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Wow. I'm trying to keep my understanding in tact and my lips sealed. I'm just going to focus on you CK.

You're doing great. As he heals you need to gently set boundaries for his behavior. It's perfectly ok to set standards. He's an adult.

 

I'm here right now, catching up with my mom who just had a mini stroke.

She's complaining that she doesn't want to go on a blood thinner as that requires she'll have constant blood draws. I get it. But, its life and she's damn lucky to be alive (again).

Time to set priorities.

 

 

Once the ordeal is over, I think you and hubby need to have a talk about the future. Who's in, who's out. I'm worried that this whole situation could prove costly to you.

You are a great charitable person. But, ultimately people have to choose to heal. :heart:

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Holy moly CK! Just catching up here... So much going on in your life, you must be stressed to the hilt! I'm not even sure what to say, other than I truly hope you're taking care of *yourself* through all of this, too, and that I hope things ease up significantly for you in the very near future. :Hug_emoticon:

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Wow. I'm trying to keep my understanding in tact and my lips sealed. I'm just going to focus on you CK.

You're doing great. As he heals you need to gently set boundaries for his behavior. It's perfectly ok to set standards. He's an adult.

I'm here right now, catching up with my mom who just had a mini stroke.

She's complaining that she doesn't want to go on a blood thinner as that requires she'll have constant blood draws. I get it. But, its life and she's damn lucky to be alive (again).

Time to set priorities.

Once the ordeal is over, I think you and hubby need to have a talk about the future. Who's in, who's out. I'm worried that this whole situation could prove costly to you.

You are a great charitable person. But, ultimately people have to choose to heal. :heart:

It's ok, you can let it rip. There are not a lot of people out there who would be compassionate toward a happily married woman with a supposedly bipolar BF. Honestly the world would be a much better place if more people were as supportive as those found here. I'm considering counseling myself being that I have insurance and the ability to do so. I don't feel as though it's neccessary but understand that it could be beneficial. It's been a very trying couple of weeks on infinite levels. I've been able to stand my ground, take the verbal abuse, because that's what it was, provide the care that was required, and have managed not to fall into crying through the experience. Which is a monumental win for me.

I found it frustrating and sad that his sister, who was so supportive and sincere at the hospital, was very F him, he needs to grow up today. She talked with me over lunch about how their father totally messed him up and how much she can't stand his ex, she knows that he is ill. I guess once the threat of losing someone is over sympathies are lost.

I'm home and need to focus on my own life and deal with others I care for. At this point my semi, perhaps permanent, retirement from touring/ performing will not financially support me going to him so I can only provide love and concern from a distance. I'm veiwing the circumstances as a good thing.

Every moment of life is precious, it sometimes weighs very heavily when others don't see the value of every second they are given. I hope your mom gets better and starts to see the blessing she has been given.

Holy moly CK! Just catching up here... So much going on in your life, you must be stressed to the hilt! I'm not even sure what to say, other than I truly hope you're taking care of *yourself* through all of this, too, and that I hope things ease up significantly for you in the very near future. :Hug_emoticon:

Thank you Eggers, I'm doing pretty well. Though full of emotion for the circumstances surrounding me, and concern for those I care about, I am well, healthy, have all my limbs, and I'm grateful for what I have. I know your family is also going through a lot right now and I wish you and yours all the best. Edited by Cycle Kitten
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Wow what an ordeal. Kudos to you for being such a calm and loving caregiver. I don't have a medical degree so I certainly can't say this with any certainty but it sounds to me like he has bipolar with psychosis. What you are describing is beyond regular BP. Of course everyone is different and has different circumstances so nobody can say anything for sure. It's too bad he won't consider medication. I think an anti psychotic would do wonders for him. Even patients without psychosis benefit from them. They sound scary but basically are just a mood stabilizer and rage reducer. I'm glad you get a break now though I'm sure it's worrisome being away from him. Prayers for both him and you and your poor sweet tough FIL.

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Wow what an ordeal. Kudos to you for being such a calm and loving caregiver. I don't have a medical degree so I certainly can't say this with any certainty but it sounds to me like he has bipolar with psychosis. What you are describing is beyond regular BP. Of course everyone is different and has different circumstances so nobody can say anything for sure. It's too bad he won't consider medication. I think an anti psychotic would do wonders for him. Even patients without psychosis benefit from them. They sound scary but basically are just a mood stabilizer and rage reducer. I'm glad you get a break now though I'm sure it's worrisome being away from him. Prayers for both him and you and your poor sweet tough FIL.

Thanks Halo, you're a doll, I do need to start up a convo with you about your experience. In talking with his boss there was some debate about his reluctance to meds, they stated that he wasn't always that way and it's uncertain when that became such an issue. I felt so bad for him yesterday, but also wanted to choke him. I saw myself, years ago, in him. It was so traumatic being in the waiting room.

 

I've only been able to drive myself to a doctor the last few years. My husband had always had to drive me with close to a bottle of wine and a Valium in me. I suffered from white coat phobia most of my adult life and had panic attacks if in the waiting room more than three minutes. But I can plainly detail why I was that way, having some really bad medical experiences since childhood.

These last two weeks we ( the BF and I) have run the gamut of weepy eyed, heart felt, "I love you" to having him beg me to put a pillow over his face. Mixed with a lot of hostility, mean comments, and child like tantrums, and desperate crying. A roller coaster ride I would wish on no one.

My FIL is a pistol, everyone at the hospital and care facility love him, he is the kind of man who makes you realize that you are truly blessed and gives you hope. I couldn't have two more opposing people in my life.

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Hey CK. Just wanted to wish you the best. You and everyone involved. A little distance could be a good thing right now. And counseling for you might really help with that weight your carrying. It's helped me. Good luck and God bless. :)

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CK...I am just catching up here! And wow....biggest hugs to you dear! I think it is safe to say that you are the biggest blessing in this man's life. And he gets it..he just doesn't know how to show it properly. It looks like his affection and love for you manifests in all the wrong ways and all of the negative is most likely based on his fear of losing you. I am really sad for him.

 

I don't have much to add here except to say that I think it is going to be very hard for him to seek any counseling or treatment. As a counselor...and even though my experience is generally limited to dealing with teenagers and their parents...I have found that it is extremely hard for men to participate in counseling. There is some stigma out there that makes them think they will be perceived as weak or less masculine if they do so. When you add in his age...where that generation is fairly stoic and believes in handling your problems yourself...that makes the likelihood of him seeking help even more slim. As I am from the South...which seems like the hyper-masculinity hotspot of the earth...it just isn't seen as a strong manly thing to do. I am not trying to generalize or stereotype at all...this is what I have dealt with personally. I am sure there are exceptions, but in my experience the majority think this way.

 

With that being said, you have done all that you can. I admire your selfless attitude toward him and I sure wish I could be more like that. Just make sure that you take care of you first. Don't put his wellness above your own or let your life suffer in any way because of his situation. I think this is one situation that is what it is. And sometimes you have to love others as much as they will allow you to..that is all you can do.

 

Love you dear! I am sending prayers his way...but more your way! Xoxo

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