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Alright my friends, I need advice. My ex husband's father died a few minutes ago. My mother and I are going to the funeral to be there for my children. He has been at the verge of death for six months and the children have had to go to another state every few weeks because every time they thought it was the end.

My quandry is, most of you know I had a really bitter divorce, and haven't seen any of these people for a year before the divorce. It is going to be excruciating facing their disapproval and dislike. I asked permission from my ex to come, but it is going to be really difficult to stand before them. Should I go with Alpha pheros to protect myself (people tend to think they can say whatever they want to me for some reason) or should I go for something like Est or Treasured Hearts? Any ideas? I am nervous as hell.

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Ugh, I'm really sorry to hear that TG. Are you thinking in the Est direction because you are hoping it will mellow out your ex, make him more kind/protective and defend you against the hostile friends/family? Or because you're hoping for that effect with the hostile people themselves? If the latter, if it were me, I don't think I would go that route, because I don't know that pheros would make a difference against that kind of entrenched hostility. Not because pheros don't work, but because (I've read & personally experienced, as you probably have too) they don't CHANGE people's minds, they just kind of push people more in the direction they might naturally have been inclined to go. And it doesn't sound to me like these people have any inclination toward gentleness/kindness toward you or even civility.

 

Again if it were me, I would want something really self-empowering to help me be brave and self-protective against the hostility, something that makes both me & other people feel "Kindly Do Not F* with Me", whatever does that for you, maybe like Dominance or Leather (I haven't tried those, but I'm thinking of them based on others' descriptions). But that's just me.

 

IMHO you are going to pay respects to your ex-FIL, and for your children's sake and they deserve your focus. Frankly, everyone else can jump off a bridge and does not merit your brainspace. Easy for me to say, I know, but doing it anyway just as an encouragement.

Edited by tyvey

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EEsh... my sympathies, in many ways, TG...

 

I have no phero advice...do you have the Spell Kit? Maybe Wall of Protection? Makes me feel very safe.

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Tyvey, I was kind of leaning the alpha way too. I think your reasoning is spot on. Katz thank you for reminding me of Wall of Protection. It will be a definite must! It is going to be very painful, because when I divorced the son I lost the right to mourn for the man that was like a father to me for years, and the rest of the family is like a hornets nest about me. UGH!

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I am imagining for you, yourself and your kids going through the entire time surrounded by a regal dignity that neutralizes their hostility into nothingness that falls away from you and frees you and your children to honor your ex-FIL. In fact may the hostiles divert their attention and energy away from you entirely.

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IMHO you are going to pay respects to your ex-FIL, and for your children's sake and they deserve your focus. Frankly, everyone else can jump off a bridge and does not merit your brainspace.

 

Yeah I was gonna say...you don't have to talk to anyone else, just stick with your mom and focus on the event itself. Don't grant them the power to affect you at all.

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It is going to be very painful, because when I divorced the son I lost the right to mourn for the man that was like a father to me for years

 

One never loses that right...never.

 

Go,mourn,hold your head high.As Luna said,grant no one the power to affect you.My sincere condolences on your loss.

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TG, I'm so sorry for your loss! Everyone here has already given you excellent advice, I have nothing to add, except to look through your collection and find any scents that make you feel secure and powerful, to go with the pheros. Maybe a drop of Goddess oil to make sure they treat you with the respect you deserve as the mother of their grandchildren/nieces/nephews.

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Given that everyone will be very distraught and even more prone to irrational behavior than normal, I would say no to the alpha chemistry and yes to anything likely to invoke calmer emotions.

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Sorry for what you and your kids are going thru,wish the best of luck under the circumstances

My prayers will be with you

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Very sorry for your loss Therapygirl. I would be polite to the others there but would focus on my children. Calii is absolutely correct. You have as much of a right to mourn him as anyone else there. Head held high.

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When is the funeral and when are you leaving if you decided definitely you are going?

 

Diane

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Hello dear,

 

The funeral is Monday, I am leaving Monday morning. Diane you know I have many individual pheros I got from you. Any ideas on a combo I can make myself? Thanks all for all the well wishes and advice. Much Love!!

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TG - just saw this thread - my deepest sympathies dear one. I have nothing to add other than love and good vibes are are being sent your way.

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I'm so sorry sweetie! HUGS to you!

 

I would go with Dominance on my chest and maybe some Treasured Hearts for the ugly masses......but Wall of Protection also wouldn't hurt.

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My sympathy and thoughts are with you and your family

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