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Frida's Lotus

help help, its TIME-- Another date question ARGH! LAM, BI or Bang?!

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Hi all

Fourth date with guy that I really get on with-- we've talked way too much and now its time to actually get physical which he is apparently terrified of (last girlfriend had some real problems and was abusive/crazy) and he's admitted to me that the physical side scares him as much as he loves it because he knows if we click in that way then it's all on. SO..... I've been doing Gotcha up until now. We've only held hands, nothing else.

 

Suggestions for taking it to this next phase? This will be date number 4 and I feel like if something physical doesn't happen soon we're going to FriendZone FAST. We're both overthinking it way too much given our unique and scary histories..

 

 

Help?!

I have most Un pheros in the arsenal-- any suggestions?!

 

 

Thanks so much!

 

FL

Edited by Frida's Lotus

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I haven't tried BI myself but i think cutie.pie's suggestion is a good one. And i think i'd add some OCCO too.

 

I think though that the most important thing is to stop overthinking about it. Just try to relax enjoy each other's company, have a glass of wine or two and one thing will lead to the other ...

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Ephoebe makes a good point: if you let try not to worry about this for a bit and wait for things to happen at their own pace maybe you can both stop (over)thinking into a stalemate, which you say make it clear is a concern of yours. If he's terrified of getting physical and has been brave enough to tell you then I suggest you really push yourself to be patent. Let him take the time he needs to feel safe and ready. If you want to use some pheros to help move his mind in that direction then why not? But still, it sounds like he really needs you to move slowly and incrementally. I'm speaking from experience and I know this can be frustrating. I am involved with a man who is just utterly wonderful but in the early days, while we could talk for hours, he was afraid to do much more than hug. It turned out to be a long wait that relaxed by increments but it was worth it and I felt good about respecting his needs and boundaries. Guys can need as much patience and time to feel right about moving to the next level as we generally expect men to give to women.

 

Have you tried adding cops to the Gotcha! you're already wearing to stick with a consistent phero signature? If you want to change tack BI is the obvious choice, but I would be a tad concerned about the Enone. If he is anxious about the physical side then perhaps the more in-your-face sexual pheros will put him off. What about Sexology? If he has responded to Gotcha! he's probably not afraid of Est. The B-nol will keep up that feeling of bonding that is in Gotcha! and has been building in your interactions already. Sexology also has plenty of cops and I have had great results with it. You might have it UN but I happen to love the scented version.

 

Good luck!

Edited by donsie

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I would suggest that you stick with the Gotcha for now, since he is getting used to that phero signature. To switch up now would potentially freak him out and possibly scare him off since he is so gun-shy. You COULD add some cops, like with an OCCO.....but I would be careful with rushing it too much, based on his issues.

Edited by Dolly

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I'm gonna strongly suggest you not use BI because you said he's freaked out right now. BI might be a little aggressive for him if that's the case. Heck, BI on me can be a little too aggressive for my guy sometimes, and we've been together a year! I'm in agreement with the others: stick with the Gotcha. You know it works. But wear it with some extra cops to swing it towards the sexy.

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Ignore my suggestion! Dolly and BlueBear are right, stick with Gotcha, cause like Dolly said, he is getting used to that phero blend signature :)

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I do know anything about the effects of the different female mixes, but I would say that if he is already skittish about the sexual part, stick with the pheromone signature he is used to and comfortable with.

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I would suggest that you stick with the Gotcha for now, since he is getting used to that phero signature. To switch up now would potentially freak him out and possibly scare him off since he is so gun-shy. You COULD add some cops, like with an OCCO.....but I would be careful with rushing it too much, based on his issues.

It's funny I was thinking Gotcha as I read your post. For basically all the reasons Dolly, QG & Blue Bear stated.

If he is that gun shy then I'd use something intimate but comforting. Gotcha just fits this bill.

It will encourage bonding and it's a powerfull attractant. It would be a better choice than the "harder" 'none blends" which, given the circumstances might cause unnecessary pressure. IMO

eta: don't worry I'm sure once the two of you take time and build trust the 'noney stuff will have it's place.

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