ariadne Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 (edited) I met a guy a few years older than me on a popular online dating site about a month and a half ago. For various reasons we couldn't get together for a first date until this past Saturday, but we e-mailed, texted, and talked on the phone a lot. I could tell by our conversations he was a little bit shy, but he was also engaging and we had fun conversations. I already knew I liked him from that standpoint. We met for a couple of drinks Saturday night. I layered PheroGirl with Heart & Soul and a smidge of Pink Sugar. He was already there when I walked in, and I walked up to him and gave him a hug. He did hug me back, but he was a bit hesitant and acted nervous. We hung out for three hours that night and had good conversation and good banter, but not only was he a bit on edge and nervous, but he was tired from working all day until right before we met. When we parted, we kissed (I initiated it) and he wasn't hesitant about responding (in fact, he made a surprised/delighted "oohhh!" sound after the first kiss). He asked me if I wanted to go out again this next Saturday - I stopped to think about my schedule for a second and he said "I'll just let you call me later in the week about it" and laughed. I told him I liked him and he giggled! He told me to text him when I got home so he knew I had made it safely. I did, he responded with "Good, I'll call you tomorrow". He didn't call Sunday. I texted him around 8:30 and said "I had a good time. I want to meet up again this next Saturday if you'd like". He responded "I had a good time, too" and made a comment about the food I ordered with our drinks (long story, but it was funny), but no response to my mention of next Saturday. Soooooo... He had mentioned Saturday that he had a lot of things to do since it was his only day off, so I want to chalk it up to that, but part of me thinks "nah, this is one of those 'I met you and now I'm just not into you' things" OR he was overwhelmed by my pheros and those coupled with my kiss initiation might have equaled "aggressive and easy" in the guy's mind. What do you think? Am I just too worried about it? I mean, I do realize it's only Monday. Edited February 21, 2011 by ariadne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calii Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 (edited) You will be getting good advice to this,but not from me,as I am out of the dating game/s anymore,and hope to stay that way but my 2 cents is...the ball is in his court now and PheroGirl might have been overkill for 1st meeting <unless your convos have been of a sexual nature already> ETA...do not worry about it! Edited February 21, 2011 by Calii Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luna65 Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Ah men...who the hell knows? No I'm kidding...I'd give him a few days but then if you have to ask again let him know that you need clarification for your schedule, as some tend to get tunnel vision (Quince was so guilty of this when we first started seeing each other [and of course due to distance we could never have conventional dates]) but his hesitancy may not have anything to do with the pheros. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tyvey Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Hm, sorry doll but in my experience, no amount of shyness, fatigue or busy-ness stops a guy who feels a connection, from pushing/pursuing things, let alone would they fail to take you up on a *direct* question/offer (in your case, about next Saturday). I'm with Calii that if it's going to proceed, it's his turn to indicate an equal level of interest - at the LEAST. You mentioned at least five separate things that were initiated by you -- (hug, kiss, texting yesterday when he didn't call, suggesting getting together again Saturday, telling him you like him) -- and four things that indicated some discomfort or unwillingess on his part ('nervous' about the hug, 'on edge/nervous' during conversation, NOT calling you Sunday even though he said he would, talking about how much he has to do on Saturdays [always a HUGE red flag IMO]). I have to say, his asking you about next Saturday, and saying he'd call you Sunday, given those four things, sound like expressions of politeness more than interest. Sounds to me as though someone with his personality would be more comfortable with someone less forthright :/ in which case you'll move on to someone who wants and appreciates that quality in you... I may be 1000% wrong but JMTC... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosegirl Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Yes, he definitely has the next move. If I don't hear from him by Friday, I think I would just make other plans. If he calls you on Saturday, well then, he missed an opportunity to go out with you at that time, but he's learn a valuable lesson: Don't take this lady for granted -- she will not wait by the phone for you. I would then offer him an alternate date night if you're still interested in him. Anyway, that's my two cents. Good luck. P.S. I would go easier on the pheros next time too and let him initiate the moves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bruiseviolet Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 (edited) He might be like my mom. When someone sends her a text that is a statement but no question mark, she thinks she doesn't have to respond. Then when the person doesn't mention the date again, she acts seriously confused and says that she didn't know she was supposed to say anything about it. Maybe mention it again in the form of a question so you know for sure cuz the way he responded really sounds like something my mom would do. Edited February 21, 2011 by bruiseviolet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calii Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 See Now ...thats what I'm talking about...I LOVE this forum Ya know,after reading Tyvey's indepth,I can see stuff I did not see before! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrazyKat Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 (edited) yes, I agree with Tyvey and I definitely dont think the pheros are a problem, sounds like he needs to practice his hunting skills for awhile. I would not initiate any further contact... and DONT spray heart and soul anywhere close to your nasal passages, try the back of your head Edited February 22, 2011 by KrazyKat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ariadne Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 (edited) Tyvey, your response was exactly what I needed to hear, and I felt like a huge dork for ignoring all the things you pointed out. I feel like an even huger dork right now, though, since he just called and asked how long he had to wait to see me again. I know this is atypical. Thanks everyone for your responses! I so appreciate it! Edited February 22, 2011 by ariadne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ravenwing Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 everyone gets those jitters on first dates. since he asked about a second one things went well. best of luck on your next date! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JOC Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 I'm with Tyvey and Calii on this one. It's up to him to make the next move, i.e. to call you up for the date on Sat night and what happens on the date, etc. I will not keep my Sat night free for too long either. Probably till Tues or Wed tops. If he calls after that, tooo bad, he'll have to pencil down on the spot for my next available weekend. If he feels the connection, like Tyvey said, he would have made a point to overcome any barriers. As you have said, he's probably the shy type of guy and thus your personality may not be suitable for him. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calii Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 (edited) since he just called and asked how long he had to wait to see me again. Well Yeah good to hear...and you told him WHAT ???? ...don't bail on us now g/f inquiring minds wanna know Edited February 22, 2011 by Calii Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tyvey Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 oh, I'm so glad to hear it ariadne!! I do still think you'll feel better if you let him (continue to) demonstrate at least equal interest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JOC Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 That's great! Have fun! Btw, I didn't realize that he has called you for a second date when I posted last night. Oops! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ariadne Posted February 28, 2011 Author Share Posted February 28, 2011 Well Yeah good to hear...and you told him WHAT ???? ...don't bail on us now g/f inquiring minds wanna know Sorry, I've been a bit busy to hop back here and update! I originally told him I wasn't sure what my schedule was for the next week or so... Well, we ended up getting together again yesterday. I wore the same mix as before for my own edification. This time he was definitely a lot more comfortable - our conversation was more lively (as it had been on the phone previously), he displayed a lot of positive body language toward me, I caught him staring at me when I was looking away, he took a lot of opportunities to "accidentally" touch me, etc. He asked me out for today, but I couldn't make it. He told me he definitely wanted to get together again soon, though. So yeah, I think my first impression was correct: he's somewhat shy and reserved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ravenwing Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 he may be shy but it sounds like he is slowly opening up. you just might be the ying to his yang and that could be a good thing. still sounds like he is totally in to you. gonna keep him for awhile? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luna65 Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 So yeah, I think my first impression was correct: he's somewhat shy and reserved. And there are men like that to be sure; I fell in love with one of the most reserved men on the planet, I'm convinced, but now he trusts me enough to let me see over the wall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calii Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 Sounds like things are moving along very well ...I truly hope it works out for you both,the world needs more people finding happiness with each other Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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