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I have a date this weekend with someone I don.t feel that attracted to but I'm going for the second date as they're keen and I'm trying to follow The Four Man Plan, but is it mean to wear Extra curricular Pro.. Just because it makes me feel really good? He's totally sweet and very nice so nothing to fear, but would it be unfair?

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Maybe just a little bit...LOL!! :) But, keep an open mind, sometimes the attraction grows - I'm just sayin'!!

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What is the Four Man Plan? Do you get to have four men or what?

 

:lol: I want to know, too!

I think I've accidentally put myself on the Four Man Plan. It's called, "the band". They're always at my house, so the poor beggars are always getting phero-bombed by me, and none seem to mind even a little! :lol: I think I'm only going to keep the blue-haired guitar player though. And maybe the bass-player. He's a young'un, but GOD! SO. EFFING. HOT. :D

 

I don't know if I'd wear Bang! on a date with someone I wasn't interested in, (especially if he's keen). I might try something else that makes me feel good and confident - something that still gives that kick-ass feeling. The first thing that pops into my head is Audacious. That stuff makes *me* feel sexy and awesome, but from what I gather from people's reactions while I've worn it, I'm just great fun to be around. I'd be hesitant to indicate an interest on my part where there is none, because I've done that unwittingly before, (just by being friendly), and it's not a fun ball of yarn to unravel.

 

Keep in mind though, that this advice is coming from the girl who regularly phero-and-cops-bombs her boyfriend's band mates, *and likes it*. ;)

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Yeah,I have to agree with what has been said...don't bait the trap if you don't want the trip :lol:

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Personally I wouldn't. Would you like it if a guy wore SS4M on a date with you if he wasn't "that attracted" to you? Or maybe you're thinking the attraction will grow? In that case maybe. Aren't there any other fragrances/pheros that make you feel fab? Like Lumina or PP or open windows? Maybe even treasured hearts?

 

 

ME three! I want to know what the 4 man plan is. I'm guessing that you have at least 4 men in your "rotation"?

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I would hesitate wearing BANG! with a guy who is very much attracted to me while I'm not. I did this once with the result that he became very bold and as I didn't respond he became angry. I would suggest OW or PP (makes me feel confident and always leads to nice conversations). I think even SS4W is okay because it has no cops, it's sexy but not sexual.

I'm also curious to know about the 4 man plan :Emoticons04280: Pleeeeaase let us know!

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I will skip Bang and use something else like OW, A-nol or T.M.I. But if you really want to find out if he is your cup of tea, I'd skip pheros .

 

Looking back, I had really good time and conversation with BLAM. On both occassions we talked non-stop for hours and on all ttopics.

 

Four man plan? I assume that means going on a weekly date on Mon, Wed, Fri & Sun?

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I have to agree with the above comments, if you're not attracted to him then what is the point of getting him all hot and bothered? Sounds a bit mean to me.

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The idea was that I feel good enough to actually *go* on the date, otherwise, being very tired etc, I'll feel revolting and flat, and won't want to go, Bang! seems to be like me on a *great* day.

 

The Four Man Plan:http://www.thefourmanplan.com/

 

I don't have four men, no. I have one I have been on one date with (who looks about twelve) and another who wishes to, but am also not really that into and not living in the same city has made arrangements harder, but that's it. The idea is that anyone keen enough to go on date number two with you, gets a second date, the exception being fear for personal safety or just a feeling of really squicked-out-ness, as sometimes people don't come off well on date one, but grow on you.

 

Dating in the UK is not like in the USA, seems much harder here, as people tend to just meet randomly and decide whether or not to be a couple from there, multiple dating doesn't seem to happen really. It's been impossible for me to fill a dating square like in the book. I think the principles are sound though...no letting your pants be the brain etc.

 

I will have had a teeny dab of EP on for our first date just coincidentally from testing but was slathered in Far Far Away, which got me on the date but, I wasn't exactly sparkling.

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:lol: I want to know, too!

I think I've accidentally put myself on the Four Man Plan. It's called, "the band". They're always at my house, so the poor beggars are always getting phero-bombed by me, and none seem to mind even a little! :lol: I think I'm only going to keep the blue-haired guitar player though. And maybe the bass-player. He's a young'un, but GOD! SO. EFFING. HOT. :D

 

I don't know if I'd wear Bang! on a date with someone I wasn't interested in, (especially if he's keen). I might try something else that makes me feel good and confident - something that still gives that kick-ass feeling. The first thing that pops into my head is Audacious. That stuff makes *me* feel sexy and awesome, but from what I gather from people's reactions while I've worn it, I'm just great fun to be around. I'd be hesitant to indicate an interest on my part where there is none, because I've done that unwittingly before, (just by being friendly), and it's not a fun ball of yarn to unravel.

 

Keep in mind though, that this advice is coming from the girl who regularly phero-and-cops-bombs her boyfriend's band mates, *and likes it*. ;)

 

Well here, going on a date pretty much implies interest so to speak. Not sex but interest at least, so I'm not so worried about that. Aaaaand Lucky YOU! Sounds like you have your own harem! Feel free to send any surplus cute ones my way!

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I just really like the idea of the four men...spill it already!!

 

Idea is you start with sixteen!! Read the link I posted though, because it probably explains it all better than I might :)

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If it makes you feel good about yourself then you should wear it! I would for sure.

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Well here, going on a date pretty much implies interest so to speak. Not sex but interest at least, so I'm not so worried about that. Aaaaand Lucky YOU! Sounds like you have your own harem! Feel free to send any surplus cute ones my way!

 

LOL! You can have the drummer and the other guitar player! Not a harem, no. It's just that I wear pheros around the house a lot - *a lot*- and they're always turning up unexpected. So at this point, (after all the phero & cops exposure they've been unwittingly subjected to), they've all become a bit goggly-eyed for me! They think my boyfriend has *the best* girlfriend in the world! It's cute. One guitar player is mine, the other has just recently become engaged, the drummer is single and so crushed out on me he invites me *everywhere* - through my boyfriend! - and the bass player is half my age, (and SO HOT), and just thinks I'm The Shit. It's just cute. And kind of fun for me to have the whole band think I kick ass!

 

The 4 Man Plan sounds pretty good in theory. I like that it tries to make you more comfortable with who you are, and puts an emphasis on finding what you like in a person, because I think women tend to form-fit themselves to the men they like/love. And I think dating a lot of men - or at the very least spending time with them in social situations - is a good idea if you're actively looking for a partner, because exposure to a lot of different people gives *you* the choices. It gives you options, choices, trial runs, and will eventually make you more comfortable with the whole scene. Plus you'll have to rely more on yourself. I also like the idea of acknowledgement, which is something I think is sorely missing from today's dating world. In this instance, I'd say wear something that makes you feel as if you shine, but you'd have to be very up-front and honest about your interest level. Because handled well, you could wind up with some surprisingly good friends, if not a partner. Good luck to you! I hope you have fun with this! :)

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That still sounds hot to me Eggers...I like that they reinforce your bf's choice of you as a gf :) Win-win!

 

I have a tendancy to go for unavailable men, or else it's just unlucky that anyone I find attractive doesn't feel the same way about me as more than a sexual object. So I'm liking the idea of being made to look at things differently, following a different way of doing things. It's like they say, if you always do what you've always done then you'll always get what you've always got! And my way hasn't exactly worked! I think she may veen say this exact thing in the book, been a while since i read it, but I got this phrase from a life coach originally.

 

Still deciding what to wear, tentative plan is to go eat curry so I think EP may not be suitable for dinner. I will update on how it goes!

 

 

Ha...date's off. He's busy now. I hate when people ask are you free knowing full well they are not. Ugh. Had talked myself into it now!

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CM just read a bit about the 4 man plan. Interesting.

 

BTW your HAIR is gorgeous! How do you get it so shiny?

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Ha...date's off. He's busy now. I hate when people ask are you free knowing full well they are not. Ugh. Had talked myself into it now!

 

Ohhhh no,all that angst and he backs out ...poop :(

 

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Date's off? Bummer. I had an ex who used to do that to me all the time. He'd make specific plans with me, knowing he was already busy, or just bloody well not going to show up. Used to drive me bonkers. And when I finally dumped him, (after putting up with that BS *way* too long), he couldn't figure out why. He never seemed to understand how inconsiderate it was. Douche.

 

I was talking with one of my girlfriends a couple of days ago about how it always seems to be that the minute you stop looking for a partner, the 'perfect' guy turns up. I kind of think that when you get so sick of trying to do things to attract people that you finally say, "eff that. I'm just going to do what *I* do, and screw everyone else," you're more likely to attract someone who's truly compatible, because you're not always "on", or trying to be the super-you. You're just you. 'Cause when you're actively looking for a partner, you (not you, specifically, but people in general) tend to put their best face forward, but then when people show an interest, it doesn't feel right because they're responding to your "best" self, not your "real" self. When you get to the point where you say, "F*ck it", you tend to relax a bit, and more compatible people start responding. (Sorry, that wound up being more rambling and garbled than I intended; BF is all fired-up about something, and was yammering non-stop while I was trying to write that. I hope it makes sense!). Anyway, I just brought it up because my friend and I have been talking a lot about it lately. She's recently hit the "Eff it all" wall.

 

I remember that wall fondly. I never had so much fun as when I hit that sucker! LOL! :D

 

Anyway... I agree, it is awfully nice that the band boys have given their 'stamp of approval'. BF likes it, too. He thinks it's pretty funny, actually. And it makes it really fun when we all go out together. They all hang out as a group under the umbrella of my phero cloud. A couple of times it was like we all moved as a unit! :lol:

 

And I also want to know what you do to make your hair so shiny. (I always wanted hair like your's when I was growing up).

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This is just a quick reply as I'm on my phone and it doesn't make typing a pleasure! My hair- unfortunately I have no secret. I wash it, don't use conditioner, I was just born with shiny hair. I have terrible nails though, weak and and thin. I often joke that my hair sucks all the good stuff up! I do use a semi permanent dye though, just for the few grey hairs but it is shiny without that so i don't think that makes much difference. I wouldn't be so bothered about the date thing had he not hassled me at midnight last night as to when i would be free and when i got back to him today at lunchtime, he replied later on and he said he was busy, which he must have known already! He's blown it now though.

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I was talking with one of my girlfriends a couple of days ago about how it always seems to be that the minute you stop looking for a partner, the 'perfect' guy turns up. I kind of think that when you get so sick of trying to do things to attract people that you finally say, "eff that. I'm just going to do what *I* do, and screw everyone else," you're more likely to attract someone who's truly compatible, because you're not always "on", or trying to be the super-you. You're just you. 'Cause when you're actively looking for a partner, you (not you, specifically, but people in general) tend to put their best face forward, but then when people show an interest, it doesn't feel right because they're responding to your "best" self, not your "real" self. When you get to the point where you say, "F*ck it", you tend to relax a bit, and more compatible people start responding. (Sorry, that wound up being more rambling and garbled than I intended; BF is all fired-up about something, and was yammering non-stop while I was trying to write that. I hope it makes sense!). Anyway, I just brought it up because my friend and I have been talking a lot about it lately. She's recently hit the "Eff it all" wall.

 

I remember that wall fondly. I never had so much fun as when I hit that sucker! LOL! :D

 

Very sage advice. I really should listen to you on this one. I constantly try to put out the best "me", but I would like to be doing it because *I* want to, not because I'm trying to attract anyone. I think I'm doing it for the wrong reasons at the moment.

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Sorry to hear that your date was canceled. Btw, what kind of guy calls you at midnight for a date? Shouldn't he has called earlier or at least at a decent hour?

 

I'm surprise to learn about the dating scene in UK. I know that most people here date with marriage in mind. Back home, we date more causally with the limited leisure time we have.

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Very sage advice. I really should listen to you on this one. I constantly try to put out the best "me", but I would like to be doing it because *I* want to, not because I'm trying to attract anyone. I think I'm doing it for the wrong reasons at the moment.

 

I don't know if I really meant that as advice, and I certainly don't think there's anything wrong with putting your best face forward. It was more an observation of the way things (almost) always seem to work. I've seen it happen to both female and male friends who were so keen to find partners that they never seemed to just relax and enjoy their lives as single people. They're always trying to look their best, and say the 'right' thing, be in the 'right' places etc., in order to attract the opposite sex, instead of concentrating on the things that make them happy and feel content *in themselves*. And it's the "real" you - with all of your foibles and bad hair days and weird interests and habits - that should be the attractant, as opposed to the "polished" version of themselves people tend to present when they're actively searching for a mate. I just always find it interesting that it almost always seems to be the very moment we get tired/frustrated in looking for a partner, (and so we relax a bit), that the right person seems to come along. I wasn't really trying to give Cin-mel advice. Just commenting

on something I've been thinking about a lot lately.

 

I've never really "dated" much, as such. I've gone on a few here and there, but they were always uncomfortable for me, (probably because the idea of becoming "tied-down" began to feel very literal - and sent me into a panic every time). All of the partners I've had who've "stuck" for any real length of time have been people who've been in my daily life - either at work, or in my circle of friends.

 

Heh... I guess I'm a good example of what I was trying to say above. Before I met current BF, (who I've been with for 8 years), I was actively looking for someone, and so was always trying to make myself look/seem appealing to the men I was interested in. And whenever they showed an interest, I'd always back off because they weren't interested in me, they were interested in this shiny version of myself I was always trying to display when I was around them. Then something a bit traumatic and time-consuming happened in my life, and I forgot all about finding a partner. I was suddenly raw and immersed in my own little drama, going about my day-to-day stuff, and suddenly I realize there's this guy who's always there, and who seems to like me even though I'm crazy and harried and not always in a good mood... It turned out that he was interested in me because of the way I handled the crap situation I was put in. And essentially, that was that. I'd stopped looking, got on with my life, and suddenly there was this guy there saying, "I really like *you*. You're authentic." And he still likes me for that same reason, among others. And then for me, being "tied-down" didn't feel so literal.

 

Okay. I'm finished taking up all this space in Cinnamonmel's thread! ;) I'm out.

 

 

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I've never really "dated" much, as such. I've gone on a few here and there, but they were always uncomfortable for me, (probably because the idea of becoming "tied-down" began to feel very literal - and sent me into a panic every time). All of the partners I've had who've "stuck" for any real length of time have been people who've been in my daily life - either at work, or in my circle of friends.

 

I couldn't agree more with this. My partners seem to usually end up being someone I was friends with or working with first. Which is why I get frustrated with the concept that "you shouldn't date co-workers" or "I won't go out with such and such because I don't want to ruin our friendship". Well, how else are you going to not only meet someone, but get to know someone well enough to know if you want to be with them?

 

I'm not one for casual dating either. I don't know about the rest of the world, but here you only date ONE person at a time, because if you have gone on even one date that is a sign of expressing interest and commitment, until one of you declares that it's off. I used to get so confused watching Amercian shows where people would say things like "I had 3 dates in one weekend!" It was just...huh??

Edited by Synergist

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I think the anticipating and plotting is so fake and tiring. Just as in business, I do not oversell and overpromise. I present the truth, both pros and cons and my client makes their decision base on their needs, wants and situation.

 

Maybe our definition of date is different. I will only date exclusively after we have gone out a couple of times, after I kind of know if we have the same values and if not, since opposite attracts, am I interested to find out why and can I accept the differences. It would be difficult and different if I had to date with commitments and marriages as objectives in the background.

 

 

 

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I know! I always thought the not-dating-co-workers rule was a bit weird myself. I think statistically, that's where people tend to meet their mates most often!

 

Casual dating? No. I'm not a fan. I never got the American dating thing either. It never really worked like that when I was growing up either.

 

As for getting involved with friends? I think it's natural to gravitate towards our friends. They're the people we trust, the ones we choose to spend our time with - it's the most natural place to look for a partner. Personally I've never really worried about ruining a friendship by trying to make it something more. I always figured that we're grown-ups, and we choose how to view things and we also choose how to react. So if a friendship were to end because I tried to make it something more, (even if "more" were just to involve sex), then it wouldn't be because I chose to end the friendship - it would be the other person's decision. And in that case, I'd tend to believe it was never a true friendship in the first place. I am still very close friends with a number of men I've been in romantic relationships with. I'm also still very good friends with most of the friends I've slept with. So I don't really see a problem with getting involved with friends unless the other person can't deal with it for whatever reason, in which case I would view it as a non-friendship anyway. I *want* my boyfriend to be my friend. I don't want to just put him in the "Boyfriend Box", and leave him there. I want him to be my buddy, so why would it be wrong for him to start that way? I think the best relationships are those in which the partners view and treat each other as both friends and lovers.

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I know! I always thought the not-dating-co-workers rule was a bit weird myself. I think statistically, that's where people tend to meet their mates most often!

 

Casual dating? No. I'm not a fan. I never got the American dating thing either. It never really worked like that when I was growing up either.

 

As for getting involved with friends? I think it's natural to gravitate towards our friends. They're the people we trust, the ones we choose to spend our time with - it's the most natural place to look for a partner. Personally I've never really worried about ruining a friendship by trying to make it something more. I always figured that we're grown-ups, and we choose how to view things and we also choose how to react. So if a friendship were to end because I tried to make it something more, (even if "more" were just to involve sex), then it wouldn't be because I chose to end the friendship - it would be the other person's decision. And in that case, I'd tend to believe it was never a true friendship in the first place. I am still very close friends with a number of men I've been in romantic relationships with. I'm also still very good friends with most of the friends I've slept with. So I don't really see a problem with getting involved with friends unless the other person can't deal with it for whatever reason, in which case I would view it as a non-friendship anyway. I *want* my boyfriend to be my friend. I don't want to just put him in the "Boyfriend Box", and leave him there. I want him to be my buddy, so why would it be wrong for him to start that way? I think the best relationships are those in which the partners view and treat each other as both friends and lovers.

 

Eggers - I want to second EVERYTHING you've just said. I wish I could vote or rep your post up! You and I think so much alike it's not funny.

 

The best I can do is bold everything I really agree with and want to scream "YES!" to, but really I agree with it all!

 

I think my strong viewpoint on this comes from C1 telling me once that he would never get involved with a colleague. I'm convinced that that is the reason he has refused to look at me any other way, even though in almost every other respect we seem to be perfect for each other. I think it's a stupid reason - if we work in a similar field and both care about our jobs, shouldn't that actually help the relationship? Who cares about it *maybe* not working and us *maybe* being awkward afterwards - it is worth the risk!!

 

BTW - I'm also very close to some guys I have dated or had sex with. My other flatmate (the good one) is also my ex, and he's my best friend in the world, even if we are no longer together. We've been best friends for nearly a decade now. A lot of people find that hard to understand, to the point where I don't even usually mention it now.

 

I hope this doesn't offend anyone, but I also have two other "friends with benefits", who don't want any kind of commitment or relationship from me, but who I do have sex with from time to time. I have a high sex drive and so do they, so aside from one minor jealousy issue (which was resolved through discussion) these relationships have worked out fine for us both/all. My theory is that as long as you are always honest with each other, you can't really hurt each other, the only real hurt comes from secrets and lies. If you are honest with a person that you just want sex with them and it won't lead to a relationship, at least coming from a female, I have found males are generally more than fine with that. It's only if you make them think there will be more that they get hurt. And if you are friends first you should respect them enough to have that much honesty with them.

Edited by Synergist

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CM, so sad that he cancelled the date. Stupid men who can't plan their date properly and not clarifying beforehand whether they will be free on that day or not. My BF is doing such things all the time. Just recently he invited me for a holiday trip to which I was happily looking forward to, but just 2 days before the trip he cancelled it because he was too busy.

 

Eggers, what you said about dating friends or co-workers, I have to agree 100%. I never understand why some people think this would'n be a good idea. As for my experience: we see our co-workers every day in their own (working-) environment, so they behave naturally and we can get to know them how they are and how they behave towards others etc. IMO, it's a really good environment to find a soulmate or even a casual bf.

 

Synergist, your theory "that as long as you are always honest with each other, you can't really hurt each other, the only real hurt comes from secrets and lies", that is very true. Honesty is actually the main point in any partnership, be it a casual one or something more serious. Many people feel comfortable with a "friendship with benefits" or "friendship plus" (don't know if this is the correct word), friendship with sex but without much commitment. The main point is being honest with each other so that nobody gets hurt. It's much better than pretending a deep commitment and at the same time cheating behind the partner's back. That really hurts. Times have changed, and the way how men and women interact with each other and what they expect from their sex partner, that also has changed. But honesty always remains important.

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Thanks for the compliments on my hair everyone :cat690: I missed that bit out when I replied last night on my tiny phone screen.

 

 

 

I was talking with one of my girlfriends a couple of days ago about how it always seems to be that the minute you stop looking for a partner, the 'perfect' guy turns up. I kind of think that when you get so sick of trying to do things to attract people that you finally say, "eff that. I'm just going to do what *I* do, and screw everyone else," you're more likely to attract someone who's truly compatible, because you're not always "on", or trying to be the super-you. You're just you. 'Cause when you're actively looking for a partner, you (not you, specifically, but people in general) tend to put their best face forward, but then when people show an interest, it doesn't feel right because they're responding to your "best" self, not your "real" self. When you get to the point where you say, "F*ck it", you tend to relax a bit, and more compatible people start responding.

 

.

 

I don't feel this is really an issue for me. I don't do dressing up much for dates, usually bothered more about how I smell, since that's what's important to me, plus I'm very down to Earth and straightforward, generally too honest for my own good, so I don't put on an act for dates. Since I have some minor anxiety problems about getting ready to go out places it's for my own good that I don't make a big deal out of getting ready, and I use my perfume to get in the mood to go, it's not the date that bothers me, just getting out of the house to go moment, it's a weird problem I guess.

 

Sorry to hear that your date was canceled. Btw, what kind of guy calls you at midnight for a date? Shouldn't he has called earlier or at least at a decent hour?

 

I'm surprise to learn about the dating scene in UK. I know that most people here date with marriage in mind. Back home, we date more causally with the limited leisure time we have.

 

In his defense, he didn't call me, he had text me earlier to see if i had returned home from my trip-he wished to meet that eve, but I told him I wouldn't be back til late, hence his late text to ask if I was home, and when would I be free. It was still bad form of him to not mention plans he had at this point. I'm not sure so much that we even have a dating scene here. Situation tends to be more...go to pub, meet, meet again = bf/gf or meet at work and end up together.

 

I couldn't agree more with this. My partners seem to usually end up being someone I was friends with or working with first. Which is why I get frustrated with the concept that "you shouldn't date co-workers" or "I won't go out with such and such because I don't want to ruin our friendship". Well, how else are you going to not only meet someone, but get to know someone well enough to know if you want to be with them?

 

I'm not one for casual dating either. I don't know about the rest of the world, but here you only date ONE person at a time, because if you have gone on even one date that is a sign of expressing interest and commitment, until one of you declares that it's off. I used to get so confused watching Amercian shows where people would say things like "I had 3 dates in one weekend!" It was just...huh??

 

Personally i don't tend to pay attention to what people say about stuff like that, they should mind their own business, we're all different and people who have blanket terms and conditions tend not to be the best sources of advice...

 

I should clarify what I mean by date- for me at the moment 'a date' is strictly a meeting with no sexual contact, 'dating' would be actually seeing someone exclusively. BUT since I have no workplace in which to meet people, have fibromyalgia and little energy for socialising, all my friends these days are pretty much married or close to with no single male friends, any male friends I have left I have are ex boyfriends (I have no problem staying friends with exes) my choices are pretty limited, it's internet dating or stay home alone every night and do so forever. My life doesn't really have any potential random-meet-space in it. The only adults I interact with on a daily basis are parents at the school and generally female/married men. So my dates are first meetings and often that's the only meeting we have-most internet date guys tend to be pushing for sex using looking for a relationship as a cover because they are cowards. I have more respect for the just sex guys who say it outright. Snowflake mentions this later. Honesty is always best, it gives people choices, and no one likes to feel deceived.

 

I haven't been on a whole host of dates really, seems impossible to get people to go on one, even the ones who say they want to-weird disease going around, this playing with emotions thing, just looking for an ego boost or just an inability to be honest perhaps, plus I was in and out of the same relationship for over 12 years, not leaving much time to date. In four years I have been on maybe ten dates.

 

On the rare occasions I go out to gigs or whatever, I never ever meet/get approached by anyone. Perhaps I give off bad vibes, I'm not a fun giggly girl type.

 

CM, so sad that he cancelled the date. Stupid men who can't plan their date properly and not clarifying beforehand whether they will be free on that day or not. My BF is doing such things all the time. Just recently he invited me for a holiday trip to which I was happily looking forward to, but just 2 days before the trip he cancelled it because he was too busy.

 

 

 

Synergist, your theory "that as long as you are always honest with each other, you can't really hurt each other, the only real hurt comes from secrets and lies", that is very true. Honesty is actually the main point in any partnership, be it a casual one or something more serious. Many people feel comfortable with a "friendship with benefits" or "friendship plus" (don't know if this is the correct word), friendship with sex but without much commitment. The main point is being honest with each other so that nobody gets hurt. It's much better than pretending a deep commitment and at the same time cheating behind the partner's back. That really hurts. Times have changed, and the way how men and women interact with each other and what they expect from their sex partner, that also has changed. But honesty always remains important.

 

Oh Snowflake, that's bad, very inconsiderate and unacceptable behaviour. :Hug_emoticon: I hope you had a serious talk with him, I hope it's not outside my place to say that, I just hate anyone being treated so shoddily. In my experience people who do this do it over and over.

 

I really hate the term 'friends with benefits', I feel it as a term devalues actual friendship. I don't mean any offense to those who have used it, it just bugs me Maybe that's just me but I prefer fuck-buddies...seems more honest. I also have no problem with fuck buddies, as long as the honesty is there. I have found in my own experience that one person will get attached though, it's just inevitable. I don't think it's wrong for people to try and meet their needs at all as long as both parties are trying to not hurt the other.

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I really hate the term 'friends with benefits', I feel it as a term devalues actual friendship. I don't mean any offense to those who have used it, it just bugs me Maybe that's just me but I prefer fuck-buddies...seems more honest. I also have no problem with fuck buddies, as long as the honesty is there. I have found in my own experience that one person will get attached though, it's just inevitable. I don't think it's wrong for people to try and meet their needs at all as long as both parties are trying to not hurt the other.

 

I don't really like the term either, but then, the other terms are not really much better, so you have to work with the language available to you I guess! I don't think it's necessarily inevitable that one side will get attached, although it can happen. My early experiences were that it did happen, which is what taught me the importance of honesty. Since being totally honest and upfront about what I wanted, I don't think either myself or my friend with benefits/FB/whatever has developed too strong an attachment or got hurt. It's all about how it is carried on I guess. I also wouldn't try to have that kind of relationship with someone I thought would have strong feelings for me or someone in a vulnerable position. That generally makes it safer all around.

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Maybe not inevitable but likely, even being honest, there's no plan for human emotion, sometimes people just take you by surprise, or you, them. I've experienced both sides of the equation. At the grand old age of 35 I have had a fair bit of experience I guess, last four years aside!

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Oh Snowflake, that's bad, very inconsiderate and unacceptable behaviour. :Hug_emoticon: I hope you had a serious talk with him, I hope it's not outside my place to say that, I just hate anyone being treated so shoddily. In my experience people who do this do it over and over.

 

Cinnamonmel, thank you so much for the hugs. Yeah, his behaviour sucks sometimes. I haven't said anything to him because he promised to make up for the trip on a later date. Well, let's wait and see. As you mentioned: people who do this do it again and again. On the other hand, to his defense I have to say that whenever we are together he is very sweet and caring.

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Snowflake, I hope this is the last time then. Don't keep putting up with it if it is not though, everyone deserves better.

 

 

 

i have a date! On Tuesday morning. With someone else! Go me!!

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i have a date! On Tuesday morning. With someone else! Go me!!

 

Congrats!! Hope this one turns out to be 10x better :):Emoticons0804:

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Well he doesn't look twelve for a start. Plus he has been texting me non stop. It may burn out fast, or he may just be a super intense person. We'll see. Thinking gonna go phero free for this one, don't want to colour my own judgment.

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Cinnamonmel, you are right. Regarding your advice, I'm thinking the same.

 

 

Congrats to your new date. Good luck & have fun!

Edited by snowflake

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Thinking gonna go phero free for this one, don't want to colour my own judgment.

 

I think this is a good idea too...plenty of time for enhancements if there is a connection

...good luck :)

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i have a date! On Tuesday morning. With someone else! Go me!!

Well he doesn't look twelve for a start. Plus he has been texting me non stop. It may burn out fast, or he may just be a super intense person. We'll see. Thinking gonna go phero free for this one, don't want to colour my own judgment.

 

Ooh! I'm so glad! A new prospect! I like the idea of going phero-free. Like Calii said above, lots of time for enhancement later....

I hope you'll have lots of fun! :)

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Thanks for all the good wishes everyone. I'm a bit wrung out this eve, but I will report back after date Tues.

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yay on the new date! have fun and dont forget to give us all the juicy gossip

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