Help Wanted: How do I effectively use what UNs I have available

[LoveStruck]

I really need some advice from the vets here. I have a passive/aggressive insincere meddling MIL staying IN my home for the next several weeks. She has proven herself lately to be conniving and manipulative not only with her son (my HB) but also undermining ME in my own home with my two sons (long story - intrested parties should check out TBP thread). I need to bring out the big guns, but I have not been trained properly. That's how this desperate post came to be.

I have Leather in RB/Oil. I also have some of Mara's smaller spray bottles from AF and some perfumer's alcohol. Should I mix some of my Leather UN and make it a spray to diffuse better when I'm around her? Last night I tried to wear my S&V with Dom but honestly the scent was too much for me - and if I use just a little I don't think I'm getting the benefit of the Dom I need. Does that make sense? Should I convert my S&V to a spray as well? Would that help the DOM go farther?

I also have LFN in both UN/RB and a scent I like, but if she is overbearing and controlling right now, wouldn't Leather be more appropriate for me? Are the EFX solely for ME or will diffusing them better help to back HER down?

I have OW (RB), TH (spray) and H&S(spray) too, but I have no desire to bond with this woman and I can't fake that - at least right now. I also have MLH which I do like for getting my boy's attention, but I don't want them suddenly become HER little helpers now either.

I hesitate to mix phero blends in an attempt to get the varied EFX I'd like, because it seems like more is actually less if you don't know what you're doing. I've been diligent about reading in the Phero section of the boards; it is immensely helpful but I'd be a fool to believe I actually understand it all yet. Plus, I am operating in a panic/anger mode so my judgment is skewed. That's why any food for thought from you all is greatly appreciated. TY

Edited June 7, 2014 by LoveStruck55

[TheBirkeys]

I can't wear a lot of perfumes around my dad because he has problems breathing. I usually use a light dose of my perfumes with phreros (conserves them also) and supplement with UNs. I would say around your mother in law either H&S or OW because your goal is to make her feel more relaxed around you (and you around her) and not perceive you as such a threat as some mens' mothers do. So, pheros are for oneself and also the person around them. I would not use anything with copulins because that might cause her to react more negatively.

 

The best advice I can give you in dealing with MILs is to just go with the flow as best you can. Let her do her thing and baby her son and have a little control while she is there because she probably misses that..lol The better things go with her..the better things will go with your man and you will be happy! I may sound old fashioned, but that is what I have done. I don't know how she is specifically, but most mothers just need to feel needed and able to help out when their son leaves the nest...any pheros you apply on yourself..she will be affected by when in your vicinity..

[Dolly]

Putting the S & V and/or Leather in a spray will help it go further, BUT....some women get bitchy with the dominant vibe (Dom/Leather) and/or cops (LFN & HS)....I would more likely try the T & H or OW with her. Even though you are not looking to bond with her, it should help to make a more peaceful vibe in the household.

 

OW should lift your mood as well, should you go that route.

Edited June 8, 2014 by Dolly

[StacyK]

I really need some advice from the vets here. I have a passive/aggressive insincere meddling MIL staying IN my home for the next several weeks. She has proven herself lately to be conniving and manipulative not only with her son (my HB) but also undermining ME in my own home with my two sons (long story - intrested parties should check out TBP thread). I need to bring out the big guns, but I have not been trained properly. That's how this desperate post came to be.

I have Leather in RB/Oil. I also have some of Mara's smaller spray bottles from AF and some perfumer's alcohol. Should I mix some of my Leather UN and make it a spray to diffuse better when I'm around her? Last night I tried to wear my S&V with Dom but honestly the scent was too much for me - and if I use just a little I don't think I'm getting the benefit of the Dom I need. Does that make sense? Should I convert my S&V to a spray as well? Would that help the DOM go farther?

I also have LFN in both UN/RB and a scent I like, but if she is overbearing and controlling right now, wouldn't Leather be more appropriate for me? Are the EFX solely for ME or will diffusing them better help to back HER down?

I have OW (RB), TH (spray) and H&S(spray) too, but I have no desire to bond with this woman and I can't fake that - at least right now. I also have MLH which I do like for getting my boy's attention, but I don't want them suddenly become HER little helpers now either.

I hesitate to mix phero blends in an attempt to get the varied EFX I'd like, because it seems like more is actually less if you don't know what you're doing. I've been diligent about reading in the Phero section of the boards; it is immensely helpful but I'd be a fool to believe I actually understand it all yet. Plus, I am operating in a panic/anger mode so my judgment is skewed. That's why any food for thought from you all is greatly appreciated. TY

I'd use TH or Leather. some women, and IME older women can be worse in this case. EST blends are not great for them. LFM or N might get you a bitchy response, given she clearly needs no extra motivation. I'm so sorry btw. I know a bit if what your going through. Hang in there.

Leather is ok, the dominant phero mix is helpful balancing the EST.

And of course TH. My personal nickname for Treasured Hearts is "The Old Bitch Tamer"!

[LoveStruck]

Thanks everyone. If she'd 'baby' my HB her 'real' son, I'd be understanding and tolerate that; it's her crossing the line with my 18 year old - even my HB is having a problem with her trying to be his "mother" now instead of grandmother. We are trying to parent here; she's had her turn (don't even get me started on THAT). I'm not, by any stretch of the imagination "anti-MILs". I have been a doting DIL to her for nearly 20 years. Treated her like a mom, trusted her like a mom. Only when I accidentally witnessed her backstabbing me to her REAL daughter, did I realize I was in fact the fool. So it's the 'ol "fool me once" thing...

 

I really want her to back off/back down. I want her to feel my authority in MY house. She acts like this is her SON's house (today she even referred to it as "my son's house" to her friends, in front of me). I built this house in 1996. My career paid for it. My husband was barely pulling in enough to pay the light bill at the time. Yes, I know it's family dynamics and I am just now seeing her true colors. I take people at face value; I'm not necessarily gullible, but it may take me awhile to figure out their agenda. If indeed someone lacks integrity, I think that reveals itself eventually. That's what's happened here. Underneath my anger and resentment is a lot of hurt and betrayal.

 

I have used TH around her (last Easter as many of you remember THAT rant) and it was great - arm's length socializing... I was severly outnumbered by the ILs though. She is an incessant talker - talks without periods (I'm not joking) and rarely lets anyone else in the conversation for long. I don't want to wear ANY phero that will encourage her to talk MORE. That may send me to jail.

 

Dolly I have followed a lot of your posts and I knew you'd be the one to clarify DOM for me -thank you so much.

 

Again - I appreciate all the input after my cry for help. I'm going to print your responses Birkey, StacyK and Dolly - and re-read them several times as I try to figure this one out. :hearts0425:TY!

Edited June 8, 2014 by LoveStruck55

[StacyK]

I say make her an extra strong drink and hope she passes out :loll: I think everyone else would be happy!

[vladmyra]

Hey Lovestruck, sounds like you might want to get some Swimming with Sharks for future MIL encounters. Because it's got the respect vibe without the dominant edge it might be a good way to tame the wild and wicked beast!

[LoveStruck]

Hey Lovestruck, sounds like you might want to get some Swimming with Sharks for future MIL encounters. Because it's got the respect vibe without the dominant edge it might be a good way to tame the wild and wicked beast!

As a matter of fact I was thinking of trying that tomorrow! Maybe it will help me get a word in edgewise. The woman can talk the paint off a wall.

[vladmyra]

Let us know how it works for you (and good luck, lol).

[dolphindolls2]

If you get a chance pick up some SS4W. This blend always makes others around me nice.

[LoveStruck]

If you get a chance pick up some SS4W. This blend always makes others around me nice.

i have it in MRF...

[StacyK]

TH, seems to mellow out Crones everywhere. MLH or Leather may help too.

 

I suggest that if this is very important to you, you should consider G2 and Dom. Dom & Leather will usually make people go along with you or at least gets them to back off. G2 is another great female to female social.

 

Being she's such a mega bitch I say avoid cops and the LFM/N.

[Rose Blackthorn]

I wonder... would Empathy Potion help?

[LoveStruck]

I wonder... would Empathy Potion help?

You know Rose I hadn't thought about that one yet. I know I read up on EP a lot before now. I remember wondering if EP might make me too soft (and I'm a softy to begin with - the way I rant here you would never know it, but I am not a real good Bi-atch for long. I think it must be my Catholic guilt upbringing, LOL)

 

The sad part is, I "bonded" with this woman many MANY times over the past 19 years - I foolishly thought she surely thought of me like a daughter. I've heard her criticize and demonize my brother- in- law (married to her daughter for 20+ years). It was always in the back of my mind that she might be doing the same to me (anyone NOT her flesh & blood is below her and certainly not good enough for her offspring). I have catered to her, listened and supported her even when her own son (my HB), daughter and my late father-in-law would not listen to or try to empathize with her. I should have followed my gut... I realized earlier this year (both in reading something she wrote and overhearing her conversations regarding me on 2 separate occasions) that I am nothing more than a necessary 'evil' (i.e. if she wants to see her son or grandchildren - EVER) that she has had to "tolerate" since her son "decided" on me (her words exactly - put the knife in my gut and twist it). I probably should have confronted her the first time she started saying that crap (on the phone with her daughter) when she didn't realize I was actually home. I was so completely devastated and in shock that my grief over the matter has morphed into full-blown "I'll never trust you again" anger. I'm sorry, but that's what the forum sees. Sadly I have no desire to go down that road again. I know I must sound like a terrible person (forgive but never forget). I'm not mean to her by any stretch of the imagination - but I want her to sense (here's where the wishful phero-thinking comes in) that she doesn't have me completely fooled any longer. And, perhaps more importantly, she can pose as a self-made matriarch but this is MY house, MY rules, MY reign.

 

THANK YOU Rose You are always so genuine and thoughtful with your posts. Always been a warm fuzzy for me in these forums!

Edited June 10, 2014 by LoveStruck55

[halo0073]

TH, seems to mellow out Crones everywhere. MLH or Leather may help too.

 

I suggest that if this is very important to you, you should consider G2 and Dom. Dom & Leather will usually make people go along with you or at least gets them to back off. G2 is another great female to female social.

 

 

Being she's such a mega bitch I say avoid cops and the LFM/N.

There are no cops in LFM. I still say try Leather. SWS would be good too. I would skip the Empathy Potion as it could affect you the wrong way. LFM would be good too as it garners respect due to the epi.

[LoveStruck]

There are no cops in LFM. I still say try Leather. SWS would be good too. I would skip the Empathy Potion as it could affect you the wrong way. LFM would be good too as it garners respect due to the epi.

You rock BBLP.

[StacyK]

There are no cops in LFM. I still say try Leather. SWS would be good too. I would skip the Empathy Potion as it could affect you the wrong way. LFM would be good too as it garners respect due to the epi.

Did that look wrong?

I wasn't saying there were cops in LFM. I was just saying I'd avoid cops and the other two.

 

yea I agree with Halo I'd caution against the Empathy Potion. I would not want any phero that would cause me to feel empathy or vulnerable around such a vituperative individual.

 

I don't think you can change such a person. Just find a way to get along while she's around which hopefully is not often. I was in a very similar situation. I used to rationalize her behavior ect. Well she was brought up this way ect... but truth be told, what a bitch.

Edited June 11, 2014 by StacyK

[LoveStruck]

Did that look wrong?

I wasn't saying there were cops in LFM. I was just saying I'd avoid cops and the other two.

 

yea I agree with Halo I'd caution against the Empathy Potion. I would not want any phero that would cause me to feel empathy or vulnerable around such a vituperative individual.

 

I don't think you can change such a person. Just find a way to get along while she's around which hopefully is not often. I was in a very similar situation. I used to rationalize her behavior ect. Well she was brought up this way ect... but truth be told, what a bitch.

Yup. And when you call them the least bit on their behavior they become victimized. This happened tonight. I finally had enough about 930p and called her on something she constantly bitched about. Offered several solutions - she shot down every one and looked amazingly stupid doing so. Crystal clear to everyone around that she doesn't want to do anything different she wants to play the victim and get the sympathy. She shut down after that - very quiet (in 19 years I've never seen this) I think it shocked her. Now she's acting all pouty and hurt. I too, thought "that's just how she is and she IS the grandmother so I should respect her". Nope. I got nuthin' to lose.

 

SWS and Ambrosial Summer sealed that deal tonight. I was quite "professional" in my approach all day - I touched up the SWS about 7pm. I didn't attack her, but I did speak up and was a great cross-examiner if I say so myself. Maybe for the first time she realizes she may be the 'boss' of her son, but I'm not a gift with purchase. GO BITCHES GO. Yay us.

[vladmyra]

Yay LoveStruck! Good for you. I thought SWS might work. Sounds like you not only got the upper hand here, but that others can now start to see her for what she is too. Actually, she sounds like she has narcissistic personality disorder. That is not the sort of creature you want to have living in your house. Have you tried dousing her with water? With any luck she'd melt into a puddle of green goo. When she goes you should hang a horseshoe over the door to keep evil away- then hopefully she'll just start to burn or crumble next time she tries to enter, lol.

[StacyK]

Yup. And when you call them the least bit on their behavior they become victimized. This happened tonight. I finally had enough about 930p and called her on something she constantly bitched about. Offered several solutions - she shot down every one and looked amazingly stupid doing so. Crystal clear to everyone around that she doesn't want to do anything different she wants to play the victim and get the sympathy. She shut down after that - very quiet (in 19 years I've never seen this) I think it shocked her. Now she's acting all pouty and hurt. I too, thought "that's just how she is and she IS the grandmother so I should respect her". Nope. I got nuthin' to lose.

 

SWS and Ambrosial Summer sealed that deal tonight. I was quite "professional" in my approach all day - I touched up the SWS about 7pm. I didn't attack her, but I did speak up and was a great cross-examiner if I say so myself. Maybe for the first time she realizes she may be the 'boss' of her son, but I'm not a gift with purchase. GO BITCHES GO. Yay us.

Wow! glad it worked out ok. So we can all add SWS to the famy arsenal! Glad I have it here in a few scents.

I really don't need it with my close famy but with the ex and such, good to know. I used Dom (THANKS DOLLY!) as a BS sheild against my ex during my daughters bday. Everything went great, we got on ok, I was able to run the party smoothly ect and when he left lol... he reached his arms out and I just stood there, I though he was reaching for the kids, I wasn't really paying attention, but he was giving me a hug... I just laughed and did a quick release hug... bye ect.

 

I had always been afraid that Dom would cause more conflict but the exact opposite was true. SWS with be the next thing I wear around him, need to try that. Since everything feels like a negotiation with him anyway. God I can't believe I used to live like that everyday. Freedom!!!

[Beccah]

Putting the S & V and/or Leather in a spray will help it go further, BUT....some women get bitchy with the dominant vibe (Dom/Leather) and/or cops (LFN & HS)....I would more likely try the T & H or OW with her. Even though you are not looking to bond with her, it should help to make a more peaceful vibe in the household.

 

OW should lift your mood as well, should you go that route.

I second AND third Dolly! In my experience; TH, OW, B2, & G2 were the only blends that worked on my ex-MIL. TH isn't going to force a bond if there's not one to be had, but it sure does make (forced) family time spent together much more peaceful. Open Windows tends to work on everybody, it worked & it worked consistently on my estranged (drug addict) husband

[LoveStruck]

I second AND third Dolly! In my experience; TH, OW, B2, & G2 were the only blends that worked on my ex-MIL. TH isn't going to force a bond if there's not one to be had, but it sure does make (forced) family time spent together much more peaceful. Open Windows tends to work on everybody, it worked & it worked consistently on my estranged (drug addict) husband

Beccah I have thought of you many times as I've dealt with my MIL...you have a doozy of your own (Ex)