value and caring man. I can drop him anytime that's very easy if he is not legit or undeserving in any way. but if he turns out to be good, i will be happy. There are many common interests we share and we talk on and on about those. He is amazing calligrapher and would share his writings. He helps me in my small DIY's and his ideas are awesome, so are mine and when we talk, we have such good fun time talking and experimenting on those.  i cant write everything here, but our creativity inclination got us connected. i am moving to another house soon ans he is helping me with planning and easy cheap ideas for decor and doing the house. He inspires me when i feel uninterested in doing things. He fills me up with enthusiasm and then leave to me to go for it. I hurt my hand and its in bandage will take for recovery. He would call me from work and ask me to take medicine right on time. he takes that pain to remind me not to use my hand while running errands. He pushed me to take physiotherapy for early healing. So there are good things and there are bad things. No ones' is perfect. I just need to give time so i know his good part outweighs his bad. We all are packages and we bring along so much in each relationship. We want to be accepted as we are, so we should have the courage to accept someone else as is. I can ignore his temperament , if he comes around and about me once cool, and be his caring and loving self rest of the time.  

 

Hope for good

[raydee8_love]

On 10/10/2019 at 8:55 AM, Magnanimity said:

seems frugal on date thing as well.

 that is very Capricorn... so thrifty .... so cheap

 

On 10/10/2019 at 8:55 AM, Magnanimity said:

he mentioned he would not think of going for lunch as he is on diet for weight. he needs to do that for job

this!!! this is just selfish - he could have fish, soup, vegetables  he doesn't need to order high calorie food - so I'll call him on that 

 

On 10/10/2019 at 8:55 AM, Magnanimity said:

i might need to travel towards him

......hhh say What???  so he is testing to see what you will do  - here for work again ???? 

if you already established and he was asking you to come to him that would be different 

 

why are You the squeeze in on the schedule 

 

 

 

 

On 10/10/2019 at 8:55 AM, Magnanimity said:

why to make plans we will see as we go and whatever time and situation permits.

avoidant behavior - he can't get close, 

 

when is he coming just to see you?? 

 

 

On 10/10/2019 at 8:55 AM, Magnanimity said:

  ( id not like the idea)

 neither do I - what the hell??

 

On 10/10/2019 at 8:55 AM, Magnanimity said:

There is no fixed day and time to meet and no location decided. 

hey be a gentleman and make a plan to see the lady ... another avoidant behavior 

 

capricorns are big on respect and reputation - his behavior towards you seems, at times, to be disrespectful 

 

also why doesn't he have his own copy of his divorce papers?? just another nagging tidbit 

 

  in the usa divorce papers are public records and can be searched by county 

12 hours ago, Magnanimity said:

We all are packages and we bring along so much in each relationship. We want to be accepted as we are, so we should have the courage to accept someone else as is.

 

yes I agree 100% and when you're older we also have kids, stepkids, grandkids, elderly parents,  other dependents and our work, our houses and stuff, debt,  faults, baggage, unfinished business so it's acceptance ++++

 

I wonder if you could ask for some references ? you do for work professional and personal references 

 

I am still hoping he'll get over himself 

[Magnanimity]

Hi, 

After being little distant naturally & some conversations, things took good turn. The choice was given to me to plan the date, place and time and he will do as i say. His idea was i should feel comfortable in whatever we do together so i should plan as per my liking and choice. So i decided the location where i am most comfortable. He will come to my side and then after spending day with me, he will go to his hotel. Basis on how this goes we shall plan next day after his work. Again i have full liberty to plan and he will follow whatever i say for next day too. 

 

I will be wearing leather with some cops and may be additional Bnol or refresh with True confessions  after 4 hours or so. Will report how it goes. 

Day after i plan to wear LFM/LFN with bit cops, and additional Anol. Depending on how these two days go i will decide the third day mix. As we have set two days plan and 3rd day we will decide how these two days go. I decided a mall again for tomorrow with lunch , next day i planned an small event with evening coffee or dinner. Third day i am still thinking about. 

 

Suggest phero mixes, if you have any in mind. 

[Magnanimity]

I had written the entire report of yesterday. Will be writing fresh one

 

 

Edited October 15, 2019 by Magnanimity
Writing new update.

[Magnanimity]

Hi, Some update here

 

I wore leather with 1 drop of pure cops 20 mins dry down and covered with off shelf perfume.

Added 2 Bnol and (some happy mone from other company)

After 2 hours i applied SWS 

We met yesterday and had some good time. He came to me directly from station and we were hanging out in the same mall. He got me chocolates , a brooch and some calligraphy writings. That was cute. He held my waist and complimented how great i was looking in formals. after 30 mins or so he insisted me to eat. He wasn't eating so ordered for me. He was lovingly looking at me while i ate and he just had water. I didn't feel very good that i ate alone but as he had to loose , we had no other choice. He kissed me on forehead all the time and kept on saying i eat less should have more. I felt like a child fed by a daddy. ( Is it EST making this vibe?) Then we went on window shopping he ended up buying me some items we looked last time but i didn't let him buy. Those were some kitchen Items, crockery and households. ( Its insane, why would he do that?)Then he went to but me a dress and i refused as i didn't need one . and he already spent enough for the day. Spending more was making me uncomfortable. He asked me if not dress what i want ( leather or EST ?) I said nothing so he said , i should tell what i want and let him do things for me.  Then we sat for some sparkling lime water and talked for a while. He brought his hard disk to save me some music in my laptop, that was fun. (i happened to mention i lost my good music collection and feeling lazy to do all the effort to download and make all folders again). while the music thing happening i asked him to talk whatever he wanted to discuss in person. He said he was waiting to see me again and , he felt same intensity , same attraction and same wanting feeling. he said he likes every second  of being with me and time flies and he wants more of it. "It doesn't matter where we are and what we do, whats important is that we are together" those were his words. I refreshed my mones with Sws after 3 hours, Just before this discussion. So he goes like this- " Its good between us and though i want to kiss you so badly , i wont because i know you wont like it. I want to wait till you are ready. I respect you and don't want you push you you into anything that you are not comfortable in. We are getting to know each other and its too early to say anything how it will be, but i want to be with you and want to take things further, at your pace. Those are my feelings and thoughts. I shared mine and told him there are certain things about him which , i would like to take time on, like the way he snaps and his anger. He said its there, and he mentioned it honestly, but it goes off also and he let go of it and wont linger it on. W changed the topic to lighter things, finally moved from there saying lets see how it goes for us.

I mentioned somewhere that my hand is hurt and i am driving with one hand. He offered to drive but anyways i had to drive back and drop him till outside the mall so he takes a cab to hotel, I kept driving. As a red light turned a green a guy on bike broke my rear mirror and ran. He asked me to follow. I dont stop in such cases and go my way but as he was with me i did. The moment i stopped car  he jumped out and caught hold of the guy and slapped him badly he started bleeding. people gathered and it was a scene of road rage. I kept sitting but eventually stepped out. H was asking the bike guy to give money for damage or he will call police. He kept on threatening but didn't call police. In rage he showed his i card to a guy in the crowd who was arguing a lot. A guy from the crowd said there is no point asking money as you have beaten him up enough. I was stunned as the bike guy's nose was bleeding. I calmed him down took him to a side and said we should leave. If i call police, he will be involved too and too much of a hassle for me. The crowd dispersed calling us names for being bad to the bike guy and we got in car too.

From here he had to leave and reach hotel and hand over his calligraphy to a lady who was putting them up for an exhibition. I have to mention as this connects to next string. 

As i started the car, it did not start. I asked him to book his car and leave and suggested either i will call my brother or the mechanic and they will help. he should leave as he has a schedule and meeting. He booked uber. the uber driver stopped and offered help before taking him. We tried pushing my car to start but it didn't work. In the meantime i called my mechanic and asked for solution. His workshop was closed so he told me to crane lift it and leave at his workshop with he guard. alternatively asked me to put engine oil and try starting. He went on with uber to a nearby petrol station and got me oil, it didn't work. So i took crane's number from my mechanic and called him.  He kept on asking me to leave and simply tell my brother to do things for me. That''s how i don''t operate. Still i called my brother and informed him, he also suggested to drop the car and told me he will send a guy from office who will help me with all this. Now this guy leaves in Uber and kept on calling me from his way back. took updates when crane reached and i booked a cab to reached  home. 

 

Later at night on the call from hotel, he again mentioned, That he is not intending to push me in bed. He has ways and means , if he wants those. There are enough opportunities available, and he can avail those. he need not to spend so much of time and effort , if he only wishes to get sex. He said he wants a stable relationship with me, soo all the time and effort is going on. He smiled and said he knows that i will take things at glacial pace.  He is fine and okay to let me decide the pace and let me have control over it. i said i am not controlling and he smiled again and said , even if you are, there is nothing wrong and he is pretty comfortable with it. 

We had more simple, intense and light moments during call and date which will be too much to write. The most important statement came at call... " I am liking how i feel about you and the way you make feel when i am with you. I don't want to screw it for any reason , i want to move forward with you, and as and how you want to."

 

so leather did its job, he didn't try to cross the limits. Did you guys sensed leather doing its job? He is fine about me deciding things .. Yet he provided me all along. very good result so far. 

 

So yesterday afternoon he called and apologized for not able to make any plan for today as he has to stay longer for medicals. 

So what you guys say, should i notch it up to Dom next time or go for LFM?

Suggest any other brilliant idea you have about mones. As i have not  experienced before a man paying for me at all through out my life( my ex didn't do it, rather i did it for him), I feel strange when he is paying for me. I need to recondition myself about this trait.  He also said , i need to sit back and relax and let him do things for me. Buying me small things makes him happy and that's how we grow to bigger ones. ahem ... what this man is thinking , i want to peek inside his mind. 

 

 Males of the forum pls help me knowing more....

Thanks to all of you who are reading and suggesting !

[Magnanimity]

Hi, 

It was long to read but i mentioned everything so it makes sense to connect with what happened next.

As he abruptly cancelled yesterday plan, i sensed something going on. So refrained from texting till sleep time. he texted goodnight finally, i replied and there we started a bit conversation. He said he was feeling guilty about what happened yesterday. I simply said, things happen and i moved past it. he said today's is the last day we can chat till sunday as he is going to his sis now. ( I find this strange). I just touched a little on this. I said you wanted to talk in person about many things but you ended up saying nothing yesterday. So let me know if there is anything you wish to talk next time. I said there were some red flags i also noticed which we shall talk. he right away gave me a video call and talked that he felt same. Now i am writing his words as is-" I told you earlier also and felt it yesterday. You are a women who wont let me in. You didn''t let me do anything yesterday. "'"I said i didnt stop you from anything. He said you asked me to go and i felt bad about it.  I said it was a choice, as i was concerned about your meeting and commitment. It was you to know if could avoid that or not and still stood with me. I felt very strange. this guy felt i didn't let him do things. He happened to say on phone last week that we may take things to next level thats one way to push our boundaries. Now he referred same and said that i know you wont do that. I feel that i am just add on to your life, if i am or i am not wont make a much difference to you. i said so far its like that but yes once we reach a point, you will make difference. he said you don't let me pay for small things( which i actually let him do) where i come and exist in your life. You will take many years to reach where we actually go intimate. i was listening patiently so far, On this statement i said, yes unless i see your papers i wont go to that next level. he said so you have no trust which is understandable. But otherwise also, i see the way you are constructed. he found many other faults in me. i said i felt same way about you that you don't let me care for you and i feel  am nowhere. If i suggest some weight loss ideas he simply shunned away. I also felt same where i stand in his life. He want to keep it secret, not prepared to think about how we will be together after year or so. I am not hurrying up but thats worrying him.

So the conversation kept on and on and he said its not going anywhere as even if we take things further, and get intimate and all you will feel bad and if things don't work out then. So asked me what i want to do. He said lets sleep over this. I thought for while and said, lets take sometime to think. Not connect now and when you go back from trip you let me know, we shall talk. In the meantime we will know how we feel in this away time. he will be going back after 10 days. so we decide we will not contact and only talk once he reaches back. I have no idea who will contact first. That's left open. 

 

Now my thoughts and points to ponder. leather gave him the vibe which i wanted to give him. Either this guy is still married and going to his family so asked me not to text him when he is with his sister. ( WTF, no sister checks your phone and nor her kids would do that) Even if he is divorced, he doesn''t know what he wants. Or on second thoughts he knows what want but i am not matching there anymore. he said in our culture people do get married first , do intimacy thing and then everything falls in place. I said security of marriage stand behind that.  I know he read me , and i read him. And i fail to understand just not messaging him one day , made him rethink about everything. he seem impulsive about everything. 

Though i felt good with him and liked him,  and vise versa, the way things went, i feel some mismatch and confusion in what he is saying and doing. He doesn't want to give exact reason , but he wants to excuse himself. He felt guilty about picking up a road rage and then doing nothing about it to sort it. then choose to leave me on road and again feel guilty but blamed it on me. He could have stayed, it was simple to cancel his cab and stay. I wouldn't have refused. In fact would have felt better that i am supported by him. 

We both are very strong people and we both are not finding a place in others life. either it is this truly or he just want to run away giving me excuses of his own faults, as he knows with that one experience i got know about him a lot. Its easy to say i want a strong women but its not easy to be with one when one finds her. 

 

Your thoughts and suggestions please. 

 

 

 

[Magnanimity]

But all the thanks to Leather and SWS, they did their job very well.  A player will find ways to run and a legit man will stay with her strong woman, knowing who she is and with whon he wishes to be with. 

 

[Magnanimity]

I am little off and feeling little low for the moment. I liked this guy and told him too. and  i think this happened after 4 5 years of me looking and meeting people on single dates. i couldn't get past one date with any guy. They wanted second dates bit i didn't . i like strong man and alpha because i know only such a man can be with me. I wont let this hit me on my self esteem or confidence, but i am sure thinking do i need to learn to sit back and relax? i surley do not know how to do that? no man was around so i don't know how to be in that skin. I fend me and my daughter and fought my own battles. Its not easy in the country i live but i am standing tall on my feet.  i am not heart broken but i wish things were better.  

[raydee8_love]

26 minutes ago, Magnanimity said:

he found many other faults in me. i said i felt same way about you that you don't let me care for you and i feel  am nowhere

i find this highly worrisome  - 

new people are usually more blind to people's faults ....   He is telling you it won't work out without saying this.

 

10 days??    his sister??  no communication???  Very odd 

 

Plus - leaving a lady stranded on a street ???? - what kind of a man or a friend does that ?? 

 

a lot of what he is saying probably works on other women - 

 

yes sit back and do NOTHING   do stuff with friends and family,  make things, read, cook

 

 i think he will call in 10 days LFM -  mix it up 

 

 

[Magnanimity]

1 minute ago, raydee8_love said:

 

 

 i think he will call in 10 days LFM -  mix it up 

Do you think so??? He said he is very stubborn and once he is gone he will be gone. I said so am i , no u turns for me not for anything.   

May be you have better exprience, but i am thinking its called off.  He said so in clear words before i suggested to take time off. He almost said what you want to do? He said there is no point to continue, as its not working now so it wont work in future. 

 

 And what you saying about LFM? Please help me understand.

 

1 minute ago, raydee8_love said:

 

 

 

[raydee8_love]

1 hour ago, Magnanimity said:

He doesn't want to give exact reason , but he wants to excuse himself.

 

i thought this meant apologize - does it mean break it off??

 

i think the up/down, in/out, hot/cold is just a operating mode  it usually works

 

Lfm helps people like you but remain respectful

[Magnanimity]

22 minutes ago, raydee8_love said:

 

i thought this meant apologize - does it mean break it off??

Yes , he meant call it off now rather. Wont be good invest more time and effort when its not going anywhere.

22 minutes ago, raydee8_love said:

 

i think the up/down, in/out, hot/cold is just a operating mode  it 

Mind game?? 

22 minutes ago, raydee8_love said:

 

Lfm helps people like you but remain respectful

 How is my question? I need to know , what i did wrong? So either i correct with him or correct in future , with any other man. If its my pattern  and it goes wrong with a man? 

[raydee8_love]

15 hours ago, Magnanimity said:

what i did wrong?

   NOTHING !!!! - You have done nothing wrong.  Do you understand how you now believe that, you committed some offense for which you need to be punished/banished ? He has placed this idea in your mind. He criticizes you without really knowing you. He finds objections before there is any  evidence. 

He admires you then pushes you aside. He speaks sweetly then explodes.

He acts like a gentleman then he assumes the role of a cad.

 

Do you pick men or attract men who all follow these actions?  If so, then I would say maybe you need to find a different path.

 

But in this case this man - this is all on him.   Yes, this is mind games.  He wants a certain response and so he tries method A, then Method B - no result = explosion. He goes back to Method A and still no result = he disappears. He tries method C = cut you off. Where are his divorce papers????? 

Why can't you meet his family??? Why can't he meet your friends and family? 

Can't Even  Text??   No 10 minute call ????

 

It's really hard  on our psyches when we  like someone like this kind of man.

 

What about your investment?? So far I don't see any investment or true concernment on his part

 

my best friend is dealing with something very similar  - they did have a relationship  but is was the same thing, finding fault, criticizing, exploding temper - she was often wonders what she did wrong too- but it's the same answer NOTHING - you didn't do anything wrong!!

[Kayla]

^^^ I totally agree! He is a narcissist and you need to save yourself before you get any more caught up in his bs than you already  have. 

[oceanjewel]

^^^^ Also totally agree! Will also add that this type of behavior often escalates to domestic violence. Better to let him go

[tyvey]

He’s already repeatedly demonstrated violence. This doesn’t appear to alarm you so I’m kind of at a loss honestly. 

[hedgehog]

Agreed with everyone above!  Do you really want to be with someone who is this inconsistent, leaves you on the road, and makes you feel like you did something wrong?  You sound like a kind, wonderful person and I'm sure you'll find someone amazing. This guy isn't it! 

[Magnanimity]

Thanks all of you my friends. I did post all the details in detail so i get a completely rational insights on the situation. 

 

You all seems on be on same page and so am i, that this guy is so inconsistent. Plus i am happy that road situation did happen. I got to know what kind of man he is. that was very surprising, despite all his sweetness he left me on road all alone. I kept on thinking about that behavior while i waited on road for the crane and help. If i happened to be with a man and his car breaks, i wont leave and stay till all is sorted, no matter whatever next urgency is. So that speaks volumes about him. 

As per him his papers are with lawyer who is busy till next 3 weeks for personal work and will send papers only after he resumes work. 

 

Either this man is confused or he is big time player. In both the cases not a man for me. So i have suggested away till he finishes his trip and reaches back home and then only talk. He is abiding. In the meantime i will sort my head and will refuse any contact or taking it any further. I foresee him not contacting me after the decided timeline, he would want me to call or talk. I wont do , just in case he does, he will know i wont go any further. 

 

Thanks for all the support guys, its beautiful to have people who care , even when they don't know you. Humanity and kindness does exist on this planet. I will go back to dating and look further

 

 

[Magnanimity]

 

1 hour ago, hedgehog said:

You sound like a kind, wonderful person and I'm sure you'll find someone amazing. This guy isn't it! 

 

Thanks @hedgehog  for you kind words. I am so determined to find myself a valuable man and  healthy relationship. It wont matter how long it takes, or how many guys i have to meet in the process. I am officially single for more then 7 years. i dont always pick such men , so that's not my pattern for sure. I am at an age where its not easy to find eligible bachelors, specially in my country, still i will wait for the right one to arrive. Else i am fine single then in an abusive relationship. 

[oceanjewel]

6 minutes ago, Magnanimity said:

i will wait for the right one to arrive. Else i am fine single then in an abusive relationship. 

Good Not only for you, but as an example for your daughter

It took me 8 years to find a good one after my previous relationship ended. Don't give up

Edited October 17, 2019 by oceanjewel