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QueenofLimbo

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Welcome! I think you will have a blast here. :D

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Welcome :)

 

Wow what a story. I know you said you were just winging it.. what outcome do you foresee ?

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This sounds tricky. Especially since you guys live together at present. If he DOES start dating other women, I have a feeling it's gonna cause a hell of alot of at best awkwardness and at worst hostility in your home life. And your home is your haven, you don't want that.

I'm sorta confused as to the actual reason he broke up with you in "round 2".

"Moving too fast" and "being scared" are very vague reasons to give you. And if they really ARE his reasons for not being with you, then why is he trying to date others? I dunno. My bullshit-o-meter is sounding a bit here. Not on your part,but his.

Could a large part of the problem be that your living together?? Maybe he's scared of a volatile living situation.

Its a big step, but could you possibly move? You could date each other maybe and take things slower,but still have your own respected houses to go to should things get rocky...just a thought.

Phero wise, I honestly wouldn't go TOO sexual, cause sex is sex,not love,and even if it happens it doesn't guarantee a damn thing.

I'd try Cougar maybe, or one of the newer ones like Gotcha or Perfect Match. I've never tried Gotcha,but I've heard great things,and PM is alot like the old Soulmate phero. I tried it for the first time today and had a wonderful experience.

Maybe look into BAM too. I mean sex is awesome,don't get me wrong. If it happens in addition to bonding, great!

But I think your after more than that, which is why I'd go with more of a bonding type of phero.

Good luck though! Y'all sound kinda like Ross & Rachel or somethin!

Keep us posted on the sitch,and what you order!

 

ETA: I just reread your post, it says you THINK he got scared and moved too fast. Hmm.

What was the actual reason he gave for breaking up with you?

Edited by cheeseburger79
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Welcome to LP and a great NEW obsession!

 

I 3rd Cheeseburger79 and missdarlyncherie on getting your own space, dating, Gotcha AND Perfect Match...and make sure, in a human pathological way, he isn't paying you back for past hurts...sometimes people do stupid things like that....Sometimes miserable people have a thing for making other people miserable...and THAT'S something I was told by a self proclaimed miserable person....

 

The thing with bonding type blends too is that sometimes you lay a lot out on the table...make sure you're ready to hear it all...and work through it if need be :heart708:

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This sounds tricky. Especially since you guys live together at present. If he DOES start dating other women, I have a feeling it's gonna cause a hell of alot of at best awkwardness and at worst hostility in your home life. And your home is your haven, you don't want that.

I'm sorta confused as to the actual reason he broke up with you in "round 2".

"Moving too fast" and "being scared" are very vague reasons to give you. And if they really ARE his reasons for not being with you, then why is he trying to date others? I dunno. My bullshit-o-meter is sounding a bit here. Not on your part,but his.

Could a large part of the problem be that your living together?? Maybe he's scared of a volatile living situation.

Its a big step, but could you possibly move? You could date each other maybe and take things slower,but still have your own respected houses to go to should things get rocky...just a thought.

Phero wise, I honestly wouldn't go TOO sexual, cause sex is sex,not love,and even if it happens it doesn't guarantee a damn thing.

I'd try Cougar maybe, or one of the newer ones like Gotcha or Perfect Match. I've never tried Gotcha,but I've heard great things,and PM is alot like the old Soulmate phero. I tried it for the first time today and had a wonderful experience.

Maybe look into BAM too. I mean sex is awesome,don't get me wrong. If it happens in addition to bonding, great!

But I think your after more than that, which is why I'd go with more of a bonding type of phero.

Good luck though! Y'all sound kinda like Ross & Rachel or somethin!

Keep us posted on the sitch,and what you order!

 

ETA: I just reread your post, it says you THINK he got scared and moved too fast. Hmm.

What was the actual reason he gave for breaking up with you?

Welcome Queen of Limbo. I did read your story and I am going to second a few of Cheeseburger's sentiments here. things being as confusing as they are with you guys, maybe going strictly for pheros to amp up the sex factor could not only make it more difficult to know where you really stand, but actually confuse things more.

Also, Cheezy's bullshit alarm is going off and I think I hear it too. Maybe a good approach would be to try something like TMI? I have not tried it, but many people here sing its praises for having a truth serum sort of effect. Then again, anything which would encourage open communication to simply cut through the BS. Why not consider trying a mult-lateral approach and take Cheezy's advice about the Cougar, PM, throw in some TMI and mix it up and see what happens.

Again, welcome Queen of Limbo and good luck with your situation. You will get some good opinions and advice from the people here. They rock!

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Welcome to LP and a great NEW obsession!

 

I 3rd Cheeseburger79 and missdarlyncherie on getting your own space, dating, Gotcha AND Perfect Match...and make sure, in a human pathological way, he isn't paying you back for past hurts...sometimes people do stupid things like that....Sometimes miserable people have a thing for making other people miserable...and THAT'S something I was told by a self proclaimed miserable person....

 

The thing with bonding type blends too is that sometimes you lay a lot out on the table...make sure you're ready to hear it all...and work through it if need be :heart708:

 

Hey all, thanks for your input. There are actually multiple reasons- it's a super complicated situation. And believe me. We've talked about a lotttt of rough stuff. One thing I want to assure all of you folks- I really do trust him. He's had opportunities to hide things from me but he hasn't. He's had the opportunity to lie to me but he's always told the truth, even if it hurts. I respect the hell out of him, and he respects me. Anyhow, I appreciate your comments. I have been thinking seriously about Gotcha! I wish I could still get my hands on Honeyed Love Potion, it sounds yummy!

Edited by QueenofLimbo
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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi Queen of Limbo! And welcome! I am a little late to the party, but things are crazy in my business right now!

 

I agree wholeheartedly with the no sex blends advice. That would confuse things even more. You know, he possibly backed off because he was feeling like it was a rebound situation. Rebound romances can be whirlwinds, and can be wonderfully exciting but also generally end badly. Maybe based on the fact that the two of you have prior history he didn't want it to end with hard feelings between the two of you, so he stopped the romance dead in its tracks before it went too far. He would rather have you as a friend in the long-term than a lover now and a possible enemy later. Maybe he doesn't want you to feel the hurt that he felt when you broke it off the first time.

 

 

I say go with bonding blends first.....Perfect Match, Treasured Hearts, TMI.....maybe some other socials like Open Windows and Cougar......talk it out.....talk it to death if you have to.....continue to be close friends and let him see the best parts of you. Things will work out as they should be.

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  • 3 months later...

So I know it's been a few months, but things have been crazy busy for me. Figured I'd update. On the LP side, I have noticed that I absolutely cannot wear Gotcha around him. 98% of the time I do, he has a terrible night. I'm guessing that's the "letting go of his inhibitions and opening up" part, but the last thing I want to do is make him more miserable.

Edited by QueenofLimbo
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I agree with Invi.....try Open Windows......it is a great blend. Mood-elevating and upbeat. Treasured Hearts is another gem.....

 

I would lay off the Gotcha.....in general MOST men react well to Est, but some absolutely DO NOT. It starts fights in my household, unless tempered with something more dominant. If he is having a bad response to the Est, and then coupling it with the B-Nol, which turns some people into blabbermouths.....probably not right for your situation.

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Hmm I should have made this post before I made an order... I would have thrown in something with Open Windows and Treasured Hearts! :(

 

Thanks for the suggestion, I might have to make another order before December. (eep)

 

Yeah, I didn't notice the correlation at first but when I did, it was eye-opening. Other people react pretty well when I wear it but he turns into a blubbering mess. Which is of course not the reaction I want, despite his feeling that he can trust me and tell me anything.

Edited by QueenofLimbo
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As an aside, maybe you want to experiment with un-pheroed scents that naturally draw men in? Two big ones on that list are pumpkin and lavender, but there are many types of smells men respond well to. Original Love Potion was crafted for that purpose. Alongside Open Windows you could try a couple samples that have ingredients intended to be "romantic"--you never know! When I met my BF, I was wearing an unpheroed PE I'd recently done, and it's heavy on vanilla which is a known attractant. He was sniffing my ear in the sexiest way imaginable.

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I agree with Invi.....try Open Windows......it is a great blend. Mood-elevating and upbeat. Treasured Hearts is another gem.....

 

I would lay off the Gotcha.....in general MOST men react well to Est, but some absolutely DO NOT. It starts fights in my household, unless tempered with something more dominant. If he is having a bad response to the Est, and then coupling it with the B-Nol, which turns some people into blabbermouths.....probably not right for your situation.

 

Do you really think it's the Est? He's always been emotional and some nights he cries without me wearing any pheros at all. Sadly I think it has to do with the fact that he drinks a lot and has some form of depression (I've tried to get him to go to a therapist but he's resistant to that idea). He doesn't seem like the type that wouldn't react well to Est as he's always talking about how he likes to be the chivalric "knight in shining armor" type, but then again, when he fell in love with me back in the day, I was kind of the one who rescued HIM...

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Do you really think it's the Est? He's always been emotional and some nights he cries without me wearing any pheros at all. Sadly I think it has to do with the fact that he drinks a lot and has some form of depression (I've tried to get him to go to a therapist but he's resistant to that idea). He doesn't seem like the type that wouldn't react well to Est as he's always talking about how he likes to be the chivalric "knight in shining armor" type, but then again, when he fell in love with me back in the day, I was kind of the one who rescued HIM...

 

Well, you never know....the reason I threw that out there is because there are a couple of us here (me and Beccah for sure) who have men who do not do well with large amounts of Est......my man seems like the type that would be perfectly aligned with Est, but he is definitely NOT. I have had times when he had a good reaction and sometimes when it was "meh", but mostly it is BAD. Fights where he said some horrible things.....totally out of character for him. I mean, we have arguments just like any other couple, and he downright pisses me OFF sometimes, BUT he never says really nasty, ugly things to me. It only happens when I wear too much Est without something more dominant to balance it......Many of Mara's good-selling blends will never ever be worn by me around him.....because after the last big round we had, I just decided it just isn't worth it. There are too many others here that he just loves on me.

 

A friend of mine actually threw out a theory on it.....Est is a phero that is secreted only by pregnant women. My man and his wife were fighting the whole time she was pregnant (all three times).....she got pregnant on purpose because he wanted a divorce, he decided to stay for his children, and she then proceeded to make his life hell. So, even though he loves his kids, there may be something in sensing the Est that makes my man react poorly in his subconscious.....it sort of makes sense to me.

 

 

I still say try Open Windows.....it is definitely mood elevating.....both for the wearer and the target(s). That one may help lift his spirits.

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GAH! I remember reading this thread, but I think I was too engrossed with your story and all the good advice everyone was giving, and I forgot to say, Welcome to the Forum! :blush: Sorry!

About your friend getting weepy and blubbery while you're wearing Gotcha! - I wonder if it could be the b-nol? It's about half-way down the ingredient list, but it's definitely in there. Maybe he's super-sensitive to it, especially since he might already have some form of depression? I am prone to bouts of clinical depression, and I know that when I wear too much b-nol it makes me feel blue. I try not to over-do it with b-nol blends. Just a thought.

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Apparently I somehow missed this thread. Sorry for that! :)

 

Welcome to the forum! I'm not a person to give relationship advices, but luckily we have many wiser ladies here. I hope you'll find something here that helps in your situation, and that it works out well for you one way or another.

 

And again, welcome and enjoy the place! Hugs :)

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  • 2 weeks later...

Also, for the record, if I wear SS4W, which has Est in it, he doesn't react negatively... So maybe it IS the B-nol...? If that's the case, am I going to have to worry about Open Windows?

I doubt it. OW is a HAPPY-HAPPY kind of blend. I've never ever been effected negatively by it. Not even a little. (And I'm a bit sensitive to b-nol).

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Thanks, hah! Yeah, I'd rather it be the B-nol than the Est...

I would not completely write off either without more practice. But, I will say I had a similar experience with Gotcha with a friend. I actually thought about it afterward.. I felt a little guilty but on further retrospection I feel it just brought something to the fore that was already there. It has not happened since and the moment, though slightly intense, was actually a revelation. .

So yea, probably the B-nol.Try a happy b-nol like Heart and Soul, very different.

 

Est is a pretty happy phero for the most part but only time will tell.

 

My 69 year old mother does not do well with wearing OW.. go figure.

Edited by StacyK
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