How to make him talk

[Cycle Kitten]

Wow what an ordeal. Kudos to you for being such a calm and loving caregiver. I don't have a medical degree so I certainly can't say this with any certainty but it sounds to me like he has bipolar with psychosis. What you are describing is beyond regular BP. Of course everyone is different and has different circumstances so nobody can say anything for sure. It's too bad he won't consider medication. I think an anti psychotic would do wonders for him. Even patients without psychosis benefit from them. They sound scary but basically are just a mood stabilizer and rage reducer. I'm glad you get a break now though I'm sure it's worrisome being away from him. Prayers for both him and you and your poor sweet tough FIL.

Thanks Halo, you're a doll, I do need to start up a convo with you about your experience. In talking with his boss there was some debate about his reluctance to meds, they stated that he wasn't always that way and it's uncertain when that became such an issue. I felt so bad for him yesterday, but also wanted to choke him. I saw myself, years ago, in him. It was so traumatic being in the waiting room.

 

I've only been able to drive myself to a doctor the last few years. My husband had always had to drive me with close to a bottle of wine and a Valium in me. I suffered from white coat phobia most of my adult life and had panic attacks if in the waiting room more than three minutes. But I can plainly detail why I was that way, having some really bad medical experiences since childhood.

These last two weeks we ( the BF and I) have run the gamut of weepy eyed, heart felt, "I love you" to having him beg me to put a pillow over his face. Mixed with a lot of hostility, mean comments, and child like tantrums, and desperate crying. A roller coaster ride I would wish on no one.

My FIL is a pistol, everyone at the hospital and care facility love him, he is the kind of man who makes you realize that you are truly blessed and gives you hope. I couldn't have two more opposing people in my life.

[johnsonlisa90012]

CK, I hope you get some much needed rest. Like on an airplane....give yourself oxygen first so you can then help others. Thinking of you.

[IndieAna]

Omg, CK. You are so strong to have dealt with all of this. Remember to take care of yourself (((hugs)))

[cheeseburger79]

Hey CK. Just wanted to wish you the best. You and everyone involved. A little distance could be a good thing right now. And counseling for you might really help with that weight your carrying. It's helped me. Good luck and God bless.

[brookejones]

CK...I am just catching up here! And wow....biggest hugs to you dear! I think it is safe to say that you are the biggest blessing in this man's life. And he gets it..he just doesn't know how to show it properly. It looks like his affection and love for you manifests in all the wrong ways and all of the negative is most likely based on his fear of losing you. I am really sad for him.

 

I don't have much to add here except to say that I think it is going to be very hard for him to seek any counseling or treatment. As a counselor...and even though my experience is generally limited to dealing with teenagers and their parents...I have found that it is extremely hard for men to participate in counseling. There is some stigma out there that makes them think they will be perceived as weak or less masculine if they do so. When you add in his age...where that generation is fairly stoic and believes in handling your problems yourself...that makes the likelihood of him seeking help even more slim. As I am from the South...which seems like the hyper-masculinity hotspot of the earth...it just isn't seen as a strong manly thing to do. I am not trying to generalize or stereotype at all...this is what I have dealt with personally. I am sure there are exceptions, but in my experience the majority think this way.

 

With that being said, you have done all that you can. I admire your selfless attitude toward him and I sure wish I could be more like that. Just make sure that you take care of you first. Don't put his wellness above your own or let your life suffer in any way because of his situation. I think this is one situation that is what it is. And sometimes you have to love others as much as they will allow you to..that is all you can do.

 

Love you dear! I am sending prayers his way...but more your way! Xoxo