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LadyRose

PLEASE help me bring out the big guns!

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IRONIC MUCH?! Hello Pot, meet kettle but at least in my case, all parties involved have agreed my marriage is OVER and has been for years.

OK, I'm a tiny, OK a lot bit unhappy with my situation. TG and I have been vey happy meeting once a week and having a great time. I noticed a little bit ago after he turned into the most loving person on our last "visit" with EST added to BAM he kinda backed off and broke a date with me etc. He had never done this before. I suddenly got a weird feeling and was starting to have some hurt feelings. Two days ago I saw a psychic and saw other people in our relationship. I couldn't believe it but...

FINALLY yesterday I find out that Ex from SIX years ago, has been "kinda seeing" him again. :666: He just told me this like it was really nothing and it was in passing. She heard that he wa seeing someone, dumped her current one and she"s baaack! Thank goodness he couldn't see my face! She's the main reason he's been so hard to rope in. Drama, baby that isn't his, while they were together. We have a "date" coming up and I want to have the advantage at this point. His family and friends all know her and I get the feeling history, good or bad might trump the 8 month relationship with LadyRose and that sucks!

 

I've got a couple of days to figure out a kickass mix to win :666: and/or a way of quietly calmly suggesting that he see her and finish that relationship and when he is done there, if I'm around, we can try again. I still get the daily you mean so much to me and our time together is so spectacular etc.He's a soft/ Metro guy who doesn't want to hurt anyone so I could easily picture him staying confused and just seeing us both indefinitely. AAARRRGGGG!!!! :angry3: Any ideas?

Edited by LadyRose

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I don't know, Ladyrose. If it were me I would probably keep the next date, give him the best night of his life, then at the end of the date tell him that I am not going to see him anymore. Tell him it's because his ex is in the picture now. Take the decision away from him. Tell him that you wish things were different because you really like him ....(or something to that effect...) and maybe if he is truly single in the future he should contact you again and see if you're available. But not until then.

 

That's just my humble advice. I know it's a tough thing to do, but it sounds like (if you leave it up to him) he will see both of you as long as he can get away with it. It's not like you're giving him an ultimatum, you're just becoming unavailable as a result of his recent choices. If he truly likes you he will pursue you again.

 

Again, just one girl's opinion. Good luck with everything.

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I don't know, Ladyrose. If it were me I would probably keep the next date, give him the best night of his life, then at the end of the date tell him that I am not going to see him anymore. Tell him it's because his ex is in the picture now. Take the decision away from him. Tell him that you wish things were different because you really like him ....(or something to that effect...) and maybe if he is truly single in the future he should contact you again and see if you're available. But not until then.

 

Thanks Rosegirl

That's my general plan. I'm looking for something that will assist this spectacular night as well as keep me from bringing out my inner shrew when I tell him we can't have her in the middle. He's 55, been divorced 10 years and I guess six years ago they broke up when she did the immaculate conception. I'm thinking BAM and...?

Edited by LadyRose

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I don't know, Ladyrose. If it were me I would probably keep the next date, give him the best night of his life, then at the end of the date tell him that I am not going to see him anymore. Tell him it's because his ex is in the picture now. Take the decision away from him. Tell him that you wish things were different because you really like him ....(or something to that effect...) and maybe if he is truly single in the future he should contact you again and see if you're available. But not until then.

 

That's just my humble advice. I know it's a tough thing to do, but it sounds like (if you leave it up to him) he will see both of you as long as he can get away with it. It's not like you're giving him an ultimatum, you're just becoming unavailable as a result of his recent choices. If he truly likes you he will pursue you again.

 

Again, just one girl's opinion. Good luck with everything.

 

I really have to agree so sorry,but my thoughts on this has mostly to do with my own problems,but I always have always respected her opinion,But its something you have to deside whats gonna make you happy in the end thats what we got.

Good luck in my prayers

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If it were me I would not feel any obligation to keep the next date. He's forfeited his right to it. I do totally agree with Rosegirl that YOU have an equal right to act & decide that he does -- and again if it were me, his ass would already be out on the curb. JMO.

Edited by tyvey

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If it were me I would not feel any obligation to keep the next date. He's forfeited his right to it. I do totally agree with Rosegirl that YOU have an equal right to act & decide that he does -- and again if it were me, his ass would already be out on the curb. JMO.

 

Under normal circumstances, I would be gone but... we started our relationship with a strictly FWB package and that ended up with it being more than we originally planned. Clearly he has no idea that I am livid or that anything is wrong since he just popped off with, "the person I'm kinda seeing, used to work for this company and it's a really good company, I would go with them"

 

Then I did the person you are kinda seeing?!! Wait... What? He didn't miss a beat and said, "yeah, old GF from 6 years ago kinda seeing". I'm thinking no one is that dumb so he really has no clue there's a problem. :666: I believe a face to face discussion is in order and that will be tomorrow. This guy likes to be Mr. Compassion and hero and he always tells me how I am able to handle everyone's problems blah, blah, blah.

Edited by LadyRose

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I don't know, Ladyrose. If it were me I would probably keep the next date, give him the best night of his life, then at the end of the date tell him that I am not going to see him anymore. Tell him it's because his ex is in the picture now. Take the decision away from him. Tell him that you wish things were different because you really like him ....(or something to that effect...) and maybe if he is truly single in the future he should contact you again and see if you're available. But not until then.

 

 

And wear some Leather with a ton of cops for when you are walking out the door, leaving him sitting there with a dumb look on his face.....maybe the soft/metro guy needs an alpha woman to "take charge" of the situation.....just sayin' (to quote my twin).....

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OMG, Dolly, as I read the OP the word LEATHER was in about 48-point font in my head! but I didn't want to assume LadyRose was a Leather kinda gal :( Great minds :clapW2:

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And wear some Leather with a ton of cops for when you are walking out the door, leaving him sitting there with a dumb look on his face.....maybe the soft/metro guy needs an alpha woman to "take charge" of the situation.....just sayin' (to quote my twin).....
Wouldn't you know it? With all of the LP pheromones I've ordered, I haven't even gotten a sample of Leather. FML!!! Any Ideas on what I could do to come up with a mix close to that? I have most AD products too.

 

OMG, Dolly, as I read the OP the word LEATHER was in about 48-point font in my head! but I didn't want to assume LadyRose was a Leather kinda gal :( Great minds :clapW2:

I think that I'm a horrible contradiction. I've run my house like hardcore mom and wife for years and he knows this but I've been all Lace and kittenish in this relationship which in all honesty is the real me. The bold, must handle everything is a big front so I can get through everyday life. Wonder if I can get some Leather overnight?

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Wouldn't you know it? With all of the LP pheromones I've ordered, I haven't even gotten a sample of Leather. FML!!! Any Ideas on what I could do to come up with a mix close to that? I have most AD products too.

 

I think that I'm a horrible contradiction. I've run my house like hardcore mom and wife for years and he knows this but I've been all Lace and kittenish in this relationship which in all honesty is the real me. The bold, must handle everything is a big front so I can get through everyday life. Wonder if I can get some Leather overnight?

 

 

 

You NEEEEEEEEED Leather....seriously. Trust me on this. It is not as "in your face" as full on Dominance.....it has just enough Est to soften it and make it feminine.....

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Leather is what popped into my head as I was reading this

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I know you've received a lot of advice you didn't ask for and I would say that if you feel in this situation you absolutely need to win then yes, you've got to flip the script and so Dolly's suggestion is best. If you attempt to appeal to his empathy in terms of how the situation is affecting you it's not going to be enough to convince him he's truly doing wrong by you. You have to emphatically state that his behavior is unacceptable.

 

But let me tell you my story, because it so closely resembles this one...

 

I was in a situation almost exactly like this before I met Quince. The guy and I were FWB, really close even though it was a long-distance relationship, talked every day and so on. Then after about six months and multiple visits, someone else decided – seeing evidence of how close we were – to make the play for him she had been too shy to go for prior to learning about us. And because we shared everything, he told me as soon as she began to pursue him. She was aggressive and he was flattered (as anyone would have been) and he liked her and counted her as a friend for many years and…since we were only friends, after all…it was my mistake from the outset not to set boundaries. No matter what may be evident and unspoken, a man will do whatever he wants to if it's what he wants. Women are equally guilty of this but I think most of us know how men are when there is pursuit involved.

 

And I thought much the same…he's a nice guy, too nice sometimes, and since we've always said we're only friends and consenting adults there's no harm, no foul. I didn't express myself as I should have to let him know my feelings had moved beyond only friends and such an action would be perceived as hurtful on my part. He didn't believe he was hurting me because I never told him he was. But the fact that he didn't even wonder if we could move beyond the type of existing intimacy we shared into something deeper in all that time…I know now that I was only a placeholder until his "true love" came along.

 

I let him go because it was obvious he believed we were only friends and she was in it for a committed relationship. Granted, this is my opinion, but competing for a potential connection and competing for one which is already established are two different things and the latter is wholly degrading. Winning a man who possesses a divided heart is no victory.

Now I was heartbroken, I really cared for the guy and it took me a long time to get over. When Quince and I met we were both equally cynical and cautious and so laid it all on the line from the outset, tired of making the same mistakes over and over.

The kicker is, about a month back they split up and he called me, acting pitiful. Now mind you, in all the time they were involved not once did he contact me – even though we were only friends – because he knew she would not stand for it and she was the one he chose. And so I listened to the tale of woe and the apologies for not keeping in touch, etc. and I said, "I'm sorry that happened to you, I know you loved her because, after all, you chose her and not me, and so I got on with my life. And although my man does not object to my having male friends – even ones I might have slept with previously – we are no longer only friends. When you chose her over me and severed our friendship we became nothing at all."

Edited by luna65

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competing for a potential connection and competing for one which is already established are two different things and the latter is wholly degrading. Winning a man who possesses a divided heart is no victory.

 

..."we are no longer only friends. When you chose her over me and severed our friendship we became nothing at all."

 

So true and so well put.

Edited by tyvey

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I know you've received a lot of advice you didn't ask for and I would say that if you feel in this situation you absolutely need to win then yes, you've got to flip the script and so Dolly's suggestion is best. If you attempt to appeal to his empathy in terms of how the situation is affecting you it's not going to be enough to convince him he's truly doing wrong by you. You have to emphatically state that his behavior is unacceptable.

 

But let me tell you my story, because it so closely resembles this one...

 

I was in a situation almost exactly like this before I met Quince. The guy and I were FWB, really close even though it was a long-distance relationship, talked every day and so on. Then after about six months and multiple visits, someone else decided – seeing evidence of how close we were – to make the play for him she had been too shy to go for prior to learning about us. And because we shared everything, he told me as soon as she began to pursue him. She was aggressive and he was flattered (as anyone would have been) and he liked her and counted her as a friend for many years and…since we were only friends, after all…and it was my mistake from the outset not to set boundaries. No matter what may be evident and unspoken, a man will do whatever he wants to if it's what he wants. Women are equally guilty of this but I think most of us know how men are when there is pursuit involved.

 

And I thought much the same…he's a nice guy, too nice sometimes, and since we've always said we're only friends and consenting adults there's no harm, no foul. I didn't express myself as I should have to let him know my feelings had moved beyond only friends and such an action would be perceived as hurtful on my part. He didn't believe he was hurting me because I never told him he was. But the fact that he didn't even wonder if we could move beyond the type of existing intimacy we shared into something deeper in all that time…I know now that I was only a placeholder until his "true love" came along.

 

I let him go because it was obvious he believed we were only friends and she was in it for a committed relationship. Granted, this is my opinion, but competing for a potential connection and competing for one which is already established are two different things and the latter is wholly degrading. Winning a man who possesses a divided heart is no victory.

Now I was heartbroken, I really cared for the guy and it took me a long time to get over. When Quince and I met we were both equally cynical and cautious and so laid it all on the line from the outset, tired of making the same mistakes over and over.

The kicker is, about a month back they split up and he called me, acting pitiful. Now mind you, in all the time they were involved not once did he contact me – even though we were only friends – because he knew she would not stand for it and she was the one he chose. And so I listed to the tale of woe and the apologies for not keeping in touch, etc. and I said, "I'm sorry that happened to you, I know you loved her because, after all, you chose her and not me, and so I got on with my life. And although my man does not object to my having male friends – even ones I might have slept with previously – we are no longer only friends. When you chose her over me and severed our friendship we became nothing at all."

 

WOW Luna!

That sounds exactly like this situation and it scares me. I've got to do some thinking. But meanwhile, the lovely Mara just sent me a spray bottle of Leather and it will be here tomorrow by noon! Come what may, I will have it on hand. Thank you so much for sharing your painful experience.

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Ladyrose, make sure to wear ALOT of cops under your pheros... You'll SEAR yourself into his subconscious and it will take a VERY long time to get the memory of you out (LOL).. Good Luck!

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Ladyrose, make sure to wear ALOT of cops under your pheros... You'll SEAR yourself into his subconscious and it will take a VERY long time to get the memory of you out (LOL).. Good Luck!

 

Thanks KrazyKat. A lot of cops you say? ABSOLUTELY! It is my goal to make sure he never forgets me. Tomorrow night should be interesting if nothing else.

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I can't add to the excellent advice - so let me just suggest wearing Leather to a maximum advantage:

 

1) OCCO in the Mara lollipop from between cleavage around bellybutton. I add a drop to inside of each elbow and the backside of each knee. That way short sleeves or skirted - you have more diffusion from warm and exposed spots.

2). LP fragrance of choice - allow OCCO and LP to fully dry.

3). Then spray or apply the Leather.

 

Voilà - you are now sex on a stick.

 

And you might find that he is seeing her again because you haven't left your marriage formally. I know all about leaving one emotionally long before you are really ready to leave. But the support and friendship I received here while I took my journey made all the difference in the world to me.

 

Much love and luck to you tonight.

Edited by Shelly B

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I can't add to the excellent advice - so let me just suggest wearing Leather to a maximum advantage:

 

1) OCCO in the Mara lollipop from between cleavage around bellybutton. I add a drop to inside of each elbow and the backside of each knee. That way short sleeves or skirted - you have more diffusion from warm and exposed spots.

2). LP fragrance of choice - allow OCCO and LP to fully dry.

3). Then spray or apply the Leather.

 

Voilà - you are now sex on a stick.

 

And you might find that he is seeing her again because you haven't left your marriage formally. I know all about leaving one emotionally long before you are really ready to leave. But the support and friendship I received here while I took my journey made all the difference in the world to me.

 

Much love and luck to you tonight.

 

Thank you so much for the great advice and good wishes. I am back from our outing! First let me say he tried to move it up so he could go out after our time and I freaked out :angry3: on him early this morning and he spent the rest of the morning telling me how sorry he was and all he wanted to do was make me happy. Good start...

 

I used what I had which was the UN Leather x2, and OCCO Red. I couldn't help myself so I threw in a couple of sprays of UN TH x2. He listened, and we have moved our relationship to a different level. He agreed with everything I said and it looks like a choice was made. Time will tell. And Shelly, the husband did come up. Tricky situation there, he is ill, refusing treatment in another country and I am beneficiary on the multi-mil policy. We all agree that if we divorce his mother will fight her grandkids and me. Yes, ugly, but that is my life right now.

 

Now, about Leather.....

I have used TH and OCCO Red with him before so Leather was the only difference. I didn't get the usual glazed looks of adoration that I normally get from him when I use Lace. Do you think Mr. Metro might actually lean alpha? I know he likes to run things as a rule although he's soft. He was very attentive but uncomfortable or maybe not so uncomfortable but more like off step and not nearly as touchy as is his norm. Maybe a little intimidated? As for me, Leather seemed to allow me to say what needed to be said without it being bitchy or whiney. Does that make sense? I'm going to have to check this out some more.

Edited by LadyRose

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Now, about Leather.....

I have used TH and OCCO Red with him before so Leather was the only difference. I didn't get the usual glazed looks of adoration that I normally get from him when I use Lace. Do you think Mr. Metro might actually lean alpha? I know he likes to run things as a rule although he's soft. He was very attentive but uncomfortable or maybe not so uncomfortable but more like off step and not nearly as touchy as is his norm. Maybe a little intimidated? As for me, Leather seemed to allow me to say what needed to be said without it being bitchy or whiney. Does that make sense? I'm going to have to check this out some more. [/font]

 

 

Since his reaction was not BAD, I would suspect that the change in signature probably just threw him. He was used to you being all soft and mushy, and he knew he could walk all over you. When you have a dramatic change in signature with someone who is very familiar with you, it can throw them off.....over time, if you keep wearing Leather around him, he should become accustomed to it.....

 

 

Keep working the Leather, if not for him, for you.....sounds like it does for you what it does for a lot of alpha women (me included).....puts you "in your element".....

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Since his reaction was not BAD, I would suspect that the change in signature probably just threw him. He was used to you being all soft and mushy, and he knew he could walk all over you. When you have a dramatic change in signature with someone who is very familiar with you, it can throw them off.....over time, if you keep wearing Leather around him, he should become accustomed to it.....

 

 

Keep working the Leather, if not for him, for you.....sounds like it does for you what it does for a lot of alpha women (me included).....puts you "in your element".....

 

I plan on continuing with the Leather. However.... I do like the glazed over DIH want to jump my bones immediately look on him. Can you suggest anything to bring that back?

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Thank you so much for the great advice and good wishes. I am back from our outing! First let me say he tried to move it up so he could go out after our time and I freaked out :angry3: on him early this morning and he spent the rest of the morning telling me how sorry he was and all he wanted to do was make me happy. Good start...

 

I used what I had which was the UN Leather x2, and OCCO Red. I couldn't help myself so I threw in a couple of sprays of UN TH x2. He listened, and we have moved our relationship to a different level. He agreed with everything I said and it looks like a choice was made. Time will tell. And Shelly, the husband did come up. Tricky situation there, he is ill, refusing treatment in another country and I am beneficiary on the multi-mil policy. We all agree that if we divorce his mother will fight her grandkids and me. Yes, ugly, but that is my life right now.

 

Now, about Leather.....

I have used TH and OCCO Red with him before so Leather was the only difference. I didn't get the usual glazed looks of adoration that I normally get from him when I use Lace. Do you think Mr. Metro might actually lean alpha? I know he likes to run things as a rule although he's soft. He was very attentive but uncomfortable or maybe not so uncomfortable but more like off step and not nearly as touchy as is his norm. Maybe a little intimidated? As for me, Leather seemed to allow me to say what needed to be said without it being bitchy or whiney. Does that make sense? I'm going to have to check this out some more.

 

Yay Ladyrose! While Im really not nuts about the sound of the FWB, the other woman and the whole situation, it must have been a HUGE relief to express yourself outright and open, I hope your courage to go against the grain (his grain) and willingness to put everything on the table according to what you want gives you the strength you need to make the wisest and best decisions for yourself.

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I plan on continuing with the Leather. However.... I do like the glazed over DIH want to jump my bones immediately look on him. Can you suggest anything to bring that back?

 

LOL - MORE COPS!

 

OK fine - there can be too much cops.

 

Seriously though - you just need to experiment with different blends until you have a full catalog of what they do for him. For instance - TH could have canceled out some of the Leather.

 

The OCCO's are always ok because you can always boost the cops with any blend. The only other universal boost I can think of is A'nol - seems safe to bump that one with most everything...

 

Look - if Lace is getting a good response by all means keep going. But if it makes you so mushy he walks over you - I'd skip it.

 

You are in a tough situation - so you have to decide - who does LadyRose want to be? Cinderella looking for a Prince? (Which is ok - most women were raised on that...on the other hand - my mother gave me "The Practical Princess and other liberating fairy tales" so I pretty much thought Princesses had an obligation to save themselves. And sometimes a hapless prince. Edited to add: this makes me pretty weird to the bulk of women I know. Oh well - different strokes for different folks.)

 

Once you know who you are wanting to *be*... - you just have to develop a phero signature that is congruent to your desired outcome. And keep the others for when you need something different.

 

It may well be that Leather works for you on a daily basis but Lace works for him so you do Lace around him... Edited to add - Because you seem like such a strong person - I'm guessing that Leather for daily use and Lace for getting him worked up use - may well be you favorite phero pattern. I like Cougar (the Stone version - not the old P-Com version), Open Windows or Leather without cops for daily use - depends on what's on tap for the day.

 

And when I get home from work, get ready for an evening of going out, or going to see the HSF - Leather, Leather and MORE Leather - PLUS plenty of Cops.

Edited by Shelly B

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LadyRose I am glad it turned out the way you wanted, that must be a relief.

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:020105~21: THANKS soooo much everyone for all of your wonderful advice.

 

Since his reaction was not BAD, I would suspect that the change in signature probably just threw him. He was used to you being all soft and mushy, and he knew he could walk all over you. When you have a dramatic change in signature with someone who is very familiar with you, it can throw them off.....over time, if you keep wearing Leather around him, he should become accustomed to it.....

 

 

Keep working the Leather, if not for him, for you.....sounds like it does for you what it does for a lot of alpha women (me included).....puts you "in your element".....

I do believe you are right! I was rethinking my use of Leather with him until he contacted me 4 times already today. He never contacts me first. :winktongue: I think it's a keeper.

 

 

Yay Ladyrose! While Im really not nuts about the sound of the FWB, the other woman and the whole situation, it must have been a HUGE relief to express yourself outright and open, I hope your courage to go against the grain (his grain) and willingness to put everything on the table according to what you want gives you the strength you need to make the wisest and best decisions for yourself.
Yeah, I'm reevaluating the whole situation. When I think back, I've always been super sweet with him and had never gotten or rather SHOWN my anger with him. I really think the thought of me leaving woke him up a bit. If not, I will handle that too. I didn't survive 21 years of marriage to a total ass (although in that relationship I rule with an iron fist) without learning a thing or 10.

 

LOL - MORE COPS!

 

OK fine - there can be too much cops.

 

Seriously though - you just need to experiment with different blends until you have a full catalog of what they do for him. For instance - TH could have canceled out some of the Leather.

 

The OCCO's are always ok because you can always boost the cops with any blend. The only other universal boost I can think of is A'nol - seems safe to bump that one with most everything...

 

Look - if Lace is getting a good response by all means keep going. But if it makes you so mushy he walks over you - I'd skip it.

 

You are in a tough situation - so you have to decide - who does LadyRose want to be? Cinderella looking for a Prince? (Which is ok - most women were raised on that...on the other hand - my mother gave me "The Practical Princess and other liberating fairy tales" so I pretty much thought Princesses had an obligation to save themselves. And sometimes a hapless prince.) Once you know who you are wanting to *be*... - you just have to develop a phero signature that is congruent to your desired outcome. And keep the others for when you need something different.

 

It may well be that Leather works for you on a daily basis but Lace works for him so you do Lace around him...

I'm trying to decide but a little confused now. I have spent most of my life running everything and that's really my public side. I'm a closet girly girl and figured that since this guy likes to play hero, I could really let that side of my personality show. I did so enjoy how he doted on me IN PERSON and seemed so infatuated with Lace but he seemed to forget me once I was gone. With Lace, it was all about making me happy. In our entire relationship I've never been angry or correction, never SHOWN him that I was angry before. So freaking out on him when he tried to move our date had him back peddling before we ever met.

 

With Leather, it seemed like he let me be in control and once our talking was done, :nono: (well me laying down the law and him agreeing) it was more me in control of the sex side too. More of a his being taken care of evening. I like "ME" evenings but maybe stronger me makes him confused. :10_small16: He always said in the beginning that he admired how strong I was because he knew what my home life was like. I'm confused! Leather and/or me sticking up for myself made some kind of impression on him because he has contacted me 4 times and it isn't even noon yet to tell me what a good time he had and how we need to go out again ASAP! He actually had days picked out. UNHEARD of, I always have to ask or make contact first. Me thinks Leather shows promise. Maybe go easier on TH? But I was hoping for the whole permanence vibe. Any ideas? :huh:

 

 

LadyRose I am glad it turned out the way you wanted, that must be a relief.
Thank you so much. Time will tell I guess. ^_^

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With Leather, it seemed like he let me be in control and once our talking was done, :nono: (well me laying down the law and him agreeing) it was more me in control of the sex side too. More of a his being taken care of evening. I like "ME" evenings but maybe stronger me makes him confused. :D He always said in the beginning that he admired how strong I was because he knew what my home life was like. I'm confused! Leather and/or me sticking up for myself made some kind of impression on him because he has contacted me 4 times and it isn't even noon yet to tell me what a good time he had and how we need to go out again ASAP! He actually had days picked out. UNHEARD of, I always have to ask or make contact first. Me thinks Leather shows promise. Maybe go easier on TH? But I was hoping for the whole permanence vibe. Any ideas? :wink2:

 

 

Thank you so much. Time will tell I guess. ^_^

 

 

It seems to me that your strength was one of the things that attracted him to you in the first place....I think sticking up for yourself was the right thing to do.....100%......it showed him that you won't take that crap, and that you are more valuable than that.....

 

 

I would try leaving out the TH next time.....I love TH, but there is a time and place.....personally, I would go with Leather and more cops.....

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It seems to me that your strength was one of the things that attracted him to you in the first place....I think sticking up for yourself was the right thing to do.....100%......it showed him that you won't take that crap, and that you are more valuable than that.....

 

 

I would try leaving out the TH next time.....I love TH, but there is a time and place.....personally, I would go with Leather and more cops.....

 

 

Thanks Dolly, (BTW, LOVE your new avatar)

 

I guess I was too busy thinking that I didn't want to appear stronger than him since he isn't the most alpha person in the world. But as I've gotten to know him, I do see that he likes to run things, just quietly so we don't notice but then again since he ends up taking care of everyone and everything in his life, maybe he does like me because I'm strong. Not like everyone else constantly asking him for help for every little thing.

 

I'm pretty sure if not for the advice you ladies gave me here, I would've done Lace with a shot of Est and taken the "you are hurting my feelings and making me sad" path. I'm thinking it would have been a huge mistake! As it stands now we have a date tomorrow night and it will be LEATHER and Cops all the way. :) I liked the DIH looks from him and they were missing last time. Do you think a shot of straight Alpha Androstenol might help with that? Momentarily, I figure if I can't have "bonding", I want him lusting after me.

Edited by LadyRose

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Thanks Dolly,

 

I guess I was too busy thinking that I didn't want to appear stronger than him since he isn't the most alpha person in the world. But as I've gotten to know him, I do see that he likes to run things, just quietly so we don't notice but then again since he ends up taking care of everyone and everything in his life, maybe he does like me because I'm strong. Not like everyone else constantly asking him for help for every little thing.

 

I'm pretty sure if not for the advice you ladies gave me here, I would've done Lace with a shot of Est and taken the "you are hurting my feelings and making me sad" path. I'm thinking it would have been a huge mistake! As it stands now we have a date tomorrow night and it will be LEATHER and Cops all the way. :) I liked the DIH looks from him and they were missing last time. Do you think a shot of straight Alpha Androstenol might help with that? Momentarily, I figure if I can't have "bonding", I want him lusting after me.

 

 

I think the TH took the edge off the leather, personally.....try just the leather with cops....I get DIHL situations with it ALWAYS.....

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This is JMO and may sound kind of harsh since I am obviously biased in your favor, not his :) but reading between the lines, I have a feeling what you really need and want is to HAVE A VOICE in this situation, and to have AGENCY, the right and courage to

(1) want what YOU want out of the relationship

(2) EXPRESS that

(3) and if he won't or can't give that to you, you are able & willing to move on.

 

I sound like 1990s Madonna I know. But she knew what she was talking about :) ) and it sounds like you need & want that, more than you specifically need to have or ramp-up the DIHL / urgent sexual response. You'll get enough of that from the cops, and your whole POINT is that you already have plenty of attraction from him, now you want to be HEARD about what you want, which is taking the relationship to the next level. If you felt you weren't getting that much DIHL last time, it might not have been because some phero(s) were "missing". It might have been purely that he was processing the new (really, the REAL) you and he was too busy doing THAT to address or express the DIHL stuff.

 

As for more a-nol ... I know I'm speaking as a person who still hasn't even tried it, lol, but from what I've read about it, I'm guessing there is plenty of a-nol in Leather and you probably don't need more. It doesn't sound like you're wanting or needing more bubbliness out of either of you.

Edited by tyvey

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Thanks Dolly, (BTW, LOVE your new avatar)

 

I guess I was too busy thinking that I didn't want to appear stronger than him since he isn't the most alpha person in the world. But as I've gotten to know him, I do see that he likes to run things, just quietly so we don't notice but then again since he ends up taking care of everyone and everything in his life, maybe he does like me because I'm strong. Not like everyone else constantly asking him for help for every little thing.

 

I'm pretty sure if not for the advice you ladies gave me here, I would've done Lace with a shot of Est and taken the "you are hurting my feelings and making me sad" path. I'm thinking it would have been a huge mistake! As it stands now we have a date tomorrow night and it will be LEATHER and Cops all the way. :) I liked the DIH looks from him and they were missing last time. Do you think a shot of straight Alpha Androstenol might help with that? Momentarily, I figure if I can't have "bonding", I want him lusting after me.

 

How about Leather, cops, and a little bit of BAM?

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I think the TH took the edge off the leather, personally.....try just the leather with cops....I get DIHL situations with it ALWAYS.....

Thanks Dolly,

That's my plan for tomorrow night. I usually follow the rules and try new mixes alone but I was too nervous and worried to do that and I only had Leather for a few hours before my date.

 

This is JMO and may sound kind of harsh since I am obviously biased in your favor, not his :) but reading between the lines, I have a feeling what you really need and want is to HAVE A VOICE in this situation, and to have AGENCY, the right and courage to

(1) want what YOU want out of the relationship

(2) EXPRESS that

(3) and if he won't or can't give that to you, you are able & willing to move on.

 

I sound like 1990s Madonna I know. But she knew what she was talking about :) ) and it sounds like you need & want that, more than you specifically need to have or ramp-up the DIHL / urgent sexual response. You'll get enough of that from the cops, and your whole POINT is that you already have plenty of attraction from him, now you want to be HEARD about what you want, which is taking the relationship to the next level. If you felt you weren't getting that much DIHL last time, it might not have been because some phero(s) were "missing". It might have been purely that he was processing the new (really, the REAL) you and he was too busy doing THAT to address or express the DIHL stuff.

 

As for more a-nol ... I know I'm speaking as a person who still hasn't even tried it, lol, but from what I've read about it, I'm guessing there is plenty of a-nol in Leather and you probably don't need more. It doesn't sound like you're wanting or needing more bubbliness out of either of you.

Tyvey, Your support has been great! and there is NOTHING wrong with 1990's Madonna. LOVED her tude.

I'm really not sure exactly where I am with this other than I want to spend more time with him and be the ONLY one he is "dating". I feel like our talk went very well and he heard me. He has always encouraged me to be honest and upfront about what I wanted and needed. Early on in our relationship he had business issues and was gone all the time and back then I lodged a complaint and he did this little well, maybe we should stop seeing each other if I can't find time for you dance. I weighed the options and told him that I would wait a month and then reevaluate. The fact that he is better in bed than anyone I have ever been with, and takes good care of my needs there probably had a lot to do with it. After he got the business back on track we did very well and met regularly until the she devil came back about 6 weeks ago. I only found out about her last week but when I think back I remember when Our times were getting spaced further and further apart.

 

 

We communicate a lot everyday but his other life doesn't include me. He claimed he was being discreet for my benefit but I'm calling BS on that one. I think it's more like he was keeping it to a vague, I'm seeing someone in the town I live in so that the ex wouldn't come interfering. Lord knows as soon as she got wind she started calling, sending cards and dropping in at his work. It just happens to be in the town she lives. If I don't start meeting friends, I'm out.

 

 

I'm a little worried that the two of us were more subdued last date. He was attentive, but not nearly as much as he usually is. I ended up doing a lot of the work. Don't get me wrong, I had a good time but it's the first time With Lace, BI, and the others phero mixes that I have used the sex was hot and off the charts. He's easily a 5-6 hour guy, but not last time. This is the first time that I left thrilled with my relationship victory but not feeling devoured, ravished and thoroughly satiated as is the norm. He had an amazing time and keeps telling me that. I believe him since this is the first time he wanted another date immediately after our last. I hope it was just the TH that left him more subdued.

 

After our date, I want tomorrow night to be all about raw unadulterated hot sex.

 

How about Leather, cops, and a little bit of BAM?

Rosegirl,

If things don't go as well as I want them to tomorrow, I was thinking that would be my next plan of attack.

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Ladyrose, this man sounds like he may have a classic case of madonna-whore syndrome,but in reverse.This may be why he seeks to be with 2 women which is not uncommon for many men. Sounds like he is emotionally connecting to the respectful, challanging, alpha Leather vibe and sexually he connects to the soft spoken Lacey ladyrose. There is a solution. You can wear Leather and Bam for daily use and for sexy time Lace + BI or whatever is working for you. Btw, my personal fave for sexy time is BI w Neanderlicious. If you really wanna screw w him you could Tah and Leather him together, but you need to ask yourself if hes worth it.

Edited by KrazyKat

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Ladyrose, this man sounds like he may have a classic case of madonna-whore syndrome,but in reverse.This may be why he seeks to be with 2 women which is not uncommon for many men.

 

I think that's why people have affairs in general, they seek things they either don't desire from their partner, or their partner cannot provide. But Quince is at least amusing about that sort of thing. We were talking once about an acquaintance who had been caught out by his wife, and he said, "I do badly enough with one woman, why would I want two?"

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"I do badly enough with one woman, why would I want two?"

 

ROFLMAO!!! If only more men were this wise.

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Ladyrose, this man sounds like he may have a classic case of madonna-whore syndrome,but in reverse.This may be why he seeks to be with 2 women which is not uncommon for many men. Sounds like he is emotionally connecting to the respectful, challanging, alpha Leather vibe and sexually he connects to the soft spoken Lacey ladyrose. There is a solution. You can wear Leather and Bam for daily use and for sexy time Lace + BI or whatever is working for you. Btw, my personal fave for sexy time is BI w Neanderlicious. If you really wanna screw w him you could Tah and Leather him together, but you need to ask yourself if hes worth it.

 

 

Krazykat, I am not sure because I do not have any leather yet -- next order. But two questions: Doesn't leather have TAL in it; and if so, wouldn't TAH and TAL sort of cancel each other out?

 

Oh, btw, I never thought of combining BI and Neanderlicious. What a great idea!

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Technically Leather is the Dominance formula with added EST, so no, it's not TAL.

 

If only more men were this wise.

LOL, he is wise but he's also very silly. He does do badly with a certain type of woman, just as I do with a certain type of man, and we both realized we had to stop trying to make it work with those types...and so sanity prevailed.

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I think that's why people have affairs in general, they seek things they either don't desire from their partner, or their partner cannot provide. But Quince is at least amusing about that sort of thing. We were talking once about an acquaintance who had been caught out by his wife, and he said, "I do badly enough with one woman, why would I want two?"

 

 

 

AAaaaghhh, your quince very funny! :lol:

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Krazykat, I am not sure because I do not have any leather yet -- next order. But two questions: Doesn't leather have TAL in it; and if so, wouldn't TAH and TAL sort of cancel each other out?

 

Oh, btw, I never thought of combining BI and Neanderlicious. What a great idea!

[/quote

 

 

 

Yes, but what Luna said. Dom + Est= Leather. Tal has no none, but gives off an alpha signature, similiar to Leather but still different.

 

Tah is the sexpot playboy style signature, the thing is BI is also slightly alpha but less so than leather and (in my experience) the most sexual blend here.

 

Ive never found Tah and Tal to cancel each other out, in fact they can enhance inner balance bet. alpha queen and f%#&able sexpot

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Ladyrose, this man sounds like he may have a classic case of madonna-whore syndrome,but in reverse.This may be why he seeks to be with 2 women which is not uncommon for many men. Sounds like he is emotionally connecting to the respectful, challanging, alpha Leather vibe and sexually he connects to the soft spoken Lacey ladyrose. There is a solution. You can wear Leather and Bam for daily use and for sexy time Lace + BI or whatever is working for you. Btw, my personal fave for sexy time is BI w Neanderlicious. If you really wanna screw w him you could Tah and Leather him together, but you need to ask yourself if hes worth it.

I think that’s a good idea I’m just unsure since the Lacey Ladyrose had him walking all over her and taking her for granted. I will probably give Leather another go with mega cops. He's got me confused but in all honesty, I'm just about convinced that he doesn't know what the hell he wants. The psychic, without me ever mentioning anything laid out the cards and then said, well look at this, you have a Leo. He's got a lot of work, people depend on him and he's an escape artist. She sees him going away for a couple of months and then always being there in my life. UUUGGHHH! Just what I need! I tell you what. If he leaves, I'm taking a page out of Luna's book and calling it a day. I just discovered how much I like Neaderlicious and I do have Tah. Hmmm....

 

 

I think that's why people have affairs in general, they seek things they either don't desire from their partner, or their partner cannot provide. But Quince is at least amusing about that sort of thing. We were talking once about an acquaintance who had been caught out by his wife, and he said, "I do badly enough with one woman, why would I want two?"

I'm loving your guy's sense of humor. I always said, before the 21 year marriage crashed and burned, I've almost got this one housebroken. Why on earth would I want to start training another?! Life changes though doesn't it?

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Ladyrose, Luna does have sage advice if you find yourself emotionally drained or on the low/losing end of any competition BUT mind blowing sex isnt all that easy to come by, so you if your able to detach your emotions, maybe you could keep up the sexy stuff and look elsewhere for YOUR emotional needs.

 

Btw, Leo men are real heartstoppers and would love nothing more than to have women battling over their affections, BUT if they keep you around at some point theyll love you and they fall hard and are very loyal for the most part and they are always true to their word. They are terrible lyers, extremely over-melodramatic so if you have his word he is into only you, then he very well be telling the truth. But just becuase he is loyal does not mean he has fidelity with you, so keep your eyes opened.

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