Moon Bloom Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 With a lot of the posts that I've read regarding hits when pheros are applied, and the fact that pheros are supposed to enhance what's already there (i.e. If someone doesn't dig you, they won't whether you wear pheros or not), I am wondering about my current situation. Perhaps some of you may be able to shed some light on a very confusing roller-coaster ride. Sometimes my TG (a.k.a "supercrush") is very distant, but other times he'll (should I interpret it as flirting? I don't know) be attentive (not in a physical way). It's been that way since day one, but after he discovered I had a kid, he was like *poof* gone...to me anyway. When I started wearing the pheros, Cougar Potion and Portmanteau (with Perfect Match), he seemed to return to his former pattern of being distant sometimes, flirtyish other times, but he's seemed to be very subtly trying to be in my vacinity during other times when we're in class and he's been having little conversations with me. He's seen me with my kid recently, he's heard me mention her a few times, but he still seems to find a reason to be near me "sometimes", but not others. Hence my confusion. He is quite a bit younger than I am. I guess my real question here is, are the pheros enhancing the fact that he may be interested in me (but there are too many obstacles) and that there is a remote chance that something could come of this or is it that the pheros are playing tricks on his brain and he doesn't really consider me to be an "interest"? I am so confused because with him, the "hits" just keep coming, but sporadically! I guess there's always the good 'ole standby advice: if he's interested in you, he'll let you know it. I keep thinking he is letting me know it....and then NOT!!! WTF!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
liz Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 Hi Moon Bloom, 1st and foremost THANK YOU for understanding that if it's NOT THERE, no amt of pheros will make it happen sometimes guys are MORE complex than we know, just when you think you figure them out, they have yet ANOTHER issue and you're back to square ONE !!!!They REALLY DO NOT GET IT !! SP told me once, he said ...we're not THAT smart !! WE don't always get it and he's NOT a DUMB man....he's just.... a man reads like he prob likes you, but doesn't know how to express it....poor bloke Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dolly Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 I think he is probably attracted to you, but may be seeing obstacles. If you can somehow continue to "draw him in", you may be able to show him that almost any obstacle can be overcome if both parties are willing to work at it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luna65 Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 I would agree with Dolly and Liz; he's conflicted. He's getting signals from you (via the pheromones) which attract him, but there are likely circumstances which would normally prevent him from expressing that interest. Most men are not good at being situational or subtle. I will say, if someone is interested/attracted, pheromones can help tip the scale. Like, if you were willing to put aside certain mores and manners for a one night stand or whatever, pheromones can help with achieving that goal. And they can assist with attempting to find and culitvate the deeper connection between two people. I've used them for both situations, and they are good tools. But only that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tyvey Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 Your description reminds me of a wise thing I heard once, possibly here!: when people tell you who they are / how they feel, believe them if it were me I'd turn my attentions elsewhere unless and until things become clearer. Until then your interest is a waste of your time. When they're interested a bulldozer won't keep them from you and it is unmistakable. it's like the old joke about expensive things- if you have to ask how much it is, you can't afford it. If you have to wonder, it's not happening. At least not yet. Sorry doll but I've been in your shoes one too many times. Or, you could always just ask him out , lol. But it sounds like that's kinda not your bag which I totally respect and empathize with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueBear Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 Sounds like he's interested to me, too, but he's afflicted with a good old case of being a male plus youth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moon Bloom Posted April 8, 2012 Author Share Posted April 8, 2012 Thanks for the replies! In my estimation, you are all right. *sigh* I guess there is a possibility, but if he's that conflicted or inconsistant, I should just go about my life and not get too carried away. Tyvey, that's exactly what I meant when I wrote, "if he's interested in you, he'll let you know it". There won't be any mistaking. Great advice. Now if only I can get myself to heed it... or get up the nerve to ask him out, but I think that is far from my realm of doable. I am waaaay too shy! He may be interested, but... maybe not enough as he's not made any big moves (well not super huge anyway). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queen of Swords Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 "if he's interested in you, he'll let you know it" Not always, some people can be shy about the touchy-feely, I have issues with opening up about such things myself. However, for all we know he could already have a girlfriend or likes playing mind games, so if I was in your situation I'd probably work on learning more about the person before proceeding, if at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calii Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 As always I am impressed by my VFG's wisdom ... from my experience,you can rationalize til the cows come home,but the heart wants what the heart wants and only you can decide how much of yourself you are willing to invest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tyvey Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 He may very well be interested but not ready for anything for whatever reason. A friend of mine had a guy hovering around like that for SIX YEARS before asking her out. She always liked him but did not tie her boat to that dock emotionally or otherwise until he finally spoke up. Nothing she could have done would have sped him up, he said. Now that's one person but just to say that he MAY be interested but I'd hate to see you hang your time/heart/energy on "MAY". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luna65 Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 Nothing she could have done would have sped him up, he said. ZOMG! Luckily Q - master of Limey reserve - could be nudged into negotiations and so forth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beccah Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 Ack, how annoying! To me there is nothing sexier than a man who clearly knows what he wants. Also, it sounds like you're little one is a deal breaker for him. He finds you attractive, but doesn't want to date a family. I've been in that position, those guys aren't worth your time, trust me. You don't want someone who views your child as a millstone around his neck, sweety. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moon Bloom Posted April 8, 2012 Author Share Posted April 8, 2012 (edited) QofS, I was trying to get to know more about him and using the PM phero blend (I guess the b-nol was really the thing that made him talk) was helping to a certain extent. I only wanted to be using it as a tool (as Luna pointed out) to talk with him more and get to know him a bit better and vice versa. I would never just go for a roll in the hay with someone. No one night stands for me...too many repercussions. As difficult as it is... the heart wants what the heart wants and only you can decide how much of yourself you are willing to invest I think I choose not to invest my focus and energies in something with such a risky rate of return! Thanks for the hugs Calii! Beccah, thanks for the reply. I think I've felt like I'm going to be a single mom forever and that it's an insurmountable obstacle when it comes to dating, but you know what? You are bang on with your observations... there is nothing sexier than a man who clearly knows what he wants. You don't want someone who views your child as a millstone around his neck, sweety. I definitely don't want my little one viewed as a "millstone" around anyone's neck. She's amazing and if I end up with someone...well let's just say, I always put her first and I always want her to feel that she is worthy, beautiful, smart and valued by the people closest to her (on my side of the equation anyway). Tyvey...six years! GAH! I would pine away into nothing! ok maybe not, but wow! Great for her that she was able to be free of the usual, what to call it?... drama, and it worked out in the end. I still think your advice is great and ties in very well with what Calii said about how much to invest. I think there are probably lots of things and people I could be investing my time in/on that wouldn't be wasted. I think I'll keep working on me and who I am and what I love: my daughter, my family and friends, school, LPMP writing, etc... That definitely wouldn't be a waste. So, if, as Liz wrote... They REALLY DO NOT GET IT !! SP told me once, he said ...we're not THAT smart !! WE don't always get it and he's NOT a DUMB man....he's just.... a man and as Blue Bear says: he's afflicted with a good old case of being a male plus youth. and as Dolly and Luna pointed out, he's probably conflicted and seeing obstacles, then I have to say that I'm going to continue to wear my pheros, but with no particular focus on him (just on enjoying my life as it is) and if he develops any great clarity and happens to be a suitable guy for myself and my daughter great! If not, I won't have wasted any time/emotional energy in something that isn't going anywhere. I guess there are plenty of fish in the sea and some of them wouldn't mind "dating a family"! Thank you all for helping me to clarify the issue within myself. It's not always easy to do that alone. You ladies are amazing and have probably just saved me from a needless and looking like this in school . Thank you so much. I feel better already! Edited April 8, 2012 by Moon Bloom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missdarlyncherie Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 YAY for the LPMP team swooping in and saving another valuable member from potential disaster!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueBear Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 I guess there are plenty of fish in the sea and some of them wouldn't mind "dating a family"! Yes, there are!!! My mom married a fabulous one, and even though he didn't enter our lives until well after we had flown the coop, he has still embraced his role as 'dad.' Keep the faith. You (and your daughter!) will know when you've met the right one!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beccah Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 Lol, & there are even men out there who would prefer to date a woman with a little one. They want, or already have, kids and they know that you actually mean it when you say you want a family. Probably you're best bet, dating wise, will be military guys. They're family centered, they're clean, & they wear those sexy uniforms Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moon Bloom Posted April 14, 2012 Author Share Posted April 14, 2012 Just a quick update... Thanks to all of you wonderful ladies, I have been entirely successful in making the break! YAY! I can honestly say that my focus has been changed dramatically in the last few days. I can be anywhere near him and I don't feel like I want to be with him because I can now see that his behaviour is not what I want for myself and that I am deserving of someone who is going to want to be with me (and my daughter). Beccah, the military man could be a good choice, but there aren't many of those where I'm at. I think I'll just let the right one appear whenever they're supposed to. I'm just going to go with the flow and enjoy! I also want to mention that a change in phero blend has probably helped with this change. All Hallow's Eve with Lumina has been great for getting me out into the rest of my life! Very good times socially and helps me to get to know new people. Love it! Anyway, thanks so much again! It's a great thing when women's collective wisdom saves one of their own from needless suffering and stupidity! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calii Posted April 14, 2012 Share Posted April 14, 2012 I think I'll just let the right one appear whenever they're supposed to. I'm just going to go with the flow and enjoy! YES !! ...have fun with your life Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luna65 Posted April 14, 2012 Share Posted April 14, 2012 It's a great thing when women's collective wisdom saves one of their own from needless suffering and stupidity! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueBear Posted April 14, 2012 Share Posted April 14, 2012 Yay!!! and PS, doesn't it smell just fabulous? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
liz Posted April 14, 2012 Share Posted April 14, 2012 ATTA GIRL !! Kudos to YOU, Moon Bloom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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