Please help me make a good choice

[RosesArePink]

@Eve  😊 Yes, I do like BeeWitched. I have never smelled anything quite like it before. It truly is named correctly! Oh...with cops added it would be irresistible to guys!  Good to know that it’s calming as well as sexy...I am planning to stick with the Lumina & cops for now, but have a Pherotine bottle of UN Lumina so I could use BeeWitched for the next visit. I also just bought OCCO Pink, which I think would work too.  And finally bought a full bottle of LP Pink! 😄

[RosesArePink]

So, I saw Mr. Wonderful yesterday. He was, as always, wonderful. For the meeting, I again used two drops of UN Lumina from the Pherotine bottle. Four sprays of Sneaky Clean w/ Lumina. And some BMM... I intended to go lightly, but it may have been more heavy-handed than last time.

 

Apologies in advance for writing such a long post!

 

Some background information:  I really wasn’t in the right place emotionally to be in a very fun or flirty mood. My cat had a stroke and so I was pretty upset (and really tired). He survived though and seems to doing okay now. Also, Mr. Wonderful’s office was a zoo! Very busy, hectic & loud. That was also throwing me off.

 

When Mr. Wonderful came into the conference room, he smiled at me (he appeared to be in a really great mood - in spite of the chaos going on in his office) and asked how I was doing. So, I told him that my cat gave me a scare & that I’m worried about him. Mr. Wonderful looked into my eyes and softly, gently said, “Oh no, what happened?”. He listened to me and commiserated with me on how these things always (Of course!) happen late at night. He also gave very good, gentle eye contact, which was both nice & reassuring. I maybe should add that Mr. Wonderful is a doctor and knows about this sort of thing.

 

He rather emphatically said that if something like this happens again that I should call him. I do not have his personal phone number nor did he offer it, so, I guess he means call him at the office.

 

We didn’t really even get to talk about the project as he got a call and had to leave. Before leaving, he suggested that I should come back on the Friday after Thanksgiving. It’s actually a holiday at our organization, but he said he was working all day at the (downstairs in his building) Urgent Care clinic that day. He told me to come in the morning because he thought it would be slow at that time.

 

He looked at me with a really worried look, as if he was afraid that I might not agree.  He was nodding his head up and with an exaggerated “yes” head nod and asked, “Are we in agreement?”. He seemed to really want me to come that day, so I told him that yes, I agree.

 

Then he turned to leave, but again turned back around to face me. He stood up tall and puffed his chest out and said in a light tone, “Hey I thought you were also going to drop off some paperwork for the other project?” He added with a smile, “It’s okay, I just thought maybe I was losing it because I thought I remembered you saying you would bring it in today.” He just looked so cute! I smiled at him and told him that he wasn’t losing it - I did say that. Then I told him I called his secretary and made an appointment for Tuesday for the other project. His eyebrows raised up and he smiled. He seemed happy.

 

So, I get to see him twice next week!

 

A part of me is hoping he suggested visiting on Friday because it might be a little more private and easier to talk. During the regular work day there are always meetings and people buzzing (and snooping) around. But I don’t know, maybe he really just wants to talk about the project - we have an upcoming deadline for a revised proposal. 

Edited November 20, 2021 by RosesArePink

[Eve]

@RosesArePink I think that was a very positive reaction.  (I’m pressed for time right now, but wanted to respond). 🙂

[hedgehog]

@RosesArePinkYes, agreed, it's a positive reaction. Especially since he brought up contact  outside of a purely professional setting (calling him about your cat).

 

Another thing I've noticed throughout your posts is how much more relaxed you sound. I can tell you've having a lot of fun with it, which is great!

 

One point of caution - it seems like you really like him and that he's a nice guy, which is great. But if this escalates out of just friendly office flirtation, consider the potential consequences on your career and if it's something you're willing to risk. I've had friends who had situations that started out friendly and escalated into harassment or terrible rumors that tanked their career prospects at that company. Not saying you shouldn't go for it, just a reminder to think about what you might be getting into. Speaking from a place of love, becuase I wouldn't want anyone to go through what my friends did. 💕

[RosesArePink]

@Eve and @hedgehog

 

Thanks for your responses! It seems like it’s moving in the right direction and I am cautiously optimistic, but I know way too often these flirtations can unexpectedly stall out or never move beyond flirting. These type of things do not work out well for me and I mostly just end up with a broken heart. So I am trying to find a balance between being open to possibilities, yet still protecting myself from that potential (inevitable?) heartbreak. Not an easy balance to find! Playing with the pheromones is oddly helpfully. One, I’m trying to look at it all as an experiment. And two, it feels like maybe, just maybe, I have a little extra something it help move things along in my favor (finally). Or, heh, maybe it’s just the Lumina rubbing off on me!

 

Hedgehog, no worries, I understand where you are coming from 💕. It is something to keep in mind, for sure! Though it’s a big organization and there are lots of people here who are dating and/or ended up getting married. It’s not forbidden to date (only if it goes to harassment territory or for a direct supervisor). Rumors, however, are never fun. 😐

 

So, for Tuesday’s meeting I’m planning to stick with Sneaky Clean w/Lumina (and light cops). But for Friday’s meeting I’m thinking about using Heart & Soul w/ some cops. I’m hoping that maybe it would make him open up a little more? And encourage a little bonding?  I was just reading the H&S thread, seems to have potential. I found it worked really well for me the times that I have tried it. Though I’ve never tried it with Mr Wonderful or any other crush.

[Eve]

@RosesArePink  I hope your meetings go well 
 

I do think you might want to set some sort of timeline for yourself as far as how long you want to focus on this guy.  
 

You mentioned you mostly end up with a broken heart when it’s all said and done.  One way (rather than steeling yourself for a let down) is to set that timeline and stick to it.  
 

Move on if he does not make any real move toward knowing you better, rather than letting things drag on until you’re hurt. 

 

Yes, I think you had a positive interaction with him.  But also yes, I think if his comments had moved into “definitely significant” territory, he would have made sure you had a number you could reach him on outside of work.  There’s little doubt he likes you.  That’s a given. But there’s like, and there’s Like.  
 

I’m not saying you are wrong to be encouraged, I’m just saying don’t allow this guy to have an open ended invitation to your heart. 
 

 It’s one thing to work hard to save  an established relationship.  But, establishing the relationship itself shouldn’t take a huge effort on either person’s part. 
 

Life is weird, we can expend so much effort trying to get what we think we want, meanwhile a person who we would find interesting, and be attracted to gets overlooked.  
 

 

 

[RosesArePink]

@Eve

 

Yes, that is good advice. I am trying to look at things differently than in the past. I Really Like him, but who knows if he can feel the same for me. I guess for now, he at least likes me...and that is at least something. Also, it is nice seeing him, so I’m just going to try to have fun with it and not be too attached to having anything more. Oh, I do Really Like him and would like more, but I realize it may not be in the cards. 

 

For today’s meeting, I went with Gossamer Threads w/Heart & Soul plus some OCCO Pink. This definitely brought a different vibe than Lumina! With the H&S the entire meeting was fun, fun and more fun. That surprised me a little bit. Not that it was fun, but just surprised how over the top fun it was. Pretty sure it’s against Company rules to have that much fun at work. Maybe even against the law. In a way though, it was a bit too much and not necessarily the right choice for every meeting. On occasion, yes, but it might be too much all the time.

 

When he came into the conference room, he covertly looked over at me and smiled as if he was really pleased to see me. Oh I think he liked my outfit - I was carefully to chose a flattering one. He was also dressed in a very flattering shirt. He has worn that shirt before and it’s one of my favorites on him.

 

During the meeting, he was mirroring me more and he also sat closer to me and was leaning in close to me. He wasn’t as gooey-eyed as with Lumina, but he still gave lots of good eye contact. I also noticed that he was blushing  (we were wearing masks, but I could see the blush creeping up his face). He had to be getting a pretty good whiff of the pheromones. He was also giggling quite a bit. He would laugh at things I said as if they were the funniest thing ever (trust me, they weren’t). He was also talking more and in a conversational, flirty way. He did the same with Lumina, but with Lumina it seemed more premeditated while with H&S it seemed more spontaneous and at ease.

 

He was serious and gave me a deep concerned look when he asked about his “little buddy” (my cat). He wanted to know if my cat had any more issues...which thankfully he hasn’t. I told him that I was doing everything I could for my cat. He said, “Of course. I know that about you.”

 

He looked like he was deliberating when I should come back for this project. He looked like he wanted to tell me to come back sooner, but he was trying to find a justification to and really couldn’t. He was talking out loud and I’m not sure he really meant to. He decided on two months. I think that was his internal compromise. Really meeting every three or four months would be sufficient for this easier project. Then he giggled and said, “at least I still get to see you monthly for the other project.” Don’t think he meant to say that out loud either! That must be the b-nol in action.

 

When he turned to leave, I stammered something about having a nice Thanksgiving. He softly said, “Oh, where are my manners.” He turned to me, looked at me warmly, and in a heartfelt way said to enjoy your Thanksgiving and see you on Friday.

 

Still trying to decide what to use for Friday’s meeting.

 

Hey, is it time to bring out the Gotcha? I don’t think I have played with it at all yet, but am wearing a little of it today with OCCO Ambrosia. They smell nice together! I’m thinking of trying it for Friday? I wonder how different Gotcha is? 

 

Seems I wrote another book...maybe it will help someone else in the future.

 

Have a nice Thanksgiving! 

 

Edited to add to my book:  I still love Lumina and think it was the right choice at the right time.

 

 

 

Edited November 26, 2021 by RosesArePink

[RosesArePink]

Yesterday I saw Mr. Wonderful again. I wore Gotcha and light OCCO Ambrosia (used less compared to last time). He was different at this meeting and I’m still trying to figure it out. When he first came in, he apologized to me and said he was already having a very busy day at the urgent care clinic. He said that he had hoped/thought it would be quiet at this time of day, but it wasn’t. He also seemed, idk, maybe a bit dazed and not in a very fun/flirty mood.

 

As we talked, he kept looking at me with a very intense look, which is different than normal. He asked  again about my cat and had a particularly intense look. My cat is still doing just fine. I told him about something cute that my cat did and he at least laughed at the story. 

 

So, was he:

 

1. Reacting to the Gotcha?

2. Feeling overwhelmed?

3. Trying to resist the urge to grab me by the hair and take me to the nearest janitor’s closet for a tryst?

4. Feeling embarrassed by being so over the top at the last meeting?

5. Was something else going on that was bothering him?

6. Distracted by work?

7.  Guys are sometimes weird!

 

When it was time to decide on when to meet next, I could see him again having an internal struggle deciding, but this time he didn’t verbalize it (too bad! It’s rather helpful when they tell you what they are actually thinking!). Totally expected him to tell me to come back in a month...and was a little scared that he might say something stupid like three or four months (really, we could probably do most of the project stuff through email or a Zoom meeting. Ssh! Don’t tell anyone!). He really surprised me and told me come back in two weeks! 

 

Also, before leaving, I gave him a compassionate look and told him that I hoped that the rest of his day went okay and wasn’t too stressful. With a surprisingly intimate tone, he said, “Dont worry. It is busy, but it should still be easier than a normal day.” It was the type of tone that one would use with a close family member.

 

Stick with Gotcha for the next meeting? Go back to Lumina? Try something else?

[Eve]

Well, yeah guys can be weird.  Their minds work differently from ours (not weird, but it makes it hard for us to read them until we know them very well).  As a generalization, men tend to compartmentalize, and work on one thing in their mental “box” before moving on to the next thing. 
 

My best guess is he was distracted by work, and think it’s great that he wanted to get together in only a couple of weeks time.  Either phero would be okay, but remember that Mara created Gotcha as an unscented  pheromone  version of her original Love Potion perfume.  I don’t see a downside to using it, but I’m no expert on pheromones. Hopefully others will weigh in. 

[luna65]

Yeah the thing is about Gotcha! is that it is meant to break down inhibitions.  So in certain situations it may mean that the TG feels they have to fight even harder against doing something they believe might be ill-advised.  Like, wearing Gotcha! on a date or at a social gathering might be more successful then wearing it in the workplace.  JMO

[Eve]

@luna65  Thanks!  I’m so out of my comfort zone explaining pheromone blends. I know Gotcha is great for the reasons you stated, but I did not take into consideration the workplace implications. As the TG is a doctor, I’m sure he has to make sure he doesn’t cross over the professional line, especially in today’s climate.  And after thinking about it that way, I’d lean towards Lumina.  @RosesArePink If you guys do see each other outside of work, make darned sure you GOTCHA him though! 
 

 

 

[RosesArePink]

@Eve    and   @luna65

 

Thank you!  Yes, I am leaning towards the distracted by work idea as it really was quite busy. I was really hoping that Gotcha would work it’s magic over the next few meetings. It really sounds like the perfect phero to use for my aims. But, Luna, that’s an interesting point about it potentially backfiring in a work situation. ☹️ I could see where he might be thinking, “Oh noo! This getting out of control! Hit the breaks! Hit the breaks!” 

 

Ah, Eve, I just saw your second post...😄....yes, Gotcha him if I ever can see him out of the work world!

 

Okay, it’s sounding like I should go back to Lumina....though I’m still open to other ideas...and will continue to think about it (and read up!).

 

Edited November 27, 2021 by RosesArePink

[RosesArePink]

The past three or so days have been weird and not so great for me. I found out that my other cat (this is the brother to my cat that had the stroke) has aggressive cancer and may not survive for very long. Still trying to decide what to do about him. 

 

So on Wednesday, I was wearing Heart & Soul (and light cops) because I really needed people to be extra nice to me. It worked well for that. 

 

I also happened to be over at Mr Wonderful’s building for another reason, but decided to see if he was in his office. He was! He saw that I was upset and looked in my eyes and wanted to know what was wrong. I told him about my cat. He turned away and looked really upset. Then he turned to me and with emotionally filled eyes he said “I am so sorry.” He said it felt like being kicked in the teeth and he’s sorry to put it this way, but that it sucks. He told me a story about when he first was out of school and practicing in the middle of no where and dealing with a patient with cancer. He said it really colored his view on chemotherapy and how he doesn’t think it’s worth the extra time. He said if it were his cat, he would not want to put him through that & would want the cat to go with dignity. 

 

This is is the part I am not sure what to think of his response. I told him about a close family member who had died of cancer and how terrible the last month was. He looked at me with an agonizing look and seemed so very upset. He did that thing that frustrated/upset toddlers do, dropping their knees down and he gave a painful howl. Then I felt bad for telling him because I didn’t like seeing him so upset. 

 

He told me that he would call me the next day (Thursday). And he did. He asked how my cat was doing and seemed pleased that he was eating. He said it would probably be a day by day thing. It was really nice that he called though.

 

On Friday, we had our regular project meeting. Now, I am sure some may not approve of mixing pheros like this, but I wore three drops of UN Perfect Match with a scented Cuddle Bunny (I used quite a bit of CB). I wanted the bonding/communication of PM but I also wanted the EST and, of course, the cops.

 

I think it went well with him. We had some good news with the project and he seemed pleased that he could give me some good news. He was also looking at me with with a really soft, gentle look and almost heart shaped eyes. He told me that he was working this weekend, but gave me a number that I could text updates to him about my cat. He said that he wouldn’t be able to respond immediately, but that he would when he can. I think the PM and CB were hitting him pretty strongly. We had a pretty deep moment and lots of good eye contact.

 

Probably I write too much detail and just write too much in general. 

 

 

Edited December 11, 2021 by RosesArePink

[citrine]

I haven't commented yet but I really like reading your posts. I am really really sorry about you cat @RosesArePink. Hang in there!

 

Things seem to go pretty will with your Mr Wonderful, I am happy for you! 🤗

Edited December 15, 2021 by citrine

[RosesArePink]

13 hours ago, citrine said:

I haven't commented yet but I really like reading your posts. I am really really sorry about you cat @RosesArePink. Hang in there!

 

Things seem to go pretty will with your Mr Wonderful, I am happy for you! 🤗

 

 

@citrine  Thank you! I appreciate the kind comments. Hopefully things are moving in the right direction with Mr. Wonderful. Guess only time will tell though.

 

 I texted him over the weekend and he responded with a nice text back. But this week things have been crazy at work (for me anyway) and I imagine for him as well. Too bad pheromones don’t work through texts!

[citrine]

13 hours ago, RosesArePink said:

 

 

@citrine  Thank you! I appreciate the kind comments. Hopefully things are moving in the right direction with Mr. Wonderful. Guess only time will tell though.

 

 I texted him over the weekend and he responded with a nice text back. But this week things have been crazy at work (for me anyway) and I imagine for him as well. Too bad pheromones don’t work through texts!

 

Oh I do believe that when he got your text  he remembered how he felt when he was around you. Phero or no phero lol

 

He gave you his private number for texts?

[RosesArePink]

On 12/16/2021 at 6:25 AM, citrine said:

 

Oh I do believe that when he got your text  he remembered how he felt when he was around you. Phero or no phero lol

 

He gave you his private number for texts?

 

@citrine

 

HA! I hope so! No, not exactly his personal cell phone. He gave me a text messaging app number ☹️So no personal cell phone number quite yet. He said he doesn’t like texting on his phone. He was texting me quite a bit yesterday. I’ll see him again on Wednesday for a meeting on the second project we are working on. He had originally thought we should meet in mid January, but changed his mind and asked if I could meet next week. 😊 I think I will stick with Perfect Match and some Cuddle Bunny. Though I might - maybe! - use a little less CB this time. Or not. 

[citrine]

On 12/18/2021 at 2:57 PM, RosesArePink said:

He was texting me quite a bit yesterday.

 

 

I think this is a very good sign!

[Eve]

@RosesArePink  how exciting!  More evidence he definitely likes you.  
 

If the opportunity arises, see if he will open up a little about his life outside of work.  I just think it’s a little unusual that he isn’t texting in the more usual way. But, on the other hand, I get it as far as disliking all of the texting that goes on for many. Some people are on their phones texting while talking with someone else at the same time. It’s annoying.  
 

I look forward to hearing how it goes tomorrow.  😊

[RosesArePink]

@citrine    @Eve

 

Hi Citrine & Eve!

 

Thanks for your responses! 😊

 

For Wednesday’s meeting, I wore three drops of UN Perfect Match and quite a bit of a scented Cuddle Bunny. I’m happy with the way he responds to EST blends. He is a pretty sweet guy all on his own, but the EST seems to encourage him to express it a bit more. Not, mind you, that he has gotten around to taking anything to a deeper level (I hope there’s a “yet” at the end of that sentence!). 

 

When he first came into the conference room, he looked at me softly and like he was evaluating me to make sure I was okay. He looked in my eyes and softly asked how I was doing and how my cats were doing. I’ve noticed when he is talking about more personal things he talks softer. Those conference room walls are really, really thin and noise travels through them, so I guess he is trying to keep those conversations more private?

 

Anyway, he was very sweet and we had another deeply meaningful conversation about my cat with the cancer. He was trying to help me make some decisions about my cat using his medical background. I’m not sure if I am expressing that quite right. It was like he was being supportive and guiding me at the same time. He said that he felt like we were going through a process together with my cat and he wanted to see it through.

 

Perfect Match is probably a good choice at this point, as I felt like there was some good bonding starting to happen.  I don’t really remember everything that he said, just remember lots of nice, soft eye contact.

 

Oh, he also remembered a preference that I had mentioned once several weeks ago and went out of his way to provide it. 

 

He also told me that he was going away for the holiday, but still wants me to text him updates on how things are going with my cat. I probably should have taken that opportunity to ask him where he was going and what his plans are, but I failed to find the right words at the right time. It seemed like he felt bad for leaving/ going away. I don’t know, that was just my impression at the time. He also commended that he could do a better job of responding to my texts. I thought he was doing okay with responding, especially since I know he’s a very busy guy.

 

Our second project is going well, but unfortunately it’s almost done. 🙁 The upper management team is putting some pressure on us to finish it up. So, he asked me to meet again next Friday. The first project is going well too and thankfully that one should continue on for awhile yet.

 

Yeah, Eve, the texting thing is a little odd. That could be a warning flag...maybe not a red flag, but a yellow one. I have noticed though that he doesn’t carry a cell phone on him and I’ve never seen him with one. But there is still something niggling at me and I just can’t quite figure it out. I don’t know, maybe I just wish things were moving faster.

 

[Eve]

@RosesArePink I think you’re reading the situation well.  He is interested in you.  He likes being with you , and  has what sounds like a genuine interest in being there for you in some  aspects of your personal life (your kitties). 

 

It seems to me that he is keeping his distance.  There are missing parts of what might be the normal flow of conversation.  It’s impossible to say what the reason behind this is.  Is he being reticent due to being a private person, or is he being tactful because he likes you and doesn’t want to hurt you?  Has he had problems in the past with stalker types who won’t let go?  
 

What is current etiquette is as far as exchanging cell numbers? If he has yours, and he owns one, why not share it with you?  it could be nothing. It could be significant.  But I don’t think it’s completely nothing. Like you said, only a yellow flag.  But you know what a yellow flag means.  Proceed with caution.  
 

The holidays are hard on people. Some remember losses, some are uncomfortable with the implied commitment getting together for even a casual occasion could imply.  There is alway a reason, conscious or not,  when parts about oneself are omitted from being shared in a friendship.  Everyone on the face of this earth has  some things about themselves that they don’t talk about. That’s human nature.
 

This season upon us can make being single feel more like being alone.  And the tiniest doubts can feel magnified. Because of this, I hope you won’t attach too much significance to how your next encounter goes with him.  He has his reasons, time will tell what they are.  
 

I’d take a step back until after the new year. Enjoy seeing him, use the pheros you feel are effective for how you want things to head. But give yourself something else to occupy your thoughts for the upcoming couple of weeks.  See how often he spontaneously reaches out to you. But don’t fall into the trap of checking for messages, and wondering why you’ve not heard back. 

 

 

[Eve]

@RosesArePink I’ve been giving this some thought tonight. It has been busy around here since I got back from a trip, and oddly it’s tonight, when I should have no time, that I actually have some peace and quiet, and time to give more thought about what I want to say.  
 

We as women think differently than men do.  We usually multitask better, we are often more intuitive than men are.  But  I believe we also tend to rationalize—to create an excuse or more attractive  explanation for why the other sex does, or does not do things.  Especially in  matters of the heart.  
 

Most men are never going to tell a woman to her face that he isn’t that interested in her.  They just don’t.  They speak with their actions.  
 

On one hand, your Mr Wonderful is now texting with you, and tries to move your scheduled next meetings sooner than they were originally to be.    Those are encouraging signs/actions.  On the other hand, I know you want more than that. I do think that when your one project finishes up, if he hasn’t asked you out, it means something.  Men ask women out.  They just do.  We as women tend to find reasons why this doesn’t happen, but what that does over time is erode the confidence we have in ourselves.  Don’t let it get to that point. 
 

Do I think you should show up at the next meetings looking  great, and smelling as nice as you can?  Yes, absolutely! But keep things in perspective.  He’s one guy of many.  He may be even more wonderful than you already think he is.  Just know that you are exceptional too, and that you are worth pursuing. And if he does not realize this, he is not all that wonderful for you.  

 

[citrine]

While I do think that not every guy would be interested in someone's cat's health status if there is *nothing there*, I do agree with Eve. 

 

On 12/25/2021 at 6:06 AM, Eve said:

 

On one hand, your Mr Wonderful is now texting with you, and tries to move your scheduled next meetings sooner than they were originally to be.    Those are encouraging signs/actions.  On the other hand, I know you want more than that. I do think that when your one project finishes up, if he hasn’t asked you out, it means something.  Men ask women out.  They just do.  We as women tend to find reasons why this doesn’t happen, but what that does over time is erode the confidence we have in ourselves.  Don’t let it get to that point. 

 

I hope you ask him how he spent the holidays, and hopefully he'll open up a bit more.

[RosesArePink]

@Eve     And    @citrine

 

Again, thank you for your thoughtful responses. Eve, you have a very nice way with expressing the way of the world  (for lack of a better set of words on my part) and I really appreciate those words. Stepping back a bit to just get perspective is very smart advice. This weekend was busy with Holiday and family things, so that was good.

 

He did text me late last night. I guess just to say hi and to see how things were going. I’ll see him on Friday, and yes, I’ll make sure to dress nicely and to smell nice (probably will involve PM and at least cops, if not CB).

[Eve]

@RosesArePink I’m glad you heard from him, and hope the meeting on Friday goes well.  At this point I think you know what you want to choose as far as pheromones.  
 

It concerned me I was overstepping into a type of advice you were not technically asking for, as what I wrote had nothing to do with pheros, but, I’m ancient, and have perspective/insight because I’ve been around for so long 😀.  
 

PS 

I hope your kitty is as comfortable as possible.  I lost a dog (who I loved like a child) to two concurrent diseases, each of which made it harder to manage the other.  I know it can be exceedingly rough for pet parents faced with decisions and yet no way to make things right. 

[citrine]

Good luck tomorrow! 🍀

 

How is your cat?

[RosesArePink]

@Eve    And     @citrine

 

Thank you both for asking about my cat! He is doing okay for now. The vet said as long as he’s eating and acting normal (which he is), he could hang in for a while yet. I decided not to do chemo after reading up on it and thinking about Mr Wonderful’s experiences with it. So sorry about your dog, Eve!  Is that your dog in your  new forum picture?

 

Thanks, Citrine - I need all the good luck that I can get!  For tomorrow, I’m still planning on going with PM and CB. He has been texting me a bit most days this week, I guess just to say hi. I will update after the meeting at some point.

[Eve]

That’s good news @RosesArePink.  I hope today is a good one for you.  (Yes, that’s him). 

[RosesArePink]

Yesterday I saw Mr. Wonderful for our project meeting. For the record, I wore three drops UN PM and some CB.

 

He was sweet and wonderful as always. We had deep eye contact through out the meeting and the communication between us was good. And, at least on my end, it felt like there was some bonding going on. Can’t speak for him though. 

 

He did say that he really didn’t have any plans over the Christmas holiday and just needed to use up some vacation time before the end of the year.

 

Also for the project, some data is coming in on Tuesday and I said I would email him on Tuesday. But he said no, that he will instead call me. He also made arrangements for us to meet again on Thursday (we are still working on getting that second, “easier” project finished up).

 

Only other interesting thing was, when it was time for me to leave, he had a really sad look that he seemed to be trying to hide. I could be mis-reading it though. I don’t always trust myself when trying to read someone who I really like.

[citrine]

Nice hits and it seems like this are going in the right direction, I just hope he will make some moves soon.

[Eve]

@RosesArePink  It sounds like the time with him was good.  But, it is curious that he didn’t elaborate other than to say he had vacation time he had to use up. Especially when he said he was going out of town.  Maybe he’s just not a talker.  I dunno. 

[Kayla]

1 hour ago, Eve said:

@RosesArePink  It sounds like the time with him was good.  But, it is curious that he didn’t elaborate other than to say he had vacation time he had to use up. Especially when he said he was going out of town.  Maybe he’s just not a talker.  I dunno. 

 

I find this and the fact that he doesn't use his private cell to text really suspicious  - just raises a lot of red flags for me. I wonder if he has a significant other and that's why everything is focused on work meetings even though he seems like he likes/is interested in you, @RosesArePink. 

[RosesArePink]

@citrine   And     @Eve     And    @Kayla

 

Thank you for your replies! I saw the posts yesterday but needed some time to think about it....and to go on a reconnaissance mission...

 

 

On 1/3/2022 at 2:09 PM, Eve said:

@RosesArePink  It sounds like the time with him was good.  But, it is curious that he didn’t elaborate other than to say he had vacation time he had to use up. Especially when he said he was going out of town.  Maybe he’s just not a talker.  I dunno. 

 

 

Eve, I’m pretty sure I just misunderstood him. He told me that he was “going to be away”. I thought he meant “going away”, but it looks like he just meant that he was “going to be away from the office”.

 

Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I had a chance to talk with Mr. Office Suite Mate (Mr. OSM). I wore T.M.I. - but not too much because I’m a bit scared of it. Though, I will say, that’s a really lovely scent! Mr. OSM told me what he’s heard. Apparently, Mr. Wonderful is married but the relationship hasn’t been going very well. They are maybe separated, but are maybe still “working on it”.  That last part is unclear from Mr. OSM - he just doesn’t know the details for sure. So there you have it, an unhappy, confused married guy.

 

😳 And I’ve been phero bombing the guy! Aack. 

 

Also, my boss told me that they are encouraging everyone who can to work from home for maybe the next month or so. I am taking my boss up on the offer and so all my meetings (with Mr Wonderful and everyone else) will now be on Zoom. I guess I could use the time away from seeing Mr Wonderful to try and get “perspective”. Sigh. 🙄

 

Now, someone really needs to help convince me that chocolate ice cream is better than having a boyfriend.  💔

 

I’m planning on using Elementary Ch 6 tonight...I also ordered a sample of Balm Bomb last week, but it’s not here yet. Hopefully those will help.

 

Ooh. Forgot to add that he is still texting me and over the weekend he texted me a really sweet compliment and was just being super sweet. Sigh. I ‘ll have figure out what to do about the texting eventually, but I’m not dealing with it now. 😖

[Eve]

On 8/22/2021 at 11:13 AM, Eve said:

 …..  On the other hand,  If he IS  in a relationship, and does not work it into the general conversation over the time you’ve known him (and I mean in group settings) that is not a good sign. People in happy relationships tend to mention that person from time to time.  Not so much talk about them, but they exist….

 

On 8/22/2021 at 11:13 AM, Eve said:

 

 

@RosesArePink do you remember when I wrote this?  It has concerned me from the start. 
 

I’m so sorry that this is the case with him. However I am VERY  impressed with how you are handling it.  For you to opt to work remotely shows great strength and maturity on your part.  
 

Yes it’s going to be hard at first, but not nearly so hard as it would be if this had continued on for more months while you remained in the dark,  all the time growing fonder of him and building up hope.  
 

I do think he likes you, but that’s a whole scenario that you don’t want to get involved in. 
 

About  how to handle the texting:  You  can’t play the “I’m hurt because you mislead me card” because he didn’t. He just omitted.  No point in bringing it up at all. It’s  not even his cell number he gave you to reach him with.
 

 I think you can delay answering him each time with increasing increments of time intervals.  He should get the idea that you are busy with other things. 
 

He sounds like he has genuine concern about your cat, but because you’ve said your kitty is doing well, Mr Wonderful really won’t have much of a reason to keep checking on him. 
 

DON’T talk to him about things going on in your daily personal life. He certainly did not share with you.  Let’s say you’re going to a fundraiser or wedding or to visit your aunt. (Anything)He doesn’t need to know this.  Be nice, it could possibly impact your work, and eventually you’ll see him again in person. 
 

As for the chocolate ice cream….

 

1). It always tastes good.

2). It always smells good.

3). It’s there when you want it, and stays conveniently out of sight when you don’t.
4). It doesn’t care if you just woke up and have bed head and are wearing mismatched socks (one with a hole). 

5). It doesn’t judge your choice in tv shows, books, music, friends or family. 

6). It’s scientifically shown to make you happier.

7).  It can be eaten straight from the carton eliminating any need to wash a bowl.  A quick rinse of the spoon and you’re good to go.  
 

 

Edited January 5, 2022 by Eve
It quoted me twice. Couldn’t get rid of the text box.

[Eve]

Two more  reasons in favor of chocolate ice cream: 

 

8. It doesn’t notice if you’ve epilated lately

9.  It has no knowledge of Brazilian wax jobs. 
 

(I just got out of the shower, and thought of this when I observed the state of my legs….) 

[RosesArePink]

@Eve

 

Thank you - your list of reasons to love chocolate made me smile and I really needed a smile. Also,  that is good advice with how to handle his texting and how to handle him in general.

 

 

On 1/5/2022 at 12:51 PM, Eve said:

I do think he likes you, but that’s a whole scenario that you don’t want to get involved in. 

 

Right...no good can come from it. If he were actually, definitely separated/divorcing that might be different. I am just feeling particularly depressed because it does seem that he likes me and it just seems like there is always something that blocks potential relationships from happening. 🙁

 

We “zoomed” our meeting today. I’m pretty sure he noticed that I was “off”, more distant. He said he’s calling me tomorrow to discuss something project related. Knowing him, he’ll be good and keep it project related.

 

Time for more chocolate.

[Eve]

9 hours ago, RosesArePink said:

@Eve

 

Right...no good can come from it. If he were actually, definitely separated/divorcing that might be different. 

@RosesArePink it’s a rare man that will actually leave an unhappy marriage, then seek and  follow through with a divorce,  unless he has someone else he knows he can go to. The problem being that the woman he  has become involved with (even just emotionally) is not always the one he  wants to be with once he’s free. I don’t know what the statistical odds are, but I’ve seen it happen again and again. 
 

One married guy I’m thinking of had been seeing someone for 13 years (he was one of my former boyfriend’s bffs). He finally got a divorce.  I don’t know if he left her or vice versa, but did he marry the girlfriend of 13 years, or even keep seeing her? No, he met someone new who had no connection to his past memories of conflicting loyalties, and married her about eight months after the divorce was final.  

 

 Women, not so much. We tend to say f* it, and leave  because we are  unhappy, without any other involvement with another  man. Women will stay in an unhappy marriage due to fear of retaliation, fear of bodily harm, a sense of duty, moral values or religious beliefs, or children if they have any, etc. 

 

So yeah, I don’t believe it would be a different enough scenario if he were definitely already separated or divorcing.  Divorced, all said and done with, all signatures and final decree…. then possibly, but really no .  You had feelings for him before those steps had  been taken by him (assuming that he ever does take them).  

 

 I mean think about it.  Texting you via an app while he’s married?  If he wasn’t doing anything he felt his wife shouldn’t know about, why not just text or call you without being furtive about it? It’s just not good.  It could be your future with him.  No long term happiness there. 
 

 

Sometimes it’s a very good thing when potential relationships are blocked. Call it divine intervention, or fate or destiny.  Mutual love will happen when it happens.  You can’t hurry love. And, like I mentioned before, sometimes there is someone right there in plain sight that is overlooked.  
 

I’m very sorry you found yourself in this situation, but it contributed to your experience in life, and it helped lead you to our little forum.  We are happy to have you here. 

 

 

[RosesArePink]

Well, I guess that’s all the more reason to buy more chocolate.

 

 

11 hours ago, Eve said:

 and it helped lead you to our little forum.  We are happy to have you here

 

I guess at least something positive came out of it.

[Kayla]

On 1/6/2022 at 9:18 PM, RosesArePink said:

@Eve

 

Thank you - your list of reasons to love chocolate made me smile and I really needed a smile. Also,  that is good advice with how to handle his texting and how to handle him in general.

 

 

 

Right...no good can come from it. If he were actually, definitely separated/divorcing that might be different. I am just feeling particularly depressed because it does seem that he likes me and it just seems like there is always something that blocks potential relationships from happening. 🙁

 

I know how hard this is now @RosesArePinkbut you saved yourself a lot of misery.  I completely agree with what @Eveshared about men who leave their wives not staying with the other woman they are with during that time. Even though he technically didn't lead you on, he was deceptive in not revealing he has a wife/significant other and that speaks volumes about his character.  He had to know you liked him and he just let that develop while withholding that important "bit" of information from you.

 

I truly feel you deserve a person who will be honest with you and who will treat you with respect and decency. Love and life aren't perfect but starting out a relationship that's built on lies will never work. One day, you will find it person who is available and who wants to be with you - no games. I don't know you but I can tell you are a kind, caring person and am telling you what I would tell my own daughters, were they in a similar situation.  Take care of yourself and remember that you deserve better! ❤

 

 

[RosesArePink]

@Eve     And    @Kayla

 

💕

 

Of course, you are both right. I poorly worded what I meant. I was only trying to say that I wished it had worked out differently and wished that Mr Wonderful could have earned his name.