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Help! What phero to help me be more open?


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Oh dear, I think I painted a really awful picture of my fiance. I'm not offended, and I understand where all of you are coming from. Had I been reading this thread not knowing he and I, I would have reacted the same - all my memories of previous ex boyfriends who treated me like shit coming back, and I'd be a raging bitch wanting to fight for the woman in my situation.

 

As Eggers says, he really is clueless and his desire to help others got him taken advantage of - at the expense of me feeling uncomfortable.

Now of course I will lay some ground rules moving forward, you can be sure of that. This was the first instance when something like this happened since we've been together. I am carefully planning my next "talk" with him :) So far we've been on excellent terms, so I really don't want to screw that up...

 

Yes, I am upset at what happened. I called my mom today and finally was able to tell her what happened. She laughed hysterically at the thong picture I painted, and then she told me I need to have him understand what I expect of him in situations like this. Of course she understood how I felt. She added "What more you needed was for you to come home and find her walking around naked, and him to say - that's just what my friend does". But she knows him, and that at his age he probably didn't know what to do.

 

The trouble was he got upset I insinuated there may be something going on between them. So he got defensive. In the future I know not to do that again. Had I not don that, I would have maintained the power...

 

As for her - I am done interacting with her. That is for sure. If I have to be around her at his work events, I will find a way to manage, but I will most likely DOM her. :smiley-sex010: And maybe sprinkle some cops, too. I still have to figure out the wedding situation...

The bathroom... ehhh... I was thinking I would leave it as is, for his parents to see... and say "yeah, one of his girl friends' stayed over..." :666:

Edited by phergineer
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Phergineer, I have devoted much of my pheromone testing to seeing which blends can make it easier for me to interact better with others. And like you I've found that while many blends are fantastic for altering other people's behaviour, they don't seem to have much of an impact on me, or if they do it's a subtle one. Like Lace makes me feel very girly and beautiful, but that doesn't make me much more sociable, etc.

 

I truly believe that strong introverts will not necessarily experience the same high level of self-effects of social blends. True Confessions and TMI don't make me spill the beans, even wearing them practically up my nostrils, TH causes a nice feeling amongst the gathering, but won't alter my level of openness. Same with OW, and H & S.

 

A large dose of Lumina works well for me, because even though I still feel quite uncomfortable around others, the glittery-eyed joy they find in me seems to move things beyond the level where that even matters very much. A large dose of Flying potion can also make me more upbeat and makes people enjoy being around me a lot.

 

I have not discovered any blend that can actually turn me into a temporary extrovert, or that even completely takes my social anxiety away. The most I hope for is to use the blends that make others respond better to me, which can make me a little more comfortable, and to try to fake a bit more social interaction than is natural for me.

 

ETA: Don't know if this is an introvert thing, but if you're like me I'd advise steering clear of LFM- it makes me way too inwardly focused and intense.

Edited by vladmyra
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Phergineer, I have devoted much of my pheromone testing to seeing which blends can make it easier for me to interact better with others. And like you I've found that while many blends are fantastic for altering other people's behaviour, they don't seem to have much of an impact on me, or if they do it's a subtle one. Like Lace makes me feel very girly and beautiful, but that doesn't make me much more sociable, etc.

 

I truly believe that strong introverts will not necessarily experience the same high level of self-effects of social blends. True Confessions and TMI don't make me spill the beans, even wearing them practically up my nostrils, TH causes a nice feeling amongst the gathering, but won't alter my level of openness. Same with OW, and H & S.

 

A large dose of Lumina works well for me, because even though I still feel quite uncomfortable around others, the glittery-eyed joy they find in me seems to move things beyond the level where that even matters very much. A large dose of Flying potion can also make me more upbeat and makes people enjoy being around me a lot.

 

I have not discovered any blend that can actually turn me into a temporary extrovert, or that even completely takes my social anxiety away. The most I hope for is to use the blends that make others respond better to me, which can make me a little more comfortable, and to try to fake a bit more social interaction than is natural for me.

 

Thanks for sharing!!! Sounds just like me in terms of the social blends! The only ones I have yet to try are TMI and Flying Potion.

I guess I will give Lumina another try :)

I think in a more intimate setting, Lace would still work well for me. It got the ladies in my glass studio interact a lot more with me, even though they usually don't talk to me much. One of them even told the instructor she thinks I'm always unhappy and unapproachable a few months ago... I know I can come across that way, because I close off - but I am far from depressed! I am usually just so focused on my project, I forget everything and everyone around me (wait, don't introverts do that anyway? :))

 

I was hoping Popularity Potion would be good too, but I don't think it's good unless I'm in a setting of people I already know.

 

I tried H&S with a few girl friends - they were talkative to begin with. I just became a listener. Treasured Hearts has yet to show any sort of effects, on myself or those around me.

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I'm just curious if you've tried SS4W in a social setting? I find it gives me a big boost of confidence, but it also acts like a Best Friend magnet for me. Women of all ages tend to flock to me, & gab my ears off. (It whollops men over the head, too, but that's not the point! ;) ). I tend to wear it in situations where I suspect I might be uncomfortable, because it takes the pressure off me to come up with stuff to talk about. Just a thought. :)

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I'm just curious if you've tried SS4W in a social setting? I find it gives me a big boost of confidence, but it also acts like a Best Friend magnet for me. Women of all ages tend to flock to me, & gab my ears off. (It whollops men over the head, too, but that's not the point! ;) ). I tend to wear it in situations where I suspect I might be uncomfortable, because it takes the pressure off me to come up with stuff to talk about. Just a thought. :)

I did!!! I tried it last Friday for the first time, and wow!!! Men - ehh, can't say I noticed anything over the top, but women were really chatty and friendly, at least in stores. However, when I got to my fiance's work outing, I was either tired, or I got overwhelmed with the amount of people in the bar. Plus I ended up at the edge of a booth, when everyone was siting at a long table... I didn't get to interact with more than 3 people. It was fine for me in that I can deal with 3 people and we got past superficial chit-chat, but it wasn't a proper testing of SS4W in a large crowd and how it affects me as an introvert. :)

I have to test it again in a larger setting.

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Thanks for sharing!!! Sounds just like me in terms of the social blends! The only ones I have yet to try are TMI and Flying Potion.

I guess I will give Lumina another try :)

I think in a more intimate setting, Lace would still work well for me. It got the ladies in my glass studio interact a lot more with me, even though they usually don't talk to me much. One of them even told the instructor she thinks I'm always unhappy and unapproachable a few months ago... I know I can come across that way, because I close off - but I am far from depressed! I am usually just so focused on my project, I forget everything and everyone around me (wait, don't introverts do that anyway? :))

 

I was hoping Popularity Potion would be good too, but I don't think it's good unless I'm in a setting of people I already know.

 

I tried H&S with a few girl friends - they were talkative to begin with. I just became a listener. Treasured Hearts has yet to show any sort of effects, on myself or those around me.

I get no selifies from TH except that at least I'm able to enjoy the time I'm spending with family. I don't get big hits, it's subtle but definitely there, the effect it has. It took sometime for me to work that out (like a year). I suggested it because as a social phero it's a friendly social without causing the uber-chattyness, and it's somewhat neutral not causing you to appear to girly or weak. Est blends were my favs at first and I still love them but if I really want to be one of the group, and not worry my phero signature is throwing anyone off, IMO, TH is the go to. You can add cops later when your alone for a close sexy vibe. Also, for me, when I have a lot on my mind, sometimes B'nol blends sometimes cause me to get introspective which is fine but not if I don't want the extra distraction.

Though I'd definitely recomend some Gotcha for one on one time or date night with your man.

Edited by StacyK
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Yeah, it's that increased openness I seek too, and which continues to elude me. I didn't mention SS4W myself, even though it's a favourite, because for me it makes people admire me, and compliment me, inspires DIHL, etc. But it kind of keeps me a little more removed from people, and unless I'm in a position to play an active role in closer interaction with those around me, it won't encourage them to approach me first. Once I get talking to people they say the nicest things to me with this blend though. But for fitting into a larger group I wouldn't chose it myself.

 

One blend that I actually like to wear as a social is Sexology, but in a clean scent, not the scented Sexology perfume. I hesitate to mention this because it is a sexual blend with cops, but if you're going out with your finace and his family/friends, or staying in with them, I can't see what's wrong with it. Others may disagree.

 

I mention it because it makes people seem to feel closer to me (men and women), and inspires the sort of slightly deeper, more genuine conversation I do better with than idle chitchat. It also makes me feel beautiful, calm and sexy, and I feel adored by others. Almost glowy even. Yeah, it makes me glowy and serene. People are gentle and thoughtful with me when I wear this.

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If you're engaged to him then he must have some great qualities! I've known and loved men who did stuff like this that hurt my feelings because they didn't want to hurt other people's feelings and they didn't realise how unpleasant the situation was for me. It sounds like maybe this is what is happening with your fiance. I knew it was their desire to please people and not some masterful campaign of malice because when I talked to them about it they were dumbstruck and mortified that they had caused me pain inadvertently. And I guess that's what some of us have been concerned about: that your fiance's response has seemed (as related second-hand via the boards) perhaps not as sensitive and supportive toward your comfort as we would hope. We just want to see you treated as wonderfully as you deserve. But the two of you are working it out and you'll get there, I'm sure.

 

I find Gotcha! to be an excellent social and the cops are gentle. I don't know the actual numbers of course but based on the smell, stated intention, and my own experience I feel totally safe wearing this out anywhere. If you want to feel more chatty might you try Topper over it. Not sure if you have that ATM but that's one to try if you do.

 

If she comes to your wedding just ignore her beyond basic courtesy. I'm not sure how big it's going to be but at every wedding I've attended the newlyweds were very busy. I think it would be pretty easy, even at a small wedding, to seat someone away from you and get by with just a friendly greeting and thanks for coming as your only interaction all day.

 

As vladmyra notes, Sexology is great for that bonding and cuddle side of things and of course the Est has its lovely lady magic, but the cops might not be right for you in social situations (YMMV). To get a similar feeling you might go for another Est and b-nol-heavy blend. Heart & Soul's first two ingredients are Est and b-nol, though of course there are other things in there, too. Empathy Potion is B-nol and then Est, though again there are other ingredients to consider that take things in a different direction.

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Hmm, my dad is an artist & very introverted. He can go for extremely long periods of time w/out social interaction & be perfectly happy with that. If you're not the social butterfly maybe forcing it with pheromones isn't the key? Like I'm mostly extroverted so I wouldn't think "women of mystery" blends would be my jam. Maybe something soothing like Balm Bomb would work better for you in social situations? Popularity Potion & Open Windows seem to be nice, more "hands off" blends. Treasured Hearts, of course is great for uncomfortable situations. I think if I were more introverted I would be avoiding the blends w/ "warm fuzziness" to them.

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Hmm, my dad is an artist & very introverted. He can go for extremely long periods of time w/out social interaction & be perfectly happy with that. If you're not the social butterfly maybe forcing it with pheromones isn't the key? Like I'm mostly extroverted so I wouldn't think "women of mystery" blends would be my jam. Maybe something soothing like Balm Bomb would work better for you in social situations? Popularity Potion & Open Windows seem to be nice, more "hands off" blends. Treasured Hearts, of course is great for uncomfortable situations. I think if I were more introverted I would be avoiding the blends w/ "warm fuzziness" to them.

Beccah, which ones are the ones with "warm fuzziness"?...

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Well, to clarify, I mean avoiding them for socializing in large groups. Having everyone trying to bond with you on a deeper level might be overwhelming, imo. I would say Open Windows would be better than Levitation (in this instance) for you. Treasured Hearts would be preferable over Heart & Soul, Popularity Potion over Perfect Match & etc.. This, of course, is my personal opinion. How these wear IRL, for you, could be completely different than how I'm imagining that they will. I will say as an extrovert there have been times when the effectiveness of the blends have been a tad disconcerting. Example: Cougar. On more than one occasion I've found myself in the center of a circle of men just intently listening to me talk. G2 has that effect with women. I think if I were an introvert that would be unsettling to me.

Edited by Beccah
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If you're not the social butterfly maybe forcing it with pheromones isn't the key?

I would agree with this simply because I never want to be the center of attention - it fact it makes me nauseous to even think of such a thing - merely feel somewhat more relaxed in a larger social setting.

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I'm an introvert who has always wanted to be a little more outgoing. I treasure my "me" time probably more so than the next person, but I do want to develop that quality of being more at ease around other people (that's something I've worked on all my life) - not just to get attention, per se, but just to feel more comfortable in my own skin. So for someone like me, the "put yourself out there" qualities of certain pheros seem to work nicely. They seem to match not only my chemistry, but my goals.

 

I have been talking a lot about Cougar, so I'm sorry to bring it up again, LOL, but for someone like me (don't know if this is you, OP, but maybe it will be helpful?), it doesn't seem to force attention or anything, it just makes people feel really good around me. And it makes me feel really good, not in any frantic "I've got to have attention" way but in a relaxed and friendly way.

 

Everyone seems to react differently to different pheros, and our own chemistry is undoubtedly a part of that, but our basic natures may be a part of it too. And our goals - what we want to project (and how we wish to feel).

 

Now if I were 100% happy with my introverted nature, I doubt I'd be experimenting with pheros at all in order to make myself be more extraverted, you know? I do believe that wherever people are happiest, that's where they should stay and not try to force things. :)

 

Everybody is so different, and everybody reacts so differently to various blends...I find it totally fascinating!

Edited by WildAutumn
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If you're engaged to him then he must have some great qualities! I've known and loved men who did stuff like this that hurt my feelings because they didn't want to hurt other people's feelings and they didn't realise how unpleasant the situation was for me. It sounds like maybe this is what is happening with your fiance. I knew it was their desire to please people and not some masterful campaign of malice because when I talked to them about it they were dumbstruck and mortified that they had caused me pain inadvertently. And I guess that's what some of us have been concerned about: that your fiance's response has seemed (as related second-hand via the boards) perhaps not as sensitive and supportive toward your comfort as we would hope. We just want to see you treated as wonderfully as you deserve. But the two of you are working it out and you'll get there, I'm sure.

 

I find Gotcha! to be an excellent social and the cops are gentle. I don't know the actual numbers of course but based on the smell, stated intention, and my own experience I feel totally safe wearing this out anywhere. If you want to feel more chatty might you try Topper over it. Not sure if you have that ATM but that's one to try if you do.

 

If she comes to your wedding just ignore her beyond basic courtesy. I'm not sure how big it's going to be but at every wedding I've attended the newlyweds were very busy. I think it would be pretty easy, even at a small wedding, to seat someone away from you and get by with just a friendly greeting and thanks for coming as your only interaction all day.

 

As vladmyra notes, Sexology is great for that bonding and cuddle side of things and of course the Est has its lovely lady magic, but the cops might not be right for you in social situations (YMMV). To get a similar feeling you might go for another Est and b-nol-heavy blend. Heart & Soul's first two ingredients are Est and b-nol, though of course there are other things in there, too. Empathy Potion is B-nol and then Est, though again there are other ingredients to consider that take things in a different direction.

Donsie - I cannot express how grateful I am for the support I've received on the forum. I am overwhelmed by everyone's response, really. I know you all mean well, and I feel blessed to have found LPMP and its members. It's like another family! So thank you, I did not mean to sound dismissive or ungrateful :)

 

Also, I appreciate your suggestions. I only tried Sexology III and the scent did not agree with me, but I have an unscented version coming in the order I placed last week. I am so new to this, I am a little scared to wear sexual blend in public!

 

I tried Levitation today - for the first time. It was in a fairly small setting, only 4 of us, in a dive/sports bar, and I already knew one of them pretty well. It was me and 3 males, coworkers. I can't say I noticed much openness on my side, but I could engage in conversation. They acted like guys and talked about gadgets and sports. Nothing out of the ordinary. I didn't feel out of place, that's for sure (other than the dive bar!), but as I said, it was a small setting. Plus, I think I can always strike up a conversation with nerdy guys more than I can with women...

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You haven't sounded dismissive or ungrateful! You've let a bunch of people on the internet comment on your life and have been extremely chill and polite about it!

 

I'm so sorry you didn't get on with Sexology III. It's one of my favourites but I can see how it might be too-too for people. If you don't feel comfortable then leave it for now. There are lots of others to try in public!

 

Sounds like you might want to do a bit more experimentation with Levitation by varying the amount used and the audience. At least it didn't make you feel uncomfortable.

 

I agree with the introverts upthread. Maybe the best way to go about this is to try using blends for making yourself feel more comfortable with certain social situations rather than opening yourself up to being a centre of attention. What if it works and then you're left feeling miserable because people won't leave you alone, you know? Take you time -- you don't have to find the perfect one right away!

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That's wonderful that Levitation worked for you. I'd only suggested Open Windows over Levitation because DHEAS (in Levitation) can add some nervous tension and/or make things mushy. As I recall, Eggers prefers Open Windows for her job.

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I do! Levitation makes people too huggy for my liking - at work, at least! :lol: Open Windows keeps them friendly... but from a safe distance. I also get better self-effects from Open Windows for some reason. Levitation can sometimes make me feel a little bit grumpy & out of sorts - not really in my element - whereas OW makes me feel like I'm right at home wherever I am. It is, without a doubt, my favourite phero blend, with SS4W running a close second, for similar but sassier reasons. ;) Those two pheros feel kind of like a second skin, or like my best public "on" face.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Ok ladies/gents, a bit of a change of plans. Flying out to future in laws tomorrow, for the week. Fiancé' s father has some health issues so he needs to be close to his doctors.

Needless to say I will be out of my element, plus in a cold and humid climate, so i have to factor in diffusion. I have the UN trials.

here's what I will be trying: Open windows, Treasured Hearts, Empathy Potion and Balm Bomb.

The twist is that fiancé and I have our own hotel room (phiew...), so after hours I either wash everything off and switch to something more playful, or just add cops.

Thoughts?

Edited by phergineer
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Guest cutie.pie

I remember someone (not sure, but maybe Dolly) mentioning the OW+cops combo, and that it worked really well...

Hope your fiance's father will get well soon! :)

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Nice choices. Bring an OCCo (so you can always just add that on) & something sexy. What sexy type pheros do you have?

I got my OCCO Ambrosia packed! :Emoticons04277:

 

In terms of sexual blends, I have UN trials of Sexspionage, Sexology, Cuddle Bunny (is that considered sexual?), LAM, and Blatant Invitation.

 

Knowing my SO, he's more likely to respond to the softer blends, so I'm betting on Sexology and Cuddle Bunny over Sexspionage and BI.

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I got my OCCO Ambrosia packed! :Emoticons04277:

 

In terms of sexual blends, I have UN trials of Sexspionage, Sexology, Cuddle Bunny (is that considered sexual?), LAM, and Blatant Invitation.

 

Knowing my SO, he's more likely to respond to the softer blends, so I'm betting on Sexology and Cuddle Bunny over Sexspionage and BI.

 

Yes, CB is certainly sexual. Don't let the innocent name fool you! Also, it works a freakin' treat on the softer blend responders. I would imagine that if your fiance if also concerned about his dad or just dealing with holiday family stress the edge in Sexpionage in particular might not feel so much exciting as over-the-top. So, Sexology and CB would be the ones I'd pack for that purpose.

 

I hope his dad gets well soon.

Edited by donsie
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Back from the in-laws last night, and for the first time this trip actually felt more like a vacation. Well, not like a beach resort vacation, but I could relax!

The blend that worked the best turned out to be Treasured Hearts. I could play board games after Thanksgiving dinner, talk to my future in-laws, even to people I had not met before. I even relaxed enough to act a bit more like myself. At one point my fiance was making a kissy face and instead of the proper kiss (more like a peck) I would give him in public, I gave him a tiny silly dog kiss, which I have only ever done in private. Well, his sister witnessed it, and she said, pleasantly surprised, "I've never expected that from you, phergineer!" He was so happy his family got to see more of the real me :)

On the way to the airport, he expressed noticing a difference in my behavior this time versus all previous times I had been around his family and how his family was so happy to spend time with me. He said I was a lot more relaxed and open around everyone.

 

I did try Balm Bomb but that only made me so relaxed, I wanted to go to sleep... I could care less what was going on around me or interact with anyone.

SS4W did not seem to fit the family environment, and I never got to try Empathy Potion.

 

Thank you all for your suggestions!!! :kisses: I will keep experimenting with other pheros and social situations, but I think Treasured Hearts was a great choice in this family gathering case! Please keep in mind that I did not have any "bristly females" to deal with.

Edited by phergineer
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  • 2 weeks later...

Friday was my fiance's work holiday "party". We all went to Top Golf, which is like a driving range, with couches, bar/food - and everyone takes turns swinging the clubs, like in bowling.

I don't know these people well - some not all. Before I left, my fiance asked "Have you figured out the LP scent you're going to wear?"

After some research and the advice on this thread, I decided to try the sample of Far Far Away with Audacious I had bought off the trade threads. It was my first time trying it, so it was a risk, but I didn't think Treasured Hearts or Open Windows would work in this situation.

Well, I am happy to report that although I did not feel like a rock star and I did not notice a huge difference in myself, I was able to talk to everyone, and even enjoy the "golf" part of the evening.

My fiance told me that one of his friends even made a comment to him that "Phergineer's very chatty tonight".

It's true, I was - compared to my usual self, but I was also happy to be able to talk to one of the ladies in the group about the woman who decided to leave her thong in our bathroom hung on the faucet... Apparently I'm not the only one who doesn't like her, and I could finally tell someone else who knows her about my experience. You should have seen their faces! She dropped off uninvited uninvited last week at a party the lady I was talking to was having, and did not make a good impression.

 

Now, Audacious worked... but it's sold out! :( What to do?

Edited by phergineer
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Keep trying I bet after a few try's you'll be able to disern the difference.

To order Aud go to the Mad Scientist area in the Perfumierie. Type in Audacious.

There's a thread where Mara said she'd make more if requested.

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