Ok, so now I have EoW and Pink sugar.. Am I all set? + other questions

[Raq On]

I had a "friend" once tell me that she had never been "the hot one" before. Meaning that of the two of us, she was the more attractive. I was like "Sweetie, you still aren't." It wasn't that she was not physically adorable - she was. But she was also, as you can see, a huge bitch.

 

haha! How could someone even say that? Much less a friend?

 

 

 

And with the way i got my man no woman has a chance either. I may got extra pounds but my curves are as rockin as JLo.

 

Man I loved to read this!

[missdarlyncherie]

So I sat outside this morning and watched "The Burning Times" documentary that Indigo recommended. I really enjoyed it although of course it was maddening at the damage such beliefs have caused our society.

 

Anyway...there are several cats that scout around my place but because I was sitting so still (for once...instead of dashing out the door) they were actually creeping up to me. I couldn't help but giggle...I am a single independent woman living alone with no intentions of ever marrying, I have a dresser full of magickal potions and now strange cats are being drawn to me...I would definitely be ripe for burning in the witch hunt days...

 

 

edited for bad spelling

Edited April 9, 2012 by missdarlyncherie

[Beccah]

What an interesting & wonderful turn this thread has taken! I will add to the suppression of women by the church. There is clear evidence that Jesus valued Mary Magdalene, even above Peter (the "rock" of the Catholic church). He did not have a romantic relationship with her, he treated her as an equal & treasured friend. Yet her gospel was suppressed & the church besmirched her reputation, merging her with the prostitute that Jesus converted. The smear campaign started with Peter, who was jealous of the high esteem that Jesus held Mary in. I do not fault the deity for this, Jesus was obviously a revolutionary that felt that women were equal to men in God's eyes. I fault the apostles Peter & Paul (who had a history of persecuting Christians, so transferred this maniacal trait to suppressing women in the church). I believe that these same type of so-called Christians are enjoying a lot of power in America & have dedicated themselves to keeping women out of true positions of political power.

[Raq On]

Paul only persecuted Christians as a Pharisee, not after he converted. How did Peter persecute Christians?

[Beccah]

Paul only persecuted Christians as a Pharisee, not after he converted. How did Peter persecute Christians?

That parenthesis only referred to Paul, lol. I meant that Paul redirected that negative personality trait to suppressing women in the church.

Nope, the only Christian Peter persecuted was Mary Magdalene.

[Raq On]

You know I was just reading the 4 gospels on Sunday and sort of comparing them. Specifically the mention of any women in the resurrection. What always strikes me is that each one is very specific in the mention of women. Were they were standing, listing most of them by name, and the fact that they were the first to see Jesus speaks volumes. To mention females in any capacity in that culture was unheard of. I mean, the position of women in that culture was virtually non existent. It wasn't any of his male followers who washed Jesus' feet with their hair, using all the money they had to buy the most expensive perfume.

 

Jesus was indeed a revolutionary and if people would have checked their egos at the door and actually LISTENED to his instructions for setting up the church and living how He asked, Christians likely wouldnt 't be facing the degree of criticism we do today. Even the disciples fought over who would have the most power among them after Jesus' death-and they argued this right in front of Him! It's no wonder (IMHO) that the church is so messed up today.

[jlynn]

Some people are just flat out ridic. The woman who asked me this question was attractive, but....she was twice my age at the time (23), had just lost of ton of weight & was newly in with the swingers/druggie click, so she thought she was God's gift to men The entire story of our interactions is quite interesting. I'll just say that it ended up with me having to take a parenting class from her & her husband (she was high as a kite at every class she gave). The irony of which still amazes me. I'm glad I've had experiences with people like this though, I learned not to take anyone's shit because if they have the nerve to speak to me like that, than there's obviously something very wrong with them.

I thought being called the "hot one" is a complement? Wouldnt that have meant she thought you were beautiful?When I see a beautiful women or handsom man I have used the term "hot".Is that not a proper term?I would hate to be insulting someone.

[Beccah]

I thought being called the "hot one" is a complement? Wouldnt that have meant she thought you were beautiful?When I see a beautiful women or handsom man I have used the term "hot".Is that not a proper term?I would hate to be insulting someone.

She wasn't referring to me as hot, she was wondering why my 6' 5" attractive husband was with me. Neither her nor her husband thought that I was attractive, which was fine with me, as I didn't view them too fondly either. She had also come on to my husband in front of me & his mother before. I'm so glad I don't have to associate with people like that anymore

[halo0073]

She wasn't referring to me as hot, she was wondering why my 6' 5" attractive husband was with me. Neither her nor her husband thought that I was attractive, which was fine with me, as I didn't view them too fondly either. She had also come on to my husband in front of me & his mother before. I'm so glad I don't have to associate with people like that anymore

 

Here's the kicker to this story...Beccah IS the hot one in that couple. Seriously

[Andsoitgoes]

Mary Daly is probably one of the most radical feminist writers, but IMO she's a must for anyone absorbing the canon.

 

I'm pretty sure I'm going to love her, too. Half.com, here I come!

[Andsoitgoes]

haha! How could someone even say that? Much less a friend?

 

Yeah, tell me about it. She wasn't an especially nice person, but she let me use her car.

[jlynn]

Wow sorry they were nasty to you. I bet you are beautiful.

[JOC]

Just wondering how you ladies feel about people 'admiring' your other half, not the jealous and 'why did he pick her' manner but more like 'Wow! If only I'm with him".

 

I'm the one-man woman. Once I have set my heart on someone, I do not bother to even look at other men. I dislike it very much that some men, my hub included, encourage the 'come-on' behaviour even though they are attached.

 

I recall this incident where my hub's best friend met a lady (now his wife) and the lady tried to hook her best friend up with my hub, then my LDR boyfriend. We were seeing each other exclusively for goodness sake. I was based in North East Asia and the relationship was in the second year (I think). We meet about once or two a month, either back in my home country or I will travel to his place of residence. I have met the two ladies (stewardess) at the bars where the four or more will hang out.

 

The point is I flew to my then-bf's place for the New Year holidays and she flew up too, making her the odd one out. She knew that I was spending my New Year there. She turned up a couple of hours after I arrive on NY eve, partied with us and had a flight out early next morning as she had to go on a flight on NY day. Well, isn't that way too much, the two of them? She stayed at my bf's place and they talked all night.

 

The point is (1) I thought my bf could should have stopped all these flirting and encouragements in the first place - okay, he said that he didn't know she was going to turn up and (2) she didn't back off. She befriended another friend of my bf's who is married, etc. and was very disappointed and she kept calling my bf, crying, etc. It took her close to a year to back off by going off with another acquaintence of ours.

[Raq On]

Yeah, tell me about it. She wasn't an especially nice person, but she let me use her car.

 

It better have been a cool assed car!

[Raq On]

Just wondering how you ladies feel about people 'admiring' your other half, not the jealous and 'why did he pick her' manner but more like 'Wow! If only I'm with him".

 

If I wasn't secure with our relationship I'd hate it. Also if he responded to it I wouldn't put up with it. I'd be done. My husband is a very loyal person. He doesn't even realize when women are hitting on him. (unless it's blatant) Frankly I'm flattered, but as I said, if he enjoyed it too much, now that's a problem.

 

I never understood why men get jealous of other men looking at their women, As my husband puts it, "yes, I have good taste, and I get to look at her all I want." He doesn't blame them, just as I don't blame another woman admiring my man.

[BlueBear]

I'm currently single, but I was flattered when I was coupled up, because I knew at the end of the day he was still going to be with me. One time in college though, a girl was, in my opinion, blatantly coming onto the guy I was seeing. Like Raq said, in true male form, he didn't even realize it, bless his little heart. But the skank got the side eye from me all evening long.

[halo0073]

In general I find it amusing though there are certain times when the little bitch won't give up or realize the obvious that I start to get irritated. Then I will shut her down. But I find that amusing somewhat too. I am glad I haven't had to deal with that in years.

[Raq On]

In general I find it amusing though there are certain times when the little bitch won't give up or realize the obvious that I start to get irritated. Then I will shut her down. But I find that amusing somewhat too. I am glad I haven't had to deal with that in years.

 

I think some women actually like to push the limits. I mean isn't it the ultimate conquest to steal someone's man (or woman?) I never did understand why that was such a victory though. If a guy would leave his wife/SO for someone else then he's a dirtbag and will leave the new one too. DUH!

[halo0073]

Yes there are certainly those that enjoy that chase. I am not one of them. Though ironically BF and i started hanging out with both of our OTHER SO's. we both ditched them and got together and that certainly created trust issues for us in the early years.

[LadyVictoria]

I was reading my cousin's coffee cup this Easter. She's from Mexico. I asked her who this guy with the chin was. She thought for a minute and said.. I don't know anyone with a big chin, I do know a co worker who has a strong chiseled chin like your bf though. WTF it was like she got wet over his chin or something. It creeped me out a bit.

[Beccah]

You can't help who you fall in love with though. I had trust issues with SO initially because he had cheated on his ex-gf & I wasn't the first girl. he had cheated with.*But*, he waited to be physically intimate with me until he had broken it off with her. Also, we were in our early 20s at the time & who takes relationships seriously at that stage in life? He really wasn't in love with her & she was pushing him for an engagement ring. In addition to that, she refused to understand that he had broken up with her. She even showed up at his house a couple times after he had, & we were *very* publicly dating. She even called his phone after we had already been married for an entire year. Seriously,she didn't even grasp that it was over between them until we were married for two years & had our baby on the way

As far as other women admiring my spouse, it doesn't bother me. I have good taste & he wouldn't know what to do about it anyway

His whole world is me, the kids, & weight-lifting.

[luna65]

With Q, it would be one thng if women were admiring him outwardly - as people tend to do with anyone, whether they're attached or not - but I know the reason and it has the potential to be disturbing. I've seen it happen, and most of the time I'm not even offended by the predatory aspect in regards to the assessment of me as a rival, but rather, the real reason why it's happening. It's a big part of why he had given up on relationships when we first met. On the other hand, we've always been very honest with each other about attraction factors and how there's a difference between what your libido wants and what your heart wants. I couldn't be with someone who insisted on being everywhere in my consciousness, including my fantasies.

[tyvey]

JOC, I can't believe you put up with that shit from your then-bf.

[Calii]

On the other hand, we've always been very honest with each other about attraction factors and how there's a difference between what your libido wants and what your heart wants. I couldn't be with someone who insisted on being everywhere in my consciousness, including my fantasies.

 

WORD

 

My 1st husband was an exceptionally handsome man,the total package,and had many women fawn over him.He made it very clear who he was with,which was very flattering for awhile,till he posessive...long and will remain untold story

...now my Dearly Departed, was a striking man bcause of his height and personality...hee...he would not know if someone was flirting with him if they were naked,seriously he was clueless fortunately I never had anyone really,umm...challenge me

[Raq On]

With Q, it would be one thng if women were admiring him outwardly - as people tend to do with anyone, whether they're attached or not - but I know the reason and it has the potential to be disturbing. I've seen it happen, and most of the time I'm not even offended by the predatory aspect in regards to the assessment of me as a rival, but rather, the real reason why it's happening.

 

Huh?

[luna65]

I have to state these things in an oblique fashion, sorry if it comes across as totally confusing. But women tend to come onto to him for what he does rather than who he is.

[Potion Master]

You can say this much...Q is a very highly respected individual in a glamorous industry. One gets people trying to hang on to their coat tails. Seduce for the sake of what they THINK the person may be able to do for the advancement of their careers, or who they'll get to rub elbows with. Users and social climbers.

[JOC]

JOC, I can't believe you put up with that shit from your then-bf.

 

Lol, Tyvey, I expected this from you .... I'm kind of busy today so I'll have to read and post again later tonight. You can view it as I put up with the shit. He's the extrovert, he's the social animal, that's him. I guess at that stage (newly divorced), he just wanted to have fun but not sex. Fun in terms of flirting, etc. I am very certain that he has not strayed before.

[Raq On]

I have to state these things in an oblique fashion, sorry if it comes across as totally confusing. But women tend to come onto to him for what he does rather than who he is.

 

Ah.

[JOC]

 

 

I think some women actually like to push the limits. I mean isn't it the ultimate conquest to steal someone's man (or woman?) I never did understand why that was such a victory though. If a guy would leave his wife/SO for someone else then he's a dirtbag and will leave the new one too. DUH!

 

So true about pushing the limit and the ultimate conquest to steal someone else's partner. I'm on the fence re your second comment though. I used to think the same way too but as i grow older, I think people deserve to have a second chance. I mean, I too hope that sometimes I get a second chance too.

 

@Tyvey, I hope I didn't sound upset or defensive in my earlier reply. I knew you were going to say that. Looking back, sometimes I wonder why I put up with his behavior. Perhaps it was love? Perhaps it was the space he gave me to be myself?

 

There are plenty of people who chase others for what they can do for them and not who they are in the past as well as in the present.

[Indigo]

I am glad the subject was deemed pertinent. Apart from the films I also recommend Marilyn Strathern, Judith Butler and an amazing book by Donna Haraway called Simians, Cyborgs and Women: The Reinvention of Nature.

 

I am sorry to hear other women are causing women on this forum some angst or malaise with their partners, I have also experienced this kind of behaviour and I am not very patient although I have learned with time to be less jealous. It is a shame that our society is so patriarchal, that it pits women against women rather than allowing us to unite. It's the paradigm of divide and rule, because if we supported and respected each other in every walk of life things would be different. I have noticed that a lot of this behaviour stems from insecurity which as we have seen is a result of media airbrushed non-existent women as role models who many women feel they have to live up to and be desired by man (married, taken or not), dog and pigeon. But I feel lucky to be part of this great forum and also have some great female friends.

 

Once when in my early twenties I reacted really badly , this was when I had just quit boxing as it was not pushing me enough and I became the only and first female ever in my university's powerlifting team (similar to Olympic Weightlifting) and I was being taught by an all-male team to squat, deadlift and bench as much weight as possible. I was training very intensely and the blokes trained me with no mercy, there was no crying to get out of it. I became one of the 'men' for at least 8-10 hours a week. I was often in a lot of pain (esp on recovery days) and I learned to get very angry so I could lift over 250 pounds when I only weighed about 110 pounds for about 5 foot 7 or 8 inches.

 

Due to my body type I remained lean-looking not incredible hulkish at all. I had muscles but not noticeably as my high muscle density meant I was very strong but you would not know it unless I stripped naked and you saw my six pack and shapely hamstrings. So initially I still looked like a sweet young girl but underneath I was jacked as hell.

 

I was at a cigar bar one night with my boyfriend and other friends and it was very obvious that I was with my boyfriend since we were snogging, holding hands, I was sitting on his lap for a while etc. My boyfriend got up to go the bar to get us drinks and practically the minute he got up this lady just pounced on him and was blatantly trying to chat him up. I sauntered up to the two of them and the woman was asking him for his telephone number. My man had a Mclaren racing shirt on and she was pulling the old trick: 'oh I work for Mclaren, I can get you another shirt if you give me your number I can call you and deliver it to you personally.'

 

Now I don't know whether my man was born yesterday, was enjoying the attention or was simply mesmerised by the idea of another Mclaren shirt but he was sucking it all up. The woman was getting her phone out of her bag to take his number when I just barged in and exclaimed 'What?! Can't you see I'm with him?!'

 

She tried to fob me off by pretending it was all innocent but the woman was not moving away nor backing down. All the testosterone (and probably some PMS estrogen) just went coursing through me as if I was about to do a big lift. I just went ballastic and my archenemy did not see it coming, a sweet, angel-faced thing like me became BeEllezebub.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I did not know how strong I had become (in a real life scenario that is) from all my training, so when I went to push the woman away from my chap she went hurtling right across the bar -it seemed faster than the speed of light!- and slammed into a wall extremely violently and then fell, hurting herself quite badly!

Everyone was flabbergasted, the woman was completely shocked and stayed for about five minutes, trembling in fright and left looking very pale! Some of her friends stayed and I noticed, chose to sit at the table the farthest away from ours.

I got some stick from some people especially men saying my behaviour was outlandish and inappropriate, my boyfriend til this day thinks it was OTT but I remind him, he should be happy to have someone care for him as much. But albeit one guy was really impressed. He even said he wished he had a woman as ballsy as me! And after that one of my female flatmates treated me with kid gloves whenever there was a dispute about who was paying what bills for cleaning products etc.

 

 

Now I don't condone violence and with years I have mellowed and prefer Buddhism to boxing but I have to say I frightened away any potential competition. I don't think I'd do the same thing again, not that I am as incredibly strong as I used to be but I am definitely still quite powerful and potentially dangerous! I would love to always be about peace, love and smiles but if a lady hurts me by purposely going after the person I love most on this earth I will defend my territory with force if I have to!

Edited April 12, 2012 by Indigo

[tyvey]

@indigo Hey, you did warn her. Also, whatever one's views on violence, I can't ignore the double standard between the genders. A man who did the same would have been celebrated as a hero.

 

@JOC not at all - in fact I hope you weren't offended by MY comment. It was more incredulous and in support of you than to attack you, I trust you realize.

[luna65]

A man who did the same would have been celebrated as a hero.

Yeah see there's the thing: we need to deconstruct the epistomology of possession because it's outmoded and wrong at the very foundation. People are not possessions and acting this way - by either gender - is damaging to the way we treat each other and view ourselves.

[Raq On]

So true about pushing the limit and the ultimate conquest to steal someone else's partner. I'm on the fence re your second comment though. I used to think the same way too but as i grow older, I think people deserve to have a second chance. I mean, I too hope that sometimes I get a second chance too.

 

 

Oh by all means yes. There are couples who have been together that have met when they were already attached. (I am one of them) but I was looking at it from the standpoint of someone who was just all about the conquest of stealing a man just for the thrill. And statistically, men who leave their wives for the "other woman" are more likely to cheat on her too, (that's why I called them dirtbags LOL)

[JOC]

@indigo Hey, you did warn her. Also, whatever one's views on violence, I can't ignore the double standard between the genders. A man who did the same would have been celebrated as a hero. @JOC not at all - in fact I hope you weren't offended by MY comment. It was more incredulous and in support of you than to attack you, I trust you realize.

 

I appreciate your honesty and I didn't take it as an attack. That's why I like about this forum, to get different perspectives.

 

@Raq On - those who conquest for thrill .... not desirable at all. I stay away from such people.

[Indigo]

Thanks Tyvey I agree, double standards abound and I did ask the lady to leave, she was aware we were together and at that time we both wore rings of betrothal on our ring fingers which appeared to be wedding bands.

 

Albeit the act that followed was not to be condoned nor entirely intentional as I did not know my strength as yet. But was not her action also vicious knowing that I was attached to the man she spoke to?

 

@Luna, I have long felt that some things deserve to be and are special and sacred. Once tainted those things can be felt to have become mundane, unhallowed, mere temporal specks or even highly distressing. Violence can be meted out in many ways upon a person.

 

I am fine with other people being in open relationships but I have no desire to encourage or indulge in such behaviour in my own couple. Based upon my own numerous empirical observations although people are not to be equated with property, chattel or the like, adhering to a paradigm where partners in a loving relationship treat each other as free agents unshackled by any form of possession, although idealistically sound, does in practice generally lead to feelings of dispossession, emotional anomie, sexual alienation, instability, irreverence, disrespect and too often agony of the heart. All of the latter are also forms of violence albeit at a psychological level but wounds of the pysche can be extremely hurtful, harmful and difficult to heal in my opinion. But as I said other couples and people are of course free to do what they want as long as they respect my wishes and my ontology and do not interfere in my affairs of my heart.

 

If I psychoanalyse myself, my own act of violence, my reaction enacted physically upon a stranger (in the above story) threatening the sanctity of my couple was no doubt the result of my own multiple past experiences both from my own point of view but also witnessing repercussions and distress amongst members of my family and close friends, as a child and as an adult.

 

Ich dien love especially my love.

Edited April 15, 2012 by Indigo

[luna65]

Based upon my own numerous empirical observations although people are not to be equated with property, chattel or the like, adhering to a paradigm where partners in a loving relationship treat each other as free agents unshackled by any form of possession, although idealistically sound, does in practice generally lead to feelings of dispossession, emotional anomie, sexual alienation, instability, irreverence, disrespect and too often agony of the heart.

See I would take out the word "possession" and replace it with "commitment." But that's the result of my long experience (and even as I am nearing 50 I can't say that I know everything about relationships, not even the ones I am committed to).

[Potion Master]

Ahem, sorry to interrupt, but Luna CANNOT be nearing 50 because she and I are the same age.

 

 

[Synergist]

While I see this thread has gone off in a very different direction, I wanted to comment on the original question posed.

 

When I wear EoW under Pink Sugar I get a kind of "dirty" smell coming through. It doesn't change the Pink Sugar, but to me Pink Sugar (which I love even on its own by the way) kind of works well alongside it. It's like, the EoW alone would suggest that you are dirty or haven't washed, but the fresh sweetness of Pink Sugar says this is clearly not the case. I feel like the EoW becomes more sexy than dirty. I certainly don't like to wear EoW on its own and find Pink Sugar is a brilliant "cover" for it for this reason - it enhances it, rather than covers it.

[halo0073]

sometimes on LP we mean sexy when we say dirty. That can get confusing.