Is it mean to wear Bang!

[Beach Goddess]

Thanks to all for your kind words and insight!! Very nice, and soooo much appreciated, it made me smile to know there is support.

 

I'm glad this thread re-boot is good for others too. I have 'why women love/ marry bitches' ebook on my kindle for PC. Time for me to be more 'strategic' I guess. Though for me seems to take fun out of it, not that I've had that much FUN the way I've been doing it.

 

I'm going to re-read that book this weekend - short read but want to really push it into my head. I miss paper books, something @ physically highlighting words that really drives it home for me.

 

Super HUGS to all on thread!!!

 

ETA: I wanted to thank everyone invividually in post bc all the kind words and empathy really meant a lot to me, but post would be soooo super long w/ all the multi-quotes. Again, so happy to have this forum and such supportive wonderful LP'ers. You all rock! Made me feel happier today.

Edited November 21, 2014 by Beach Goddess

[Beccah]

BG, I just bought mine off Amazon. One of the a penny + $3.99 shipping deals.

[StacyK]

Get the "Bitch" book guys. So worth it. It wil at the least put a smile on your face.

[KrazyKat]

Yes, absolutely I wholeheartedly agree with this recommendation. I think every woman should read this.. so many guys pulling games like push-pull and disappearing reappearing these days its like dating self defense...lol.

[Beach Goddess]

I started re-reading this already this weekend. Can't believe I'd forgotten so much (slaps self in forehead).

 

KK - you're right, def self-defense, apparently men can't seem to just 'go with things' really and have to make a game of everything. So, if that's the game, gotta know the real rules.

StackyK - totally!!

Beccah - good to know, I may order in paperback. I love the ekindle orders bc they are usually super cheap and of course instant delivery. But I like paper books so I can highlight and actually they are more portable in a way. Glad to know there' such a good deal!

Andro - your words above were so kind and thoughful - gracias!

 

I'm pretty good w/ setting boundaries but can be way too tolerant. I also think that's bc prior to divorce there was so much fighting (verbal stuff) that I just can't "deal" or put too much into things - esp if it becomes a 'drama' or I feel tested. I am getting over that a bit and realizing that if I want to get what I want and deserve, that I call BS when it's clearly BS.

 

In my mind I'd like to think a 'real man' is above most of these games. If he's self-confidant and not a d-bag. But... that's in my mind I guess bc seems guys 'testing' us is the norm. One of the guys I dated asked for me to do something one time, and I was like "uh, NO" - and he laughed, said "can't blame me for asking!" (ok he wanted me to send pic and not a PG one). Yes we were dating but he wasn't a bf - very bold. So I do feel like I call guys out on things and def am not always just 'going with it', but I obv need to ramp up my guard.

 

This book rocks! Babe In Total Charge of Herself.

[Beccah]

Yeah, I know what you mean. Right now I'm in hibernate mode for dating. I'm still married & I really can't respect any man that wants to move forward with physical intimacy until after the divorce is finalized. It's not fair for me to date anyone at this point in time, really. Of course that does make me more desirable to some men, forbidden fruit & all that. I just don't think I can go through another relationship as terrible as the one that I"m getting out of again. This is also my fear, that I will either a) not be able to trust an SO, & or that I will be a doormat to prevent the behavior that I'm afraid of. I wish I could find a therapist that's a good fit for me, I've already been through 2 so far.

[KrazyKat]

BG, its really sad what I see a lot of women around me going thur right now, I think having good boundaries is essential to surviving in the dating world, especially if you're a more feeling type of person.

Beccah, sounds heartbreaking. good for you for having the strength to move out of your relationship, Im sure you'll have a great deal of wisdom from your ordeal not to pick the same kind of guy maybe find a gentleman that responds well to Est next go around...lol.

Edited November 22, 2014 by KrazyKat

[livin101]

Hitting up Amazon as I type this.

Jesus we must be on the same wave length because i just looked this up also!! I gave this book to my daughter and a few years ago and it is her Mantra! Guys have always begged her to go out with them and she just ignores them at the beginning, She is so far from a bitch, she is super nice but this book made an impact.

You cant loose if you pair this book with the 4 man plan-watch out

 

Beccah my secret to loving life and succeeding is THE SECRET in daily calendar form 6-8 bucks on Amazon. Every day read an inspiring message, most are just paying attention to all the great stuff going on around you, It only takes 20-30 seconds a day to read, and it has changed my life. The thing I tell myself and my kids is you have to love yourself before you can love others.

Edited November 22, 2014 by livin101

[Beach Goddess]

I love this book and agree it is a 'must have'. But is anyone else bothered that it seems to imply that if a guy takes off, that we didn't do these things or do them right OR is it just me thinking that?

 

Because it def could be the latter. I know I speak my mind etc.and am strong in many ways (some guys have said I can come across as too independent - male friends only though) , but I do think a guy can sense if I'm focused on him vs. staying playing the field. So this helps to keep that part in check.

 

Anyhow I guess sometimes I've just blamed myself when things went awry (too much vs. just being more IDGF), and when I read books like this it make me twinge a bit like - oh you can get any guy to 'act right' if you just did 'a b or c'.

 

I mean some guys are just d-bags regardless or immature or whatever. Maybe this helps 'screen' them out earlier?

 

Beccah - I'm kind on same wavelength as far as hybernation. I haven't really gotten myself 'out there' nor do I really feel like trying bc it is PITA to a degree. And I don't like feeling like I'm looking for anything - takes fun out of it. But 2x in 2 years things just kind of happened organically w 2 diff guys - until well, things went wrong before they really felt truly right to me - i.e. like there was that promise (s) spoken etc. but then just didn't come to fruition as expected.

[StacyK]

I love this book and agree it is a 'must have'. But is anyone else bothered that it seems to imply that if a guy takes off, that we didn't do these things or do them right OR is it just me thinking that?

 

Because it def could be the latter. I know I speak my mind etc.and am strong in many ways (some guys have said I can come across as too independent - male friends only though) , but I do think a guy can sense if I'm focused on him vs. staying playing the field. So this helps to keep that part in check.

 

Anyhow I guess sometimes I've just blamed myself when things went awry (too much vs. just being more IDGF), and when I read books like this it make me twinge a bit like - oh you can get any guy to 'act right' if you just did 'a b or c'.

 

I mean some guys are just d-bags regardless or immature or whatever. Maybe this helps 'screen' them out earlier?

 

Beccah - I'm kind on same wavelength as far as hybernation. I haven't really gotten myself 'out there' nor do I really feel like trying bc it is PITA to a degree. And I don't like feeling like I'm looking for anything - takes fun out of it. But 2x in 2 years things just kind of happened organically w 2 diff guys - until well, things went wrong before they really felt truly right to me - i.e. like there was that promise (s) spoken etc. but then just didn't come to fruition as expected.

Sorry I'm trying to catch up here. To which book are you referring BC?

[Beach Goddess]

Sorry I'm trying to catch up here. To which book are you referring BC?

StacyK - the "bitch" book. And others in same genre, in general. Again I really do think it's totally me, but maybe there's a twinge of it in there, no intentional of course.

[cinnamonmel]

I think my major dating turn around came when I stopped taking anything personally. I just thought, well, fuck you, as in forget this, not aaaargh FUCK YOUUUUUU, if you don't like me, it's not right, because I deserve someone who thinks I'm perfect for them. And, that's what I got.

[StacyK]

StacyK - the "bitch" book. And others in same genre, in general. Again I really do think it's totally me, but maybe there's a twinge of it in there, no intentional of course.

I think the "B" book is different in that respect.

 

The fact is there is no Holly Grail, and I would take it all in with a grain of salt. The reason I agreed that book was worth a look is that it's enforcing being yourself and requiring a standard from those you are dating. Of course everyone has to set and adjust that to what's comfortable for her. While you could argue that it's still playing a game, to a degree I see that one as basically just saying Wake The Hell Up!

You do not need to be a martini mixing, happy baking hooker to "get a man". I hate that phrase btw.

This is the 21st fucking century and we make our own money and we are not just lying in bed hoping this guy will do us the privilege of fucking us and ultimately "choosing" us. If you require an amount of respect and he repeatedly falls far short then that's not the guy for you. It's a bit like, this is basically the advice mothers & fathers should give their daughters. It's really almost the opposite of playing games. It has it's small flaws but the overall advice and humor is very liberating. Especially if your stuck in older thinking patterns of this is how a woman is supposed to act.. which wouldn't entirely be anyone's fault because we are still bombarded by those antiquated notions everyday by the media.

Overall it's a set your standards and stick to it. you'll be better off type of thing.

There are never any promises.

 

Edited for spell correct errors.

Edited November 23, 2014 by StacyK

[StacyK]

I think my major dating turn around came when I stopped taking anything personally. I just thought, well, fuck you, as in forget this, not aaaargh FUCK YOUUUUUU, if you don't like me, it's not right, because I deserve someone who thinks I'm perfect for them. And, that's what I got.

Exactly.

[Guest cutie.pie]

I think my major dating turn around came when I stopped taking anything personally. I just thought, well, fuck you, as in forget this, not aaaargh FUCK YOUUUUUU, if you don't like me, it's not right, because I deserve someone who thinks I'm perfect for them. And, that's what I got.

Nicely said!!!

[Beccah]

Beachy G, I kind of started the book with a sample on my Kindle app. Idk the part about cooking, LOL. But then I'm like....wait! What if you like cooking & even getting fancy with it??? My prob is getting the bastards to do the dishes after. I FEEL lik eif I spend two hours on my feet hand rolling sushi for everyone, then just MAYBE *somebody* else can do the damn dishes, argh. So I guess that's why she says not to cook???

Edited November 24, 2014 by Beccah

[Beach Goddess]

Beachy G, I kind of started the book with a sample on my Kindle app. Idk the part about cooking, LOL. But then I'm like....wait! What if you like cooking & even getting fancy with it??? My prob is getting the bastards to do the dishes after. I FEEL lik eif I spend two hours on my feet hand rolling sushi for everyone, then just MAYBE *somebody* else can do the damn dishes, argh. So I guess that's why she says not to cook???

ROFLMAO - that's awesome and I agree. I'm still going back thru this book, such a keeper and must have guide book!