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Geena

Phero for a lesbian woman working with a bunch of douchebags?

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Hey there everyone. Question. I have a friend who is a lesbian and a police officer and works with a bunch of douchebags. What would be a good phero to tone down the douchebaggery of the guys who rank above her and build compradeship with the men she supervises?

Edited by Geena

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Wow! Yeah, she can use something to make it easier, but there's an underlying misogyny in law enforcement/military culture that she may not be able to touch with pheromones. My suggestions would be:

1. SWS

2. B2

3. Dominance

4. Leather

& maybe Mother's Little Helper.

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I'd suggest Open Windows, Mother's Little Helper, B2, and maybe something like Iconic Tonic or Portmanteu?

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Just wondering how's her working relationship with her subordinates, if she has been viewed as an aggressive boss, she might want to soften up with some SWS and a little cops. If she's lack of respect, maybe some Dominance or Leather will help.

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I like SWS (Swimming With Sharks) for work situations personally. But she will probably need to try a few different blends and see what works best for her.

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That's gotta be tough on so many levels. The guys don't like a woman in power, and they are bent out of shape since they have no sexual power over her, either.

 

I'd suggest B2, Open Windows, maybe even Empathy Potion.

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Just wondering how's her working relationship with her subordinates, if she has been viewed as an aggressive boss, she might want to soften up with some SWS and a little cops. If she's lack of respect, maybe some Dominance or Leather will help.

 

Good point JOC!!!

 

ETA: Also, believe it or not, I find Perfect Match tames my coworkers too, though i would try the others first.

Edited by BlueBear

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The problem seems to be that she's aggressive. No more aggressive than the men there, but she speaks her mind and she is moving through the ranks. Seems like as long as a female officer is demure and doesn't move through the ranks and just stays a patrol officer, they are tolerated. But demure women don't move through the ranks. She's the only woman who ranks higher than basic patrol officer. The men in command of her seem to loathe her. The men under her seem to like her better but don't show the same respect they do a man in her rank. As you can imagine, a lot of these guys are full-on powerhungry douchebags. The guy directly above her is an absolute pompous, control hungry jerk. I met this guy before I knew her. Sexist, womanizing, aggressive pig. There are some really nice guys on the force, but the majority are jackasses with issues with women. Her being a tomboyish lesbian seems to aggravate them more. She loves her job, but the frustration and bullying this woman has to deal with on a daily basis is overwhelming. I'm amazed at how she manages to be so good natured despite it.

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"That's gotta be tough on so many levels. The guys don't like a woman in power, and they are bent out of shape since they have no sexual power over her, either."

 

Exactly, I think many chauvenistic men get extra aggravated by a woman they know doesn't "get d*cked." It's like as long as they can imagine a woman on the receiving end of a penis...they feel superior to her and automatically "win" in their tiny minds. She transcends all penis..and that makes her even more annoying! lol

Edited by Geena

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Ugh, I change my vote to Dominance. that other stuff might be too soft for these punks.

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You know, I was originally thinking Dominance as well, but I think she might now want to send any sexual signals AT ALL.

 

I hope Mara comes by, I wonder if there are any male pheros she could use with success, in addition or instead of B2, not the ones that give females headaches...what do you think?

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Brave lady! My respect to her!

My vote is Teddy BB, because it makes a gal seem like "one of the boys". (It's the same as B2, but it's a better balanced mix) I have tried it exactly for this purpose and in my experience it makes guys relax and accept a female in their presence. It gives off the vibe of a calm, relaxed alpha male, in NON-confrontational mode.

 

Personally, having spent over 20 years of my life in a male dominated field, I would be afraid that something like Leather or Dominance would do the opposite of what she needs. It might work, on the other hand, it might scream BITCH very loudly because it has in it the alpha-male pheros that men find a challenge and might want to out-alpha. I find, when I wear them, it makes me more aggressive. She's already in a situation where everyone is acting aggressive and frustrated. So in my mind, I would go the other way. Calm them down with their own alpha-male-at-peace juice. Calm acceptance that she's an equal, or even superior, and just one of the guys is where my intuition takes me.

 

That's my first choice. If that doesn't work I would then try Swimming with Sharks, and then La Femme Mystere. SWS being obvious - and somewhat gender neutral, but LFM because of The Queen Bee Effect it seems to be providing for some of us who have been wearing it. It has an ingredient that elevates the perception of STATUS for women. If it were me - that's where I would want to go. It's useless to try to out-aggressive these guys, so I would see if I could induce a perception of her being rightfully/deservingly in a superior position.

 

Geena - I do hope you keep us updated on how things go for her! Let her know we are sending her good wishes! And it's very nice to see you on the forum again too - you've been missed!

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I agree with PM. I think Dom or Leather would backfire in a big way. I was gonna vote B2 because it works better for me than TeddyBB, but either one. And La Femme is a great choice for the epi.

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I vote for LFM all the way. I've worn it a few times around my director who is older, male and he seems to go out of his way to treat me like an equal.

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Damn, I'm glad I read this thread... While not in the SAME place as your friend, I'm thinking my phero approach to the geeky world of men here might be better served with TeddyBB. I really DO need to be 'one of the guys' here @work.

 

My hat is off to your friend as well, in admiration for what she's managing to do. Great of you to try to do what you can to help her struggle! I hope it works for her -I'd love to hear an update as to what she tries, if she does.

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Geena, I think Mara is spot-on with the pheros, and the order in which to try them! Gods. DO keep us updated on your friend. My skin just *crawls* thinking about what she has to put up with to pursue her career. Don't get me started on sexual/orientation prejudice. Grrr. Tell her she's AMAZING, okay? We're rootin' for her!!! :heart:

Edited by ElizabethOSP

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I'll just give a thought on using Open Windows. In situations where I'm dealing with people that have a superiority complex, I find that the upbeat friendly socials tend to backfire in a BIG way, probably because they feel even MORE comfortable acting like tools. If I use est. heavy blends with patronizing men it makes them even more insufferable. The B2/TeddyBB bends are excellent around men, for me. They garner adoration, but take away the sexual factor. I find I get treated like their favorite sports hero, for lack of a better example.

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Geena, I think Mara is spot-on with the pheros, and the order in which to try them! Gods. DO keep us updated on your friend. My skin just *crawls* thinking about what she has to put up with to pursue her career. Don't get me started on sexual/orientation prejudice. Grrr. Tell her she's AMAZING, okay? We're rootin' for her!!! :heart:

 

:yeahthat: I sooo agree with this...and what Lynne said is sadly true and not gonna change for a few generations,at least :(

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Yeh..when people were recommending Leather and Dominance, I was thinking...nahhhh. I personally can not use either of them. Those 2 pheros make me feel aggressive and bitchy. Even kinda rage-y. I was really surprised by how they affected me. I definitely am a bit dominant naturally and I didn't think either of these pheros brought out any of my womanly wiles. I also found I pissed off men wearing it. I think she would have the same experience..probably even worse. She already is considered a bitch by the guys, she's a spitfire and is not afraid to get in guys' faces. But again, it's not that she is a bitch. She just sort of treats men like they treat each other. She most definitely isn't a bitch to women--she is wonderful and quite sweet! You just have to be extra tough when working with aggressive rutting men like she does.

I am going have her try Teddy BB. I might get a sample from somebody I am swapping with. If I do, I'll give it to her. I really like LFM. It's one of my new fave pheros. I'll let her try that too. Maybe we will test each for a week and do a science project. :)

 

Thanks so much for the warm welcome back, Mara!

 

My friend is really amazing and it takes quite a backbone to take on what she does and work in the environment she does. I'll keep you updated on how operation Phero The Po-po goes. Thanks for all the feedback! :)

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If LFM has a "queen bee" aura can other women resent you. Especially alpha women?

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I'm truly not envious of the position your friend is it. I faced that in my first job which was in a high profile function of a male dominated industry.

 

 

 

Good point JOC!!!

 

ETA: Also, believe it or not, I find Perfect Match tames my coworkers too, though i would try the others first.

 

I tend to lean towards adding a little cops as i like to soften the effects a little by reminding people that "hey, she's a woman and a veery confident woman/mother .... " kind of feel instead of the " hey, hey, she's such a sexy woman and a MILF". After all, I am a cops-ho!!

 

 

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I'll just give a thought on using Open Windows. In situations where I'm dealing with people that have a superiority complex, I find that the upbeat friendly socials tend to backfire in a BIG way, probably because they feel even MORE comfortable acting like tools. If I use est. heavy blends with patronizing men it makes them even more insufferable. The B2/TeddyBB bends are excellent around men, for me. They garner adoration, but take away the sexual factor. I find I get treated like their favorite sports hero, for lack of a better example.

 

I am so glad I stumbled on this post - it explains the last two weekends completely with regards to OW and the husband. Okay maybe me too LOL

 

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SWS for respect both up and down. B2 for respect upward. Mara knows better but I wonder if Teddy would be TOO mellowing, more than b2, and that would trigger the assholes above her to resist it ?

 

I wish her boss lifetime oozing painful flaming anal warts.

 

ETA lol just realized this is an old thread. My sentiments remain the same.

Edited by tyvey

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Hey, so what's the update on the sitch? What worked and what didn't?

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Hey, so what's the update on the sitch? What worked and what didn't?

Geena doesn't post much sweety.

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If she can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen.

 

A police force is institutionalize physical violence - femininity has little place except in providing solice for the victims. Police that can't use violence will soon offer no protection at all.

 

She'll have to go Super-Butch and out-guy-the-guys (including the bad guys) if she wants to advance up the hierarchy.

 

Using A-none and A-rone would help - and showing no fear.

 

Here's an interesting piece on why lesbians aren't gay.

 

http://www.isteve.com/lesvsgay.htm

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If she can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen.

 

A police force is institutionalize physical violence - femininity has little place except in providing solice for the victims. Police that can't use violence will soon offer no protection at all.

 

She'll have to go Super-Butch and out-guy-the-guys (including the bad guys) if she wants to advance up the hierarchy.

 

Using A-none and A-rone would help - and showing no fear.

 

Here's an interesting piece on why lesbians aren't gay.

 

http://www.isteve.com/lesvsgay.htm

Hmmm, I respectfully disagree with you on your opinion about femininity having little place in the police force. Not sure about what your opinion of femininity is, but I feel that true femininity is about flexible strength, masculinity tends to be more rigid. ANY officer that can handle getting tazed, shot at, attacked, etc. deserves the respect of their fellow officers.

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^^^ This! I am friends with a number of cops at my work. One of them is the loveliest young lady, an absolute sweetheart, girly-girl, and probably one of our best cops, period. Made sergeant in less than a year and cop of the year even before that.

 

Besides, there is no excuse ever for anyone's coworkers to disrespect them on the job. You can not like someone and still behave appropriately, and from what I gathered, these folks were not.

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The female police officers I know seem more likely to come up with non-violent solutions to problems if given the chance. This includes not responding with an arrest or violence if they feel their authority is being questioned.

 

At the same time, I saw a study a few years back that said female police officers are more likely to be attacked as violent male offenders feel they can take them on physically because they are women (perceived size/strength differential) or because they do not feel they should have to obey a woman. The study also indicated female police officers were more likely to use potentailly lethal force (ie their service weapon in lieu of a baton or taser) in those situations given the size and strength differentials between most men and women. I will caveat this last statement with while the study was vetted as solid at the time, I have not followed it since.

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Ugh, I change my vote to Dominance. that other stuff might be too soft for these punks.

 

That is my vote as well, Dom rocks

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If she can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen.

 

A police force is institutionalize physical violence - femininity has little place except in providing solice for the victims. Police that can't use violence will soon offer no protection at all.

 

She'll have to go Super-Butch and out-guy-the-guys (including the bad guys) if she wants to advance up the hierarchy.

 

Using A-none and A-rone would help - and showing no fear.

 

Here's an interesting piece on why lesbians aren't gay.

 

http://www.isteve.com/lesvsgay.htm

 

I'm not a police officer or a gay lesbian, I could never be any of those, too much pressure, and I think we can all agree that I should not have access to guns. Not because I am violent, but because I will not hesitate to put someone in their place when they are out of line- and I am no butch. I've made 3 men cry in my life because you know what, they were texting and driving and that is against the law.

 

And what clown wrote that article? There are plenty of pretty lesbians. Hasn't he seen the Real L World on Sho time? That article is sooo 90s.

Oh you know what maybe he thought that there were a bunch of lesbians running around in flannel shirts - but no that was the style back then

They weren't lesbians, it was Grunge.

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They weren't lesbians, it was Grunge.

 

Lol.

 

I had a friend of mine who had very fluid sexual practices, and after trying to date a very butch lady, she said she just couldn't do it. The butch lady spent too much time crying in the bathroom.

 

Everyone should be very wary of labels, especially since, once affixed, it's hard to understand that people are a lot more fluid with their spots in life. Sometimes I'm probably the biggest outward dyke ever (fashionably and with attitude), and other times I'm a very pretty, pretty princess who may or may not love all the people around her. I think if you're not heterosexual, or you look like you're not heterosexual, it's a lot harder to slip the labels.

 

That the original poster is a lesbian doesn't really matter except to say that she's not looking for male sexual attention (although that's not a given. I certainly don't mind working my feminine wiles to help grease the wheels with men I would likely have nothing to do with socially or romantically-- it's an unfair world and I'm going to grab the slight benefits of men's fixation on boobs and booty. Would I rather walk around in a world where I'm not having to be on the lookout for rape and trade in those slight benefits? you betcha!) I just figured that in the OP's spot, she may or may not be out-- if she's out, and in a rather conservative good ol' boys type scenario (even if it's a blue collar feel rather than a white collar country club one) she probably has a different set of hurdles to have the various members of the PD hierarchy take her seriously.

 

I wasn't quite sure about that link and what the poster was trying to get across. I could only scan it briefly, but decided to look at it when I had more time and inclination. I would be interested to hear the poster's viewpoint on what he got out of that link and why he posted it in relation to the OP's work circumstances.

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"There are plenty of pretty lesbians. Hasn't he seen the Real L World on Sho time?" - You're making a joke, no? Of course there are some pretty lesbians, just not many since they generally don't try much to be visually attractive to men. Don't watch much TV and will almost never base my factual store of knowledge on a situation comedy on TV. I live in the San Francisco Bay Area so plenty of real world examples before me - come on down and I'll take you to some dyke bars in SF although I won't be welcome to stay long.

 

"There is no excuse ever for anyone's coworkers to disrespect them on the job." - Of course there is! For example, if they demanded and got the job through politics (affirmative action) and then couldn't do it - and YOUR life depended on them doing it compentently. That's not an "excuse", that's self-preservation. Or consider a newborn ward in a hospital - would you respect the nurse who was always ignoring, or worst, dropping babies or the bridge engineer whose bridges cost too much and sometimes fell down?

 

My bottom line is that if a any woman wants respect on a police force, she needs to display the values of the police force. She'll make a better impression with some rough 'n tough pheromones but ultimately she has to walk the walk. Police organizations are the way they are for a reason and you change the values at society's peril. As I noted, there is some place for offering comfort to the victims of crime but that's not the prime function of the police.

 

The link is, I think, a very perceptive summary of gay and lesbian behaviors and their contrasts and almost all rang true in my experience. The fashion summary may indeed be a bit dated but there is a signaling function being served. Ever hear of "gaydar?" If today's signal is not plaid, there will be something else and it will change over time.

 

A significant fact is that the Department of Defense has expelled many more lesbians than gays from the military since the 1990s under "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." Lesbians are the ones clamoring for command in the physical violence departments of government - look at Janet Napolitano. The science of homosexuality is still full of unsolved questions.

 

So a poster wrote for advice and I gave it my best shot based on my knowledge of science, society, and pheromones - so shoot me.

Edited by Whitehall

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Yes but this thread is nearly a year old and that poster isn't actually active anymore, so you're going to receive response based on those who are who might not agree with you. Just because your response wasn't validated doesn't mean there was any hostility implied.

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