Help me around an Ex!

[kittenkat]

I tend to remain very close friends to my ex-es, or at least, have a very cordial relationship with them.

 

I have one ex that's very hot and cold- but we have a lot of mutual friends so we end up bumping into each other at parties all the time. I probably run into him few times a month. He was on a very cold streak the last 5 months- avoiding me completely, making sure in an overt way to not to look at me, he blocked me from his online connections (which our mutual friends thought was crazy because he was the one that did the silent withdrawl and stopped talking to me).

 

I'd like to wear something to really enhance communication- because there was a lot left unsaid, it was one of those cold, not-speaking type of ending (on his part). We didn't have a proper breakup- he just stopped talking to me, and after a month, I figured it was over and just moved on. By this point, I was tired of trying. I think part of his behavior is that he hasn't moved on (not saying he wants to get back together or anything, more like he never got closure and there's still a lot of residual emotions). He has a history of pulling back and staying silent, and while there is a lot I love about him, I was just so over being the one trying to keep things together, esp since if I try and communicate while he's in his silent mode, I never get honest answers anyway- just evasion, so it's not like I really can do anything productive.

 

He's warmed just a smidge lately (sat down next to me at dinner and actually initiated a conversation, which was eye-opening shocker considering his recent behavior), and I'd like to wear something that enhances communication and just break down the ice between us faster, since he's someone I end up seeing all the time and it's starting affect how I feel about seeing some dear friends (uuuugh, I don't want to attend Y's party because X will be all weird to me kind of thing). I'd like to use something that will help HIM approach me for a conversation (he's one of those guys where if you approach, he goes cold- sooo annoying) and we can talk about what happened and get to a point where we can just be nice and normal to each other.

 

I WAS wearing Treasured Hearts (my fave social phero) when he was nice to me, incidentally. I was thinking of maybe trying Heart to Heart or Perfect Match to steer things to a happier, more communicative place? Nothing sexy, no cops. I want to just sit down and have a honest conversation.

Edited June 14, 2011 by kittenkat

[LadyVictoria]

What about True Confessions?

[skye]

I'm mean. My first thought was "How about a kick in the ass?"

 

I haven't tried it but would Heart & Soul work?

[Beccah]

Hmm, you're going to need a good intent with it too. I'd stick with TH, & maybe Love Drawing, or LP Original for intent. My reasoning is that if TH has already worked, then why mess with success?

[kittenkat]

I have true confessions, but it's in silicone. It only works when people get super close to me physically- I don't amp oil based pheros very well. ;( In all honesty, I really don't care to get too physically close to him at this point. I'd like to be able to sit across or reasonable distance on the couch, and oil pheros don't amp enough in those situations, I've found. Oil based pheros- I have to be in their lap or totally cuddly.

 

I have TH, PM H2H in spray, so I figured I would try one of them.

[katz]

Just want to wish you luck...I hope you can clear the air between you two a bit!

[Calii]

I have TH, PM H2H in spray, so I figured I would try one of them.

 

Like Beccah said,since TH gave you good results,stay with it! ...but there is no reason not to try them all,one at a time of course ...This could be an awesome time/test for H2H!

 

Good Luck,and let us know how it goes.

[kittenkat]

Thanks, everyone! Beccha, good note about the intent.

 

I may try out H2H. I run into him enough, so it's not like I'm lacking opportunities if H2H goes awry. I'll try it out with my favorite perfume, which he always used to compliment me on- because it's a very light fragrance that puts me in a happy social mood. Do you think H2H is a good choice? Part of the reason I want to wear that is for self-effects, so I'll be a bit more empathetic to what he has to say rather than being dismissive and irritable (which is a possibility). The silent breakup was over a year ago, and I had been through the silent withdrawl enough times by that point to be over it by the time it happened. We share too many mutual friends and spaces, so I'm trying to bring things to a place of peace, not get-things-off-my-chest-and-burn-the-bridge.

 

@skye, he can be a great friend- he is a terrible, terrible romantic partner (and now I know why his female friends adore him to bits but wouldn't even think of dating him for even a minute).

Edited June 14, 2011 by kittenkat

[Beccah]

Thanks, everyone! Beccha, good note about the intent.

 

I may try out H2H. I run into him enough, so it's not like I'm lacking opportunities if H2H goes awry. I'll try it out with my favorite perfume, which he always used to compliment me on- because it's a very light fragrance that puts me in a happy social mood. Do you think H2H is a good choice? Part of the reason I want to wear that is for self-effects, so I'll be a bit more empathetic to what he has to say rather than being dismissive and irritable (which is a possibility). The silent breakup was over a year ago, and I had been through the silent withdrawl enough times by that point to be over it by the time it happened. We share too many mutual friends and spaces, so I'm trying to bring things to a place of peace, not get-things-off-my-chest-and-burn-the-bridge.

 

@skye, he can be a great friend- he is a terrible, terrible romantic partner (and now I know why his female friends adore him to bits but wouldn't even think of dating him for even a minute).

 

Good Luck!