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Archive: Punxsutawney Immortality Elixir


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Punxetawney Phil might be a lousy weatherman, but do you know how old that groundhog is? Rumor has it he’s 128! Being the scientifically-inclined alchemists that we are here at LPMP, this was a phenomenon we just had to investigate. So we journeyed to Pennsylvania and tracked down the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club president, whacked him on his top-hatted head with his own walking stick and made off with Phil’s magic potion. Subsequent experimentation has enabled us to discover that if you liberally anoint yourself with this powerful elixir, it will add years to your life and help retain your youthful glow. But do not drink it or you'll turn into a hedgehog. (Ask me how I know.) Yep, glamour can be tough, but you can’t put a price on immortal allure.


If you're constantly clamoring for glamour, we’ve got you covered! This potion contains ingredients for longevity, immortality and youthful allure. The temptations of banyan fruit, apple and grapefruit sweetened with maple and placed within the sturdy bonds of balsam and teak, grounded in the renewal of vetiver and earth. To evoke further enchantment, we’ve added our exclusive STONE COUGAR pheromone blend, specifically designed to evoke the impression of youthful fertility, while being an intensely sexually stimulating magnet for drawing young hunks your way.


BANYAN FRUIT ~ A type of Fig, which shares many of the same qualities and also a few of it's own due to it's unique nature. Resourcefulness, endurance, rebirth, eternal life, expansion, enlightenment, desire, interdependence. Wisdom, fertility, love, luck, protection, aids restful sleep, divination. Feminine sexuality. Treat Banyan Trees with respect to avoid the wrath of the tree spirits that dwell within.
APPLE ~ Love, healing, fertility, good luck , happiness, immortality, foretelling spells.
MAPLE ~ Love attraction, longevity; money attractant.
GRAPEFRUIT ~ Refreshes and uplifts the spirit, eases exhaustion; beauty and youth glamour. Lends an aura of "sparkle" to the wearer.
BALSAM ~ Fertility, purification, strength, rejuvenation, calming and soothing, healing, protection, money, long life.
TEAKWOOD ~ Longevity, bonding, weathering all conditions, endurance.
VETIVER ~ Enhances perception of beauty. Love, sensuality, money, luck, hex-breaking.
EARTH ~ Grounding, centering, protection, renewal, reincarnation, life.


Created by: Mara Fox

Description: Julie & Mara

Label art: photograph of silent film star Marie Doro

February 2015


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