Advice on uneasy work place relations

[Celrynnya]

I got a job last year in the same lab that I did my PhD. You know how there are some people who just don't get along? There was a woman in the lab (let's call her KW) who really rubbed me the wrong way, but I couldn't do or say anything about it because she was staff and I was just a student. (The academic pecking order is brutal.) Anyways, I finally finished and was offered a job, and accepted it because science jobs are few and far between.

 

Anyways, I was placed in an office with her for all of two weeks before she left for maternity leave. Since she went off to have her baby the dynamics of our four-person office shifted to a huge degree - the boys in my office and I get along really well. The problem is that KW is returning to work in a few weeks, and will be coming back to her old desk in our cozy little office.

 

Really, what it comes down to is that we just don't like eachother - we can get along if we have to, but we are certainly not eachothers' friend.

 

I'd love to try out a phero that might help either to get her to respect me more (she is having trouble adjusting to me being her equal rather than just another student), or that will chill me out a bit (so it's more of a water-off-a-duck's-back kind of deal on my side), or both. I was thinking something like Swimming with Sharks.

 

All advice welcome

[Synergist]

I don't know what advice to suggest pheromone-wise, but I certainly know what you're going through and all about the brutal pecking order of the academic world. It is hard for some staff to adjust to the fact that someone who was a student is now at the same level as them - they will always see them as "beneath" them. Ultimately some people you will just never be able to get along with in any way other than being civil and professional to each other. The fact that you have the friendship of the other boys helps - chances are they don't like her much either, and you will probably have them on your side if anything got really nasty between the two of you.

 

Hope it all works out!

[dolphindolls2]

I've been in that situation before, however not in an "academic world" scenario. I was an employee for many years at a company and then promoted to supervisor and then later manager of the department I was once an employee in. I had three woman who made my life a living hell. The company I worked for was on a hiring freeze and the thought process of the executive team was that someone in the position was better then no one since they could not let someone go and then replace them. So for 3 years I had to put up with these 3 undermining my authority at every corner and then finally the executives had all they could handle of these folks and one by one let these woman go.

 

 

 

I would kill her with kindness, that is what I did with these goof balls an it really worked...

[Dolly]

I got a job last year in the same lab that I did my PhD. You know how there are some people who just don't get along? There was a woman in the lab (let's call her KW) who really rubbed me the wrong way, but I couldn't do or say anything about it because she was staff and I was just a student. (The academic pecking order is brutal.) Anyways, I finally finished and was offered a job, and accepted it because science jobs are few and far between.

 

Anyways, I was placed in an office with her for all of two weeks before she left for maternity leave. Since she went off to have her baby the dynamics of our four-person office shifted to a huge degree - the boys in my office and I get along really well. The problem is that KW is returning to work in a few weeks, and will be coming back to her old desk in our cozy little office.

 

Really, what it comes down to is that we just don't like eachother - we can get along if we have to, but we are certainly not eachothers' friend.

 

I'd love to try out a phero that might help either to get her to respect me more (she is having trouble adjusting to me being her equal rather than just another student), or that will chill me out a bit (so it's more of a water-off-a-duck's-back kind of deal on my side), or both. I was thinking something like Swimming with Sharks.

 

All advice welcome

 

Swimming With Sharks would be very good for the respect arena......if you want things to just be "happier", you could go with something like Open Windows or even Treasured Hearts.....

[MissHazel]

Could you invest in a full set of wax melts and melt them at work on different days. See what phero makes her less of a beast and then buy that in a perfume?

 

edit: minus the sexy ones of course

 

maybe some G2?

Edited February 11, 2013 by MissHazel

[goddesslynne]

I've had great luck with my samples of Empathy & Harmony. More so than my Empathy Potion UN spray. If I recall correctly, Mara tweaked the formula slightly when she made the scented version.

 

I also second Dolly's suggestion of Open Windows. It will reinforce all the good vibes with you and your friendly office-mates, and it might soften the returning one as well.

 

I'd start trying out pheros now, to make sure you get the best fit for you and the friendly office mates before the other one returns.

[BlueBear]

Swimming with the Sharks is good, as is Open Windows. (That one will really get the happy vibes going!) If you all actually have to do projects together, Perfect Match is good. I've found that it enhances teamwork. Of course, if she is undermining you and pretty much just being nasty, you may have to Leather her. I've found that I never had to Leather a cantakerous coworker more than twice before the dynamic was shifted for good.

[MissHazel]

Of course, if she is undermining you and pretty much just being nasty, you may have to Leather her. I've found that I never had to Leather a cantakerous coworker more than twice before the dynamic was shifted for good.

 

 

I think that's going to be my new favorite line for difficult people, "welll....you may have to Leather them."

[Rosebud]

I've been in similar situations a few times too. I get what the advice given by the others comes from, but for me it's not worked. I don't know if its because the type of hierarchy/pecking order that we have in the scientific/medical field is very specific for our field. In my experience wearing swimming with sharks, Dominance or Leather,(but especially SwS) made the situation worse. My guess is that it's because of the specific environment/culture that you find in medicine/science. With me wearing Swimming with sharks, I'm no longer just someone that he/she dislikes but I also walk around with an air of "I'm competent & good at what I do", and in the medical/scientific setting that then makes me more of a threat & competition than what I was before when he/she just disliked me.

 

For me, the best options have turned out to be to ignore the person who dislikes me in the phero equation. I focus on me entirely & go for phero's that soothe/calm me or brighten my mood. It may not make the other person like me more, but I feel better and as a result am less stressed at work...which in the long run gets noticed by seniors & other co-workers. So end result is basically I feel better & also come across as behaving better compared to the muppet who for whatever reason dislikes me.

My personal favourites are B2, Heart & Soul, and Perfect Match, but sometimes I also wear PP or Open windows.

Edited February 11, 2013 by Rosebud

[Potion Master]

Sharks is good to try, then I was going to suggest Treasured Hearts (which works for me in similar dynamics). Maybe even G2 or Teddy BB. I would be very interested to see how she behaves if you use something Est heavy one day as an experiment. If she is hostile, it might just mean she likes to be the only girl in the room.

[tyvey]

C, it would be helpful to know more about her personality -- I think not having that piece of info is partly responsible for the wide variety of responses.

[Celrynnya]

I'm trying very hard to not bad-mouth her, because I am sure that the problem between us is at least half my fault. She is one of those people who is very set in her ways - she doesn't like changing her approach to things, preferring to stick with what has worked in the past. She tries to micro-manage a lot, and will try to push other people to do things her way - including her boss. Assertive to the extreme, one might say. She comes across as arrogant, mostly because she believes that she has seniority over people because she's worked there longer.

 

As for me, I have very strong views about science - you can't change things you do in the lab willy nilly, and you need to stick to the basic principles of the scientific method. I try to be more of a peace-maker, and would rather compromise than demand that my way is the right way. Respect is very important to me, be it how I treat other (even those I don't like) or how others treat me. I don't think it is right for anyone to treat their co-workers poorly.

 

I hope that helps!

[Calii]

This is an interesting thread,the "assertive to the extreme" throws flags to me... I just don't know which way to go,heh,I already don't like her. Whatever you try,give it a week before trying another. Be prepared that unfortunately nothing may work,and it truly sux to have to spend so many hours of your life in an armed camp

[goddesslynne]

I would definitely add some Jinx No More to the mix!

[BlueBear]

I would definitely add some Jinx No More to the mix!

 

This!!

[tyvey]

C, based on the additional info, IMO Leather/Dom type blends could be a DISASTER especially since it isn't super congruent with you and/or the way it sounds as though you've been to date. It would just be a red flag to a bull.

 

SWS was first to mind in your original post and in your shoes it would still be my top choice. Elicits respect and cooperativeness from all, including those with superiority complexes, like the person you describe.

 

As a less obvious choice, you might also experiment with Cougar. I've found it can turn supercilious women into purring kittehs.

[Celrynnya]

Thank you all so much for your suggestions!

 

I think I'll get something with Swimming with Sharks in it (or unscented) for days where I want to superhero "POW! RESPECT ME!" her, and maybe something with Heart and Soul or Mother's Little Helper to smooth out the edges on days where I just want to avoid direct confrontations.

[Raq On]

Interesting thread. C, since you are a peacemaker, I think anything too dominant would be incongruent, as well a EST. Sometimes EST blends make me wishy washy and meepy.

[tyvey]

Oo, MLH is a very interesting idea!

[LadyVictoria]

Here's something I think might help.. Cuddle Bunny. My ex vagina fangs boss- was very much like this. Whenever I would wear Cuddle Bunny around her she would adore me and hire a parade to float me around town for a bit. I mean like GUSH. It made working with her very tolerable- and for the record- we are the same age, well she is a couple of years older, and we are both mothers.- but we have different personalities- dont know if this will help or not/

Edited February 12, 2013 by LadyVictoria

[signalfire]

Great thread!!!

 

I can't add anything except I wonder if all the possible solutions have to be in the Un-Scented department. Most hospitals and offices have strong no-fragrance rules now due to allergies, etc. Besides which if you come in under the radar, you'll be better able to determine which pheromones might be working either to make you happier in spite of her, or morph her behavior. Keep in mind even if you find something that works, you might need to mix it up every so often to keep everyone from becoming inured to the effects.

 

Aaaannndddd, look on the bright side; I returned to work for a grand total of a few HOURS after my first was born. I fell apart being away from him, like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. If she's financially able to at all, she may just decide not to return full time and her influence in the department will diminish.

 

BTW people, even though there's days I feel like I *look* like my avatar, seeing Celrynnya's picture gave me a double take. For me it's like looking into a mirror 20 or 30 years ago. Weird

[signalfire]

P.S.; I'll go look up the thread, but would someone like to explain exactly what effect 'Leather' has on people? I can guess, but I'd love to hear the anecdotes

[Celrynnya]

I went ahead and got a bottle of Lick of Cream boosted with with Mother's Little Helper; and let me tell you, LoC was no where near heavy enough to cover it. It really does need something heavier and muskier, because the phero note dried down like pee on my skin. Still, at least I now have a sweet base for MLH to layer a heavier scent over

[MissHazel]

That's a bummer. I'm kind of in the same boat trying to layer my UNs and coplins correctly. that's a bummer about lick of cream

You could always try getting another LOC bottle in trade and mixing both the bottles together and divying them up to dilute the MLH? It's a shame but it sounds like suh a great scent (I have some coming in trade.)